


The Better Part

by Dyce



Series: The Better Part Of Honour [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Duty, F/M, Forbidden Love, Zutara
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-11
Updated: 2013-11-02
Packaged: 2017-12-23 03:09:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 56,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/921297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dyce/pseuds/Dyce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Instead of staying to fight Azula, Zuko follows Iroh when he flees - and everything changes. Without Iroh's help, Team Avatar never find Katara in the crystal caves. Now, left behind with no way of finding her family, Katara must turn to Zuko and Iroh for help to get to the one place that isn't safe for any of them... the Fire Nation... in time for the Day Of Black Sun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Beanaroony](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Beanaroony).



> Author's Note: As always, I strongly encourage those who enjoy fanfiction to buy/watch/read/hear/eat the source material, as appropriate. None of the characters belong to me, I'm just having fun.
> 
> For Beanaroony, whose support has been unfailing and whose art never fails to inspire.

_The better part of valor_  
The better part of me  
The better part of the world  
Is here in my arms,  
in you. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Come on! You'll be fine!"

Zuko looked back over his shoulder. He wanted to face Azula. Every instinct told him not to run, to stand and fight...

"Don't listen to the Blue Dragon!" the voice rang in his ears, the voice like Uncle's, the one from his nightmares. 

Choose your ground, Uncle had always told him. Never let the enemy force you into a confrontation on ground of his choosing. You will be at a disadvantage from the beginning.

Every time he'd ignored his uncle's advice, it had gone badly. Every time. And every time he'd done what Azula wanted him to, it had been even worse.

He jumped. The look of relief on his uncle's face was painful, as Zuko staggered to his feet and they ran. He'd finally found his peace, here with Uncle, and Azula had come to take it away, just like always. Well, not this time. 

* * *

Katara felt the earth tremble more than once, sitting in the cave full of glowing crystals. But time passed, at least a day of it, and nobody came. 

She didn't stop believing that Aang, Sokka and especially Toph would somehow find her until the chute opened and Ty Lee jumped down, jabbing at her with swift fingers while Azula taunted Katara with the news that Ba Sing Se had fallen - and the Avatar had run away, leaving her behind.

* * *

"I'm sorry about your tea-shop, Uncle," Zuko said softly. They were hiding - they were good at that - in the mazes of alleys in the Lower Ring, in the attic store-room of one of Uncle's suppliers. 

"So am I." Iroh looked sad and old and tired... but then he smiled, reaching out to touch Zuko's shoulder gently. "But it's all right. I have what really matters." 

"We both do." Clumsily, wanting to be comforting, he reached over to give his uncle a quick, awkward hug. "But we can't stay here. We can't just... hide from the war. It's going to keep coming until everything is gone, or the Avatar stops it."

"I know that." Iroh's shoulders slumped a little. "I hoped... I am a foolish old man," he said softly. "I just wanted a little peace for us both. A home and a future not tainted by the war." 

"Me too," Zuko said, looking down at his hands. He had only come around to that a couple of days ago, finally pushed the weight of his father's expectations off his shoulders, and now Azula had taken that away too. "But we can't just... hope. Azula brought down Ba Sing Se in a few _months_ , Uncle. She almost caught us, _and_ the Avatar. We can't just hope things will work out!"

Iroh smiled wistfully. "I should have known that you weren't ready to settle down to a peaceful life."

"I was. I am. I just..." Zuko sighed. "Nobody can have a peaceful life while this is going on. When the war is over, we'll start a new shop. You can even call it the Tea Weevil if you want to." He smiled at his uncle, wanting the sadness in his eyes to go away. 

"No, that was a silly name." But Iroh did smile back. "You are right, I know you are. So. Have my lectures had their effect? Have you actually considered what we should do next, and what the consequences of those actions may be?"

Zuko sighed. "I don't know yet. But I'm admitting that I don't know. That's progress, right?"

"It is indeed. And how do we go about deciding what to do next?" 

Zuko knew this one. "Information. No good general so much as puts on his boots without information, right?"

Iroh laughed. "I never thought you listened to that speech!"

"I could recite it in my sleep." Zuko smiled wryly. "You know, getting information would be a lot easier if I still had my mask. Nobody but Zhao has ever connected me to the Blue Spirit, even in suspicion, and he's not sending Azula any dispatches from where he's gone." 

"Very true." Iroh sighed in turn. "Even I can make mistakes, it seems." 

"Oh, well." Zuko patted his shoulder. "We'll figure something out." 

* * *

Katara was so thirsty. She was chained up and paralyzed and they still wouldn't give her any water. 

"She's not going to be much use to us if she dies of dehydration," the tall gloomy one pointed out. They were standing around her, Azula and her two friends, looking down at her as if she was a polar dog puppy who'd peed in the sleeping furs. 

"True. And she _is_ immobilized. Oh, all right, Mai, you can give her a drink. But Ty Lee, I want you to be ready just in case." Azula stood back, looking annoyed, and Mai poured something greenish out of a teapot, kneeling to offer Katara the small cup. Katara gulped gratefully. It tasted funny, but she didn't care. It was warm and wet...

...and Azula was smiling...

… and then everything went fuzzy. 

It stayed fuzzy for a while. At intervals, food or drink were put into her mouth. Sometimes she was supported over a chamberpot. Once, someone took her clothes away and came back a while later and put them back on her. Her head cleared a little when she found that she was outside. She knew that she had been picked up by rough hands and dragged into a cart, held up between two men in black and green. There were people around her, and they were going through streets. She could hear crying, and even in her daze it bothered her. 

"Let everyone know!" someone was shouting ahead of her. "See with your own eyes! The Fire Nation has taken the Avatar's water-bender! Soon we will take the Avatar himself! Let the word spread! Let the world know that the Fire Nation is supreme!"

That was kind of depressing. Katara let her head tip back, looking up at the sky. It was so pretty, nice and blue, with little fluffy white clouds. One of them looked like a boat.

After they'd gone through the city, they got on a train. She sat quietly where she'd been told to sit, looking at the sky and watching the clouds. Sometimes her vision blurred, and the clouds looked like faces or animals. That was kind of fun.

She was taken aboard a Fire Nation ship, and put in a little metal room. An old woman in red came - or was it two? - and fed her spoonfuls of bland goop and sips of tea. She swallowed what was put in her mouth, and when they asked if she needed a chamberpot she cooperated, although they had to hold her steady. After that, they told her to lie down on a metal bench with a mat over it, and she did. Nothing mattered now. It was nice. Restful.

* * *

Zuko slipped into the shed where his uncle was packing up the few supplies they'd been able to scrounge, and dropped a heavy pack beside him. "Here. This will have everything we'll need." They'd sneaked down as far as the port where the ferries landed, but the ferries were no longer running and there were Fire Nation ships and troops everywhere.

Iroh looked at it, his eyebrows rising sharply. "A marine field pack?"

"They were unloading the ships. One pack going astray won't excite any comment." It happened. The field packs held dried rations, spark rocks, cloaks, and other impersonal gear that could be issued to any soldier at need. They might not even notice it was gone. "Uncle, they've captured the water-bender. Azula paraded her through the streets before putting her onto her own ship. Everyone's talking about it."

"The girl travelling with the Avatar?" Iroh shook his head. "For bait, of course. Azula manipulates, as always. She takes the girl, and makes sure the whole city knows it, then all she need do is wait. The Avatar will come to her."

"Unless someone takes the girl from her." Zuko ran a hand through his short hair, frowning. "I can do it, but you're going to need to steal us a boat to escape on."

"No!" Iroh stood up, scowling. "Nephew, it's too dangerous! Azula - "

"Azula's personal flagship is the same make as Zhao's." Zuko opened the pack, searching for the uniform cloak it should contain. "She knows I've never been on one. They only came out two years ago, after I left the Fire Nation, and she has no way of knowing that I stowed away on Zhao's ship with your help. I know every inch of that ship. I know where the cells are, and I can even make a good guess at which one she's in."

"The central cell with the insulation," Iroh said, frowning and stroking his beard. "Yes, that would make sense. It's the most defensible spot. But - " 

"Uncle, Azula knows me." Zuko sat back on his heels. "Or so she thinks. But think back. You knew me when I was thirteen. You knew me when I was fourteen, and fifteen." He smiled crookedly. "Would you ever, *ever* have suspected me of a covert infiltration?" 

Iroh blinked, and then laughed ruefully. "No. No, I would not. I admit, it came as quite a surprise to me when I realized you were sneaking around as the Blue Spirit, and I _did_ know about your skill with Dao swords. I'm not sure Azula even knows you know how to use a sword."

"She knew I took lessons, but she always scorned them, the same way Father did." Zuko sighed. "My point is, I know that ship better than Azula does, and I know all the ways to sneak in and out. I'm not going to take any stupid risks this time, Uncle, I promise... I _promise_ ," he repeated, seeing the worry on his uncle's face. "But if I can get her out, I should. We can't let Azula have a hold like this over the Avatar." 

"Yes. That is true." Iroh sighed. "But I do not want to lose you, nephew. I do not want to take the risk." 

"I know. I understand, I really do." Zuko stood up, and hugged his uncle - less awkwardly this time. He was getting better at it. "But this is the right thing to do. I'm sure of that."

"And what about the consequences of your action? What if you do rescue the young lady, who has no reason to see you as a rescuer, and get her away... what then?"

"Then I take her back to the Avatar," Zuko said quietly. "And I tell him I know a really good fire-bending teacher. I know he needs one." He didn't look at his uncle. He hadn't mentioned this before.

Iroh stilled. "Nephew... Zuko... are you suggesting helping the Avatar?"

"Yes." The word lay between them, treason bald and uncompromising. 

"Why?"

Zuko sighed. "Because... because I don't believe the things I used to believe. I don't believe that the war is right. You've seen what I've seen, Uncle. You've seen the same refugees, the same destruction and chaos. And I've done some thinking." 

"What about?"

Zuko's hand came up to touch his scar. "I was right," he said flatly. "I was right, and my father was wrong. What that general suggested was wrong and dishonourable, a betrayal of the loyal soldiers of the Fire Nation. My father is supposed to serve the Fire Nation and its people. He should have protested, but he didn't. No-one did."

"Not even me," Iroh said quietly. 

"No. Not even you." Zuko looked up, meeting his uncle's eyes. "Speaking up was stupid, I know that. But it was right. I was right. And you know it."

"Yes," Iroh said quietly. "I know it. It _was_ stupid... but it also made me very proud. You were so hurt and angry, after your father punished you, that you would not listen to me when I tried to tell you so, but I was proud. And you were right." 

Zuko's throat was tight. "I'm sorry I wouldn't listen to you for so long, Uncle," he whispered. "I just..."

"You were a hurt child. You blamed yourself for what was not your fault." Iroh smoothed his hand gently over Zuko's short, scruffy hair, his voice cracking a little. "I understood, I always understood. But you have always made me proud."

Zuko snorted, trying to hide the fact that his eyes were stinging. "But I've made so many mistakes."

"Everyone does. But you seemed to know from the beginning what it took me forty years to learn." Iroh smiled mistily. "No matter how angry you were, how frustrated or unhappy, you have never wanted to hurt anyone. You will shout and make threats, perhaps burn a building or two... but you did not slaughter villagers who sheltered the Avatar. You did not kill a single person inside the Northern Water Tribe City, even though technically they were your enemies. You had that water-bender tied to a tree and instead of torturing her, or threatening to hand her over to the pirates, you attempted to *scold* her into telling you what you wanted to know! Oh, I was so proud. You value life, Zuko... every life. Even those of peasants and pirates. And you don't like to cause pain."

"My father would say that that shows that I'm weak," Zuko said, his eyes burning and his throat clogged. He wished his Uncle could have said this before... knowing that he was *proud*, that he thought Zuko was not only worth his effort, but _special_... but he was right. Zuko wouldn't have listened before.

"Your father would be wrong. It took the loss of my son to make me understand the true value of life, and nothing will ever teach it to your father. You always knew." Iroh hugged him tightly. "I am very proud of you, Zuko. And if you want to aid the Avatar in ending this war once and for all, I will help you however I can." 

"Thank you, Uncle." Zuko wiped his eyes discreetly on his sleeve, then cleared his throat. "Can you steal a small boat?"

* * *

Sneaking onto the ship was easy. He'd had nothing to do but explore and stay out of sight for _weeks_ , on Zhao's ship. If anything, it was easier now. He'd lost weight, when he was travelling through the Earth Kingdom alone, and muscle-mass. He cracked open a hatch that was almost invisible from the outside, sized to fit the hoses that ran from the emergency pumps and supposed to be too small for a person - but 'person' to the Fire Nation's ship-builders meant 'enemy soldier'. For a slender sixteen-year-old boy, wearing thin silks instead of armour, it was simplicity itself to eel through and close silently behind him. 

He stole a uniform from the laundry, then strolled quite openly down two decks and towards the stern, shucking the uniform and resuming his new mask only one short stretch of corridor away from the cells. There would be a guard, of course, but....

To his surprise, there was _a_ guard, and only one. He was barely even paying attention. Zuko knocked him out, but honestly doubted whether he'd needed to. If he'd had time to hang around for another half hour, the guy probably would have been asleep on watch anyway. 

He couldn't understand it, until he opened the door. The girl - what was her name? He'd never actually asked - was lying on her side on a mat, her eyes open but glazed. When he knelt beside her, shaking her shoulder gently, she looked up at him with an incurious blankness that was... disturbing.

"Come on," he whispered, trying to disguise his voice. "You need to get out of here."

She blinked a few times. "You have a blue face," she mumbled after a while. "Pretty." 

Oh, fuck. She'd either been drugged or... something worse. He'd been expecting chains and guards, not this. Not something that would keep her from helping him even after he freed her. "It's time to go outside," he told her, tugging on her arm until she stumbled to her feet. She couldn't seem to keep her balance, and he had to put his arm around her just to keep her from tipping over. "Come on. Let's go... go sit quietly for a minute. Can you do that?"

"Sit quie'ly. Okay." Passive and obedient, she stumbled along beside him until he could push her gently into a storage locker that contained salvage equipment. Clean and in good repair, but there was no possible way this equipment was going to be needed tonight. He sat her down on a large reel of thick rope, and she sat exactly where she was put, swaying a little and staring straight in front of her. 

He knelt in front of her, holding her steady with his hands cupping her elbows. "What's your name?"

"Katara." Her eyes slowly fixed on his face again. "Blue." 

"Yes, the mask is blue." Zuko took a deep breath, trying to keep his voice calm and even. "Katara, how do you feel?"

"Fuzzy." She frowned very slightly, big blue eyes seeming to clear a little. "Tea."

"Tea?"

"Bad tea. Taste bad. Fuzzy."

They *had* been drugging her - and she knew it, and was trying to tell him even through her docile haze. Okay. That was good, right? If she could think for herself even a little... "Katara, it's time to get away from the Fire Nation ship now. You want to escape, don't you?" 

"Escape." She frowned again. "Good?" 

"Yes. Escape is good." Zuko sighed. "Can you do exactly what I tell you, Katara?"

"Okay." Another long pause. "Voice."

"What about it?" Damn, he'd thought she was too out of it to recognize his voice! This was the last thing he needed...

"Soun' like Zuko." She sighed. "Zuko's bad. Bu' nice voice."

Zuko blinked. Several times. She thought he had a *nice voice*? "He... does?"

"Yeah. Fuzzy voice." She pouted a little. "Nice voice. Nice shoulders, too. Was'ed on tha' jerk." 

Zuko was really glad he was wearing a mask, because his whole face was burning crimson. When on earth had the water-bender looked at his _shoulders_? And apparently appreciated them? And why was that sad pout so ridiculously adorable? "Oh. Well, that's, uh, that's a shame. But we have... escaping now." He hesitated, but the words came out almost against his will. "You can tell me more about Zuko later."

"Okay." She smiled sweetly at him. "Later." 

She tried. He could tell she was trying. But she could barely stagger, as dazed as she was, and she couldn't move quietly at all. He couldn't even be angry with her for it, she tried so hard to do exactly what he told her, and she just couldn't... They needed a place to hide. Somewhere that absolutely nobody would go, somewhere secure... 

Zuko grinned suddenly. He knew just the place - and how to get there. "Katara," he said gently. "Can you climb into a box and then climb out again when I tell you to?" 

She smiled at him again. "Yes!" 

"Good. We're going to rest for a while."

Azula was using the large cabin intended to be the captain's quarters, of course. Nothing but the best for the Princess. Zhao had felt the same way, and Zuko had spent several instructive afternoons going through his papers while Zhao was otherwise occupied.

There was a dumbwaiter that went right up to that room. It was quite secure, in theory. One opening below, so that food and linens and such could be placed in it, and one in the room itself. The lower opening would be under constant guard, if Zuko knew Azula.

But if he knew Azula, she probably hadn't considered the requirements for maintaining the thing - like access hatches. 

She hadn't. It wasn't guarded, and it only took Zuko a few minutes to get Katara and then himself into Azula's bedroom. Nobody, *nobody*, would dare intrude on the Princess's own chamber, save for the maid who would clean it under guard every day. And Azula was still living it up in the Earth King's palace.

"Ugh," Katara said, when he lit a lamp. She was sitting on the floor, having obediently rolled out of the dumbwaiter as soon as the door opened. "It's all red." 

"Shh. Keep your voice down." Zuko doubted that anyone would be close enough to hear, and the steel door was thick, but you never knew. "Of course it is. This is Azula's room. She's a princess of the Fire Nation." 

Katara looked around, wrinkling her nose. "It's like being inside a stomach," she whispered. 

Zuko was torn between outrage and a sudden desire to snicker. He was never, ever going to unsee that, was he? It kind of *was* like being in a stomach - and ridiculously luxurious, for quarters on ship. His own cabin, on his own ship, had been as barren as a cell by comparison.

Uncle had suggested that, he remembered with a pang. When Zuko had realized how bare his cabin was, he'd complained to his uncle. Iroh had told him that he might certainly have more luxuries if he wished, but most captains preferred to keep their quarters almost as spare as those of their men, to show that they were strong enough to endure anything the men were. The insecure child he'd been had immediately demanded that his soft bed be replaced with a standard issue mattress, and all decorations but the Fire Nation banners be taken down. He would prove he was strong!

Katara stood up, and he realized that she seemed a little more alert. Maybe all the moving around had helped her wake up a bit? He guided her over to the bed, and had her sit there. She looked up at him, and to his surprise she poked a slender finger at his stomach. "Don't you get any ideas, masked... guy," she said almost firmly.

Ideas? He looked from girl to bed a couple of times before the copper dropped, and then blushed furiously behind the mask. "No! Just... sit there and stay out of the way!" he hissed, hurrying over to the other side of the room. "I'll... I'll make some tea - "

"No tea!" she said very firmly indeed, and Zuko remembered that that was how they'd been drugging her.

"No, no! Not the bad tea! Good tea, to wake you up again!" Not that his 'good tea' was very good. But he knew that Azula liked strong black tea for its stimulant properties, and there should be some here... yes. Good. It only took him a minute to heat the water in the teapot, push in a handful of leaves, and leave it to steep. 

While it did, he investigated a bit. Azula's desk had dispatches of minor importance piled neatly in a scroll rack. The desk looked familiar... yes, it was a copy of the one their father and grandfather had used. Zuko grinned. Had she put the secret drawer in the same place, too? 

She hadn't, but all she'd done was put it on the other side, and it didn't take long to find. Here were more important dispatches, a couple of scrolls sealed with the Fire Lord's own seal... and two bags that clinked very promisingly. Gold, and plenty of it... cash in hand for bribes, he suspected. Promises only went so far with certain kinds of people, and even Uncle had always carried a certain amount of ready money. When Zuko investigated, he found that while one bag contained coins minted in the Fire Nation, the other was all Earth Kingdom money. Even better.

He slid out from behind the desk, to find Katara still sitting exactly where he'd left her, glaring at the teapot. He wondered how long she'd been doing that - he'd lost track of time while he was going through Azula's stuff - but went to pour a cup of tea. He held it out to her, and she promptly put her hands behind her back. "Don't want to," she said, almost pleadingly.

"It won't put you back to sleep. See?" He pushed his mask up a bit, to expose his mouth, and took a sip from the cup he'd offered her. It tasted awful, but black tea always did. "It's to help you wake up again. A.... an antidote."

Katara frowned, her poor dazed mind clearly trying to figure out what to do. "Antidote?"

"It's black tea. For waking up, not going to sleep." He took another sip, then offered her the cup. "See, it's not making me sleepy. Now you drink some."

She took the cup and drank obediently, draining the cup - then she made a little choking sound. "That's _bad_!"

"I know. I hate it too." He poured another cup and handed it to her. "But the more you can drink, the better." 

While she drank the tea, making soft gagging noises all the while, Zuko shoved everything he'd found in the secret drawer into the bag Uncle had suggested he bring along, shoved into his shirt, in case anything useful turned up. He'd read the dispatches and letters later, find out what was going on...

"Consider the consequences of your actions, Prince Zuko!" his uncle's voice seemed to say in his ear, taut with irritation.

Zuko looked at the drawer. Sooner or later she would open it, and realize she'd been robbed. She would react the way she always did, lashing out... looking for someone to punish. She'd probably execute her maid, at the very least... No, he couldn't let that happen. 

When he'd finished doing what he needed to do, and cleaned up any obvious traces of their presence, Katara was looking considerably more alert - merely drunk instead of semi-conscious. "We're escaping?" she said, blinking at him owlishly. "Going to find Aang?"

"That's the plan." Zuko looked out of the window. "Can you swim?" 

"Like a tiger-seal," she said confidently, walking towards the window... and right into it. "Ow."

"I'm going to take that as a 'not right now'." Zuko sighed, and started unwrapping the thin rope from around his waist. "Katara, listen to me. I'm going to go get our boat, okay? And while I'm doing that, you need to stand right here and hold this bag for me. Can you do that?"

She took the bag, clutching it to her chest with both arms. "I can do that."

"Good." Thank Agni that the new design put the captain's cabin in the body of the ship, not the central tower - which was, as they'd discovered in the last few years, the first target anyone aimed for. He was near the bow, not at the stern where he'd intended to make his escape, but they'd known he'd have to escape where and how he could. The rope was long enough to get him down to water level, and Uncle shouldn't be far away.

"Where is she? Was that the captain's cabin you were climbing out of?" Iroh asked, hauling the dripping Zuko over the side. "Couldn't you get to her?"

"Oh, I got to her. But she's been drugged. She could barely walk when I found her, and I still don't think she can climb down the rope. I'll have to carry her down, or lower her." Zuko looked back towards the darkened ship. Most of the crew was still on shore-leave, and at well after midnight, the few guards were at their least alert. Something bothered him, but he couldn't tell what. "And yes, that was the captain's cabin... Azula's, actually. She's on shore, and nobody's going to dare intrude on the princess's bedroom without permission."

"Audacious," Iroh said softly. "But... not mistaken. We should hurry, though. Someone may yet see us." Zuko nodded. They brought the boat close to Azula's ship, huddling in its shadow, and he swarmed up the rope again. 

Katara was standing where he'd left her, clutching the heavy bag and looking anxious. She smiled when she saw him, her eyes definitely clearer now. "You came back."

"I wasn't going to leave you behind." Oddly touched by how happy she was to see him, even if she didn't know who he was, Zuko relieved her of the bag and put an arm around her. "Now, not another word until we're away from the ship, all right?"

She nodded, leaning against him. "Okay." 

Being lowered on the end of Zuko's rope must have been frightening, but she didn't make a sound. He did hear a little whimper when Uncle began to row, and heard him hushing her. Leaving the rope would be a giveaway, and it wasn't long enough for him to double it and climb down. He would have to drop into the water, as quietly as possible, and only when the boat was out of sight around the other side. 

He left the room as close to undisturbed as he could. Hopefully the maid would straighten out any lingering signs. Except for the secret drawer, which contained only a single scroll, whose dull report was now overwritten with slashing black characters in Azula's own fine ink.

_'Thanks for the contribution - and the intelligence.'_

_'Zuzu'._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to beatrixwilder, my lovely beta!

 

Katara woke up slowly. For the first time, her head felt almost clear, and she kept her eyes closed. Azula... Azula had captured her, and drugged her. And locked her up. But now she was lying on the ground, wrapped in a blanket, and she could smell wood-smoke.

Patchy, fuzzy memories came back. A blue face with a frown... no, a mask. Gentle hands supporting her. A red room and the tarry taste of bad tea. A rope around her waist and a cloaked man wrapping a blanket around her shoulders. 

"It went so well," a soft, husky, all-too-familiar voice said quietly. "Nothing went wrong at all."

"You actually thought before acting this time," another voice said, and she recognised that one too. "You had advantages and used them wisely, instead of being ruled by your anger. That makes a big difference." 

"Yeah. I'm... starting to see that." Zuko sounded kind of embarrassed. "It just feels strange, having something go right for me."

His uncle laughed. "Wait until the young lady wakes up. I'm pretty sure things will start getting more complicated around then." 

Damn right they would. Katara reached out cautiously with her water-sense. There had to be some around somewhere... and there was, a lot of it, but tantalisingly out of reach.

"You're sure she's going to be okay?" Zuko actually sounded kind of concerned. "She was so... confused... by whatever Azula gave her. And you know Azula wouldn't care if it did some kind of permanent damage."

Katara froze. Permanent damage?

"If it is what I think it is, there should be no lasting effects. A little weakness, perhaps, for a day or two. She probably hasn't eaten much, if at all."

Zuko sighed. "If I'd wondered if I was right about this... Father would have approved of what Azula's done, wouldn't he? The drugs and everything."

"Certainly. I know of several occasions when he has used it himself." 

"I wouldn't. Seeing her like that... it made my skin crawl. Facing someone in a fair fight is one thing, but..." He made a little hissing noise. "Taking someone's mind, their will away like that... she just did everything she was _told_. She didn't even know who I was, or that I wouldn't hurt her..." 

"Perhaps she did," Iroh said gently. "You did, after all, rescue her from her cell and, I think, treat her kindly."

"Well yes, of course, but..." Zuko heaved another sigh. "Uncle, what should I say when she wakes up?"

"You haven't considered that yet?" Iroh laughed quietly. "And you were doing so well at planning for a while."

Zuko made an embarrassed noise eerily identical to one Sokka made all the time. Maybe it was a boy thing. "Uncle, I'm bad at talking to people. You _know_ that. I can barely talk to _you_ without messing it up."

"I know." There was easy affection in the old man's voice. "But I cannot make your apologies for you, Zuko. You have pursued the young lady across the world, battled her - no doubt throwing several insults - and tied her to a tree. If you wish to win her trust, you will have to begin by apologising for your past mistakes."

Zuko made another wordless embarrassed noise. "I said 'aren't you a big girl now' or something like that," he mumbled, clearly embarrassed.

"Oh, dear. Perhaps grovelling is in order." 

Katara peeked cautiously through her lashes. Old man and boy were sitting by a small fire - preparing food or something, by what she could see in the cool, dim pre-dawn light. Moving cautiously, she shifted one hand. She really wasn't restrained at all... and they were talking about apologies? 

Had she actually woken up, or was this a very strange dream?

"I think she is moving. Nephew, take her some water."

"I'd like to keep the half of my face I still have, Uncle." Despite the protest, Zuko picked up a tin cup and walked away. Katara heard a soft splash and, after a moment, he returned, walking past the fire to kneel beside her. "Katara? Are you awake?"

"How do you know my name?" Katara sat up, glaring suspiciously at him. But... not attacking, not yet. From what they'd been saying, Zuko was the one who'd gotten her out of Azula's evil, drugging clutches. 

"You told me. While I was, uh, rescuing you." Zuko sat back on his heels. She'd only had a quick look at him before, in the tea-shop. Now she could see him clearly, and he looked...

He looked like any of the refugees. Scarred and battered, a little thin, wearing a brown shirt and pants, with shaggy hair hanging down over his eyes. He looked older and less petulant without the ponytail and the habitual scowl. He actually looked... wistful. Well, that was just creepy. 

"Rescuing me, or taking me prisoner for yourself?" Katara shook her head, which had started to ache as soon as she sat up. Shaking was a bad move. She winced and pressed the heels of her hands to her temples. "Ow."

"The headache is probably mostly due to dehydration." Zuko's uncle had come to stand behind him, looking down at her thoughtfully. He looked different too - no little Fire Nation hair-bun, his beard grown out and unkempt, wearing shabby brown robes that made him look like someone's grandfather. "Drink the water. Or hit us over the head with it and run off. The choice is yours." 

Silently, Zuko held out the cup. 

She frowned as she took it, a flash of memory rising to the surface... hands, those same hands, with the scratch on one thumb and the short, bitten-down fingernails, offering her a cup of dark tea. "You made me drink tea last night."

"I was trying to wake you up. When I found you, you couldn't even walk by yourself." Zuko sounded kind of defensive.

Katara sipped the water. Well, she meant to sip. It was cool and fresh and the best she'd ever tasted. She'd drained the cup without taking a breath, she realised, gasping. "That was the worst tea I ever tasted."

Zuko actually blushed and Iroh laughed softly. "I have tried to instruct him in the art," he said cheerfully, "but Zuko has no patience and no appreciation of tea, both necessary qualities for a good brewer." 

"It worked," Zuko muttered, cheeks still pink. "Anyway, I got distracted searching Azula's room."

Katara lowered the cup and stared at him. "Azula's room? That... red silk stomach was _Azula's_ room?"

This time Iroh looked bewildered and Zuko chuckled softly. "It was all red and black, like usual," Zuko explained. "While Katara was dopey, she said it looked like a stomach. And... once I saw it, I couldn't _not_ see it." 

"I wasn't _dopey_ , I was drugged," Katara snapped. "And it did look like a stomach. Or a womb," she added, just to see.

Zuko blushed again. Huh. Sokka always did, whenever she talked about 'woman stuff', but it felt strange to see Zuko, the Fire Nation jerk who'd chased them all over the world, getting all flustered. "Oh. Well. Uh... you were a bit, uh, confused. Anyway. Uh. I'm sorry about... about chasing you and tying you to that tree and being, uh, insulting at the North Pole, and trying to kidnap the Avatar so often. I won't do it any more. I'm good now.  


Katara stared at him, mouth open. "You're _good_ now?" He nodded hopefully. "Oh! Well, that changes everything! Let me take you to our secret meeting place so you can tell Aang all about it!" 

Zuko swivelled around to glare up at his uncle. "I told you I wouldn't say it right!"

"Yes, nephew, you did. But it was still your apology to make." Iroh sat down beside Zuko, legs crossed. "Miss Katara, we cannot blame you for being suspicious. Let me explain our situation to you." 

He did, while Zuko stared down at his clenched fists. The fact that Azula had declared her brother a traitor and outlaw - wanted posters were produced as proof - in order to usurp his position as heir to the throne. The undeniable truth that Zuko, who had never really hurt any member of Team Avatar (Sokka and his stupid names!) even when he could have, and certainly hadn't offered Katara any physical insult, could be considered weak and ineffectual by the Fire Lord's brutal standards. That they had entered Ba Sing Se as refugees, real ones, seeking safety and a new start. 

"That's what you were doing in that tea-shop?" Katara asked, before she could stop herself. "Trying... trying to start over?"

Zuko looked up, blinking. "How did you know that?"

This time it was Katara's turn to look down, ashamed. "I saw you," she said softly. "I was the one who... Azula and her stupid friends had disguised themselves as Kyoshi Warriors. I didn't recognise her under the uniform and make-up until I'd already said I'd seen you."

Zuko drew in an angry breath... then, to her surprise, he blew it out again in a sigh. "I suppose I can't blame you," he muttered. "After all the time I spent chasing you."

Katara stared at him. No angry ranting, no calling her a stupid little peasant... just a defeated little sigh. Maybe he _had_ changed? She wished the headache wasn't making it so hard to think. "And... now, what? You've given up? You don't want to... to restore your honour? That was what you said when you had me tied to the tree, wasn't it?" 

"It's complicated." 

Katara folded her arms. "Then explain it slowly."

Zuko ran a hand through his scruffy hair, pausing at the crown of his head as if feeling for the ponytail that wasn't there anymore. "Look, it's complicated. And personal," he added, when her mouth opened. She shut it again, and he blinked before continuing. "But we've been travelling through the Earth Kingdom for a while now. I've... had time to think. About the war. About everything. And about honour." 

"And what did you figure out?"

"That a lot of things I believed weren't true. I mean, I believed things and they turned out not to be true." He rubbed the back of his neck. "And if I was wrong about those things, I could be wrong about other things. My father could be wrong about other things." 

"What Zuko is trying to say," his uncle added, clearly taking pity on his nephew, "is that he finally understands that the war has upset the balance of the world - and that that balance must be restored."

"That's not what I'm trying to say!" Zuko snapped, sounding almost like himself for a minute. Then he groaned, pressing his hand against his scarred eye. "I don't even understand it myself yet. But after I released the bison - "

"Appa? _You_ freed Appa?" Katara wanted to disbelieve him, but how could he possibly, _possibly_ have known about it otherwise? 

"Yes. I released the Avatar's bison instead of trying to use it to capture him, or... something. I hadn't really thought it through." Zuko sighed. "Anyway, I had... I got sick afterwards. Uncle said it was because I was having internal conflict or something. When I finally woke up, when I was better, I... I don't know. Everything felt different. I felt different."

"Your obsession with finding the Avatar and restoring your right to the throne had faded," Iroh said gently. "For the first time in a very long time, you seemed yourself again." 

Zuko smiled a little, a peculiarly sweet smile. "What Uncle means is that I seemed more like I was before this." He touched the scar on his face. "It happened when I was thirteen. After that, when I was exiled and hunting for the Avatar, I was just _angry_ , all the time. At everyone, everything... then a couple of days ago, I woke up and it had sort of... gone away."

Katara nodded slowly. "That... I've seen that happen," she said quietly.

Zuko stared at her. "You have?"

"I'm a healer." Katara frowned, thinking about it. She wasn't convinced yet, not anywhere close - but Zuko _did_ seem weirdly less angry and she knew what he was talking about."And a midwife. Sometimes when people are sick, feelings that they would never talk about when they're well - sometimes things they don't even know are there - can come out. It happens in labour, too." She smiled involuntarily at Zuko's instant, flaming blush. "My Gran Gran always tells new fathers never to take what their wives say in labour too seriously. The pain makes them angry and they say things they don't mean. I... I guess I can believe that getting really sick could do that to you too. Did you have hallucinations, or bad dreams?"

He glanced at his uncle, then back at Katara. "How did you know?"

"It happens. Last time Sokka got really sick, he spent two days convinced he was an earthbender, that Appa could talk, and that I was the Queen of the Lychee-nuts." Katara giggled a little at the look on Zuko's face. "Really. He kept calling me 'Your Majesty'."

"Oh. That... makes the dreams I was having sound a lot less crazy by comparison." Zuko actually looked relieved. "Anyway, I... my head feels clearer now. I finally realised that my obsession with my own honour was selfish. The honour of the Fire Nation itself is in tatters, and my father and sister will never do anything but make it worse. That means it's up to me and Uncle to fix it. To stop the war, and try to make up for what we've done." 

Katara bit her lip. "I'd.. like to believe that," she said slowly. "But how can I?" 

Iroh reached into his sleeve, and handed her a scroll.. no, several, rolled together. "The latest official military dispatches," he said quietly. "From the Fire Lord himself. This will be useful to the Avatar, or to the Earth Kingdom." He drew a small pouch out of his sash, and handed that to her too. "Money, enough to take you anywhere in the Earth Kingdom if you choose to go. We will not prevent you... but we do wish to help you." He paused and smiled. "And in another ten minutes or so, we will have noodles and tea for breakfast. And I promise you that Zuko did not make this tea."

Katara looked at the pouch and the scrolls. "I guess I could at least stay for breakfast." 

* * * 

Zuko watched Katara eating noodles, and realised with an odd detachment how much he'd changed since they'd first met. When he'd seen a frightened little girl cowering with the other women and children of her tribe, he'd seen a fur-clad barbarian without the barest knowledge of civilization. If he'd thought about her eating at all, he would have imagined she did it with her hands or perhaps a bone knife.

He'd been an idiot then. Now, after more than a month in the Earth Kingdom, he knew that all his smug beliefs about 'peasants' were so much hot air and that there was nothing surprising in a Water Tribe girl who could manage even slippery noodles easily with her chopsticks. Actually, she was eating more tidily than his uncle often did! 

She paused to sip her tea and smiled at his uncle. "You were right. This is wonderful tea!"

"Jasmine has always been my favourite," Iroh said, filling her cup again. "How are your noodles? Not too spicy, I hope."

"A little." Katara wrinkled her nose and smiled both at once, making a ridiculously cute face. "But I'm so hungry that I don't care! And I've had time to get a little more used to spicy food - Aang loves it, so we often eat it when we can find something vegetarian." 

Iroh nodded sagely. "Spices do not grow in the extremes of north and south - not often, at least. Your tribe's cooking favours the use of fish and kelp sauces for flavour, does it not? I remember a delicious fish soup I tried once that was supposed to be a Water Tribe recipe... oh, and another dish that claimed to be prunes, but tasted nothing like them!"

Katara giggled. "Sea prunes! Stewed, right? That's how we like them."

"What _did_ it taste like?" Zuko asked. The only thing he'd ever seen make Uncle Iroh make _that_ face was bad tea. Zuko hated prunes himself, but... 

"Sour. Very sour!" Iroh chuckled. "You might like it, nephew. Zuko has always loved sour foods," he added chattily. "There is a kind of sour plum candy common in the Fire Nation..." His eyes softened. "I remember the first time he tried it... my son Lu Ten dared him and Azula to eat one, when he was just a little boy. Lu Ten was much older - almost eleven years older than Zuko - and I believe he was tired of being pestered for candy. " He shook his head, smiling. "Azula reacted just as he hoped, spitting it out and crying, but Zuko ate a whole handful! We were sure it would make him sick, but he liked it so much that it became his favourite."

Zuko cleared his throat, embarrassed but touched by the recollection. He hadn't known Uncle remembered that. "I liked them. And they were the only candy that Azula wouldn't steal."

When he glanced back at Katara, she was smiling slightly. "Sokka's terrible that way," she said. "He has a nose like a polar dog for food, I swear. When I was a little girl, I used to hide my seaweed cookies and he'd _always_ find them!" She grinned suddenly, her brown skin warming with a faint blush. "I never found anything he didn't like. But I did eventually figure out that if you say a basket has, uh, moon supplies in it, no boy will go near it no matter how hungry he is."

Uncle Iroh laughed so hard he nearly spilled his tea. Zuko looked from one to the other of them. "I'm... missing something."

Katara's eyebrows went up. "You don't..." She turned to Iroh, who was laughing harder than ever. "I'm not explaining it! You should have already told him about... babies and things," she said tartly, her blush deepening. 

"I did!" Iroh protested, clutching his stomach. "I did! I swear it!"

"What does - " Far too belatedly, memory stirred - the horrifyingly awkward conversation with his uncle that had included not only the _making_ of babies, but how to do it _well_ and a lot of things about women that the younger Zuko hadn't really wanted to know. "Oh! The... the moon, uh... thing. That. Oh." He stared down into his bowl, face burning. Well, the universe was back to humiliating him as thoroughly as possible. 

Iroh wiped his eyes. "I am sorry for laughing, nephew, Miss Katara," he said, still chuckling a little at the two mortified teenagers. "In Zuko's defense, the common term in the Fire Nation is 'blood tide', which is why he failed to understand your reference. And he has spent most of his life among men and soldiers, so the subject has never really, ah, become familiar."

"Well, it wouldn't. He's a boy. They're not supposed to know much about that." Katara hid as much of her flushed face behind her teacup as she could. "I don't know why I even brought it up. I'm still, uhm... tired. And talking too much." 

"Well, that is understandable - the drug they gave you will loosen the tongue somewhat. And I thank you for it. We all need to laugh sometimes." Iroh shook his head, smiling. 

Zuko felt a little better when he realised that Katara was just as embarrassed as he was. "Well. Uh. Now that we've had something to eat, we should talk about what to do next. Katara, Uncle told you that you could leave if you wanted to, and you can. But even if you don't believe us about wanting to help the Avatar, you should believe that this is no time and place for a young woman to be travelling alone, bender or not. There are soldiers from both sides everywhere, and..." 

She nodded, her blush fading as her face sobered. "I do know that." She set aside her empty teacup, frowning down at the last of her noodles. "You want me to help you find Aang, don't you? Well... I can't."

"Please," Zuko said urgently. "Please, we want to _help_ , we can teach him to fire-bend, and - "

"You don't understand. I _can't_." Katara looked up, and her blue eyes were swimming in tears. "I don't know where he is. When they came back to Ba Sing Se, Azula had me hidden in this really deep cave. She laughed about it. She said they'd taken the Earth King, but not me. That they'd left me behind."

Zuko stared at her, stunned. "You were separated? I mean... they'd been away from Ba Sing Se?" 

She nodded. "Aang had to go to the Eastern Air Temple for training, and Sokka went to - " She brightened. "Chameleon Bay! Our father and the Water Tribe warriors were supposed to be there. They might go back... or if they don't, maybe Dad will still be there, and know where they went." 

"Good!" Zuko let out a sigh of relief. "That's good. We'll go to Chameleon Bay, then." 

Iroh, however, looked troubled. "Chameleon Bay... I know it, but it is not near here. At least four or five days even by ostrich-horse, and much longer on foot. We do not have supplies for such a journey, and they are not likely to wait for us with Ba Sing Se occupied." 

Zuko tipped the broth from his noodles into his mouth, then set aside his empty bowl. "Then we should get started." 

He liked the way Katara smiled at him when he said that. It was nice when you tried to do something for someone and they actually appreciated it.

* * *

Theft was a better way to provision themselves, just now, than openly buying what they needed. Iroh had fully agreed with Zuko that he, in his guise as the Blue Spirit, should obtain food, ostrich-horses, and a change of clothes for Katara less distinctive than her worn blue Water Tribe gown, leaving some of their gold in exchange. His only request was that Zuko be sure to leave the Earth Kingdom gold coins, not the Fire Nation - let it be something the people they had robbed could spend anywhere in their kingdom without being lynched for aiding and abetting the enemy.

"Does he do that often?" Katara asked quietly. They were sitting tucked away in the bushes, peeking out at the small town below. Zuko had vanished into the shadows almost immediately, but they both kept looking towards the lights of the town, as if by looking they could keep him safe. 

"Disguise himself as the Blue Spirit?" Iroh shrugged, keeping his own voice low. "I truly do not know. I first found out about it after we were declared outlaws, but from his skill, I think he has done it before. I had him dispose of the mask, after the events under Lake Laogai, but it only took him a couple of hours to find a very similar one. The Snow Demon mask is a common one, it seems." 

Katara sighed. He couldn't really see her - between the large black cloak she was muffled in and the trees blocking out any moonlight, she was more or less invisible. "Is it always like this?" 

"Is what always like what?" He leaned back against the large tree and relaxed, recognising the wistful tone of a young person in need of advice. 

"I don't know. War. Responsibility. Growing up." She sighed again, and he felt the cloak brush his arm as she leaned back against the tree in turn. "Everything seems simple at first, and then it just gets _complicated_ and people you thought were just bad guys turn out to be decent and then..." She let her head fall back against the tree with a little thunk. 

"Yes. It is always like that," Iroh said, remembering what an unwelcome surprise that had been for him - and he had been far older than Katara when he'd found out! "Nothing in life is ever as simple as you think it is when you are young. Love, war, politics, agriculture... it's always more complicated than it seems to the young." He paused. "I was surprised by how willing you were to believe our story."

"I'm still not sure I do. But..." She shrugged, small shoulder moving against his broad one. "I hated Zuko for chasing us, for being Aang's enemy, but... you remember the time he tied me to the tree?"

"Of course."

"I'm not a child," she said softly, and she didn't sound like one. The weary resignation in her voice belonged to a woman two or three times her age, not a girl in her teens. "I know what the pirates would have done to me. The same thing that most Fire Nation soldiers would have. Zuko... didn't. He tied me up, but he didn't hit me or... or lay hands on me. He actually talked to me as if I was a person, at least, even if I was still only a water-tribe peasant to him. And he wouldn't let anyone else do it, either. When one of the soldiers said... something I'd rather not repeat... Zuko got angry and sent him away."

"Shen. He was scrubbing decks for a month." Iroh smiled a little. "My nephew has his faults, but to lay unwelcome hands on a lady is not an action he would ever condone."

"I know. When we fought at the North Pole he was a jerk, but he wasn't... you know." 

Iroh did know, and pride in his nephew warmed him again. "Yes. I know."

"So I'm not sure about this whole being good now thing. But he's right about how dangerous it would be for me to try to travel alone." She shrugged again. "I may not _like_ either of you, but I don't think you'll... try that. And if I trust you that much, then you have to be at least a little decent, and Zuko did rescue me from Azula, and compared to Azula he's practically a cuddly rabbaroo..." She made a little huffing noise. "I'm confused." 

"I can understand that." He reached over, and managed to find her hand to give it a fatherly pat. "We have two days before you need make any decision beyond that. And when you do, well, if we are surrounded by Water Tribe warriors then we will not likely inconvenience you for long."

She was silent then, and he suspected that for the first time she was realizing that they had placed their lives in her hands just as hers was in theirs. Two members of the royal family of the Fire Nation in a camp full of Water Tribe warriors did not have a long life expectancy, even if they were capable warriors themselves. He hoped that she considered that even her intervention might not be enough to protect them - she was, after all, only a girl in her teens, and there was every chance that her tribe's warriors wouldn't listen to her. 

Still, that was two days away. He had time to consider suitable precautions. And since they sat silent until Zuko returned, there was every hope that she was considering the question. 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Katara was the first to wake up. Zuko had wanted to set watches, but Iroh had vetoed this. As exhausted as they all were, after two interrupted nights, staying awake would only slow them down the next day. He looked tired, certainly - he wasn't a young man, after all. And Katara had been all but asleep on her feet when they finally stopped, well after the middle of the night. She barely remembered dozing off, curled up under her borrowed cloak and wishing for Appa's cosy flank to sleep on. 

She changed her clothes while the men were safely asleep. Zuko had stolen a high-collared green dress for her, with split skirts like her own and loose brown trousers to be worn underneath. The sleeves were a little too long and the sash was very much needed to hold in the too-wide dress, but Zuko had done surprisingly well for a boy in finding a dress that would fit her. He hadn't thought to obtain a comb, of course, but Katara made do with her fingers and put her hair back in a simple braid. It felt strange not to have her hair loops, but Iroh had been quite right in suggesting that this was no time to advertise that she was Water Tribe. 

To her surprise and pleasure, she didn't have to start a fire. The small fire from last night had been skilfully banked, and there were plenty of coals left that could be blown back into life. Zuko might not have thought to steal a comb or hair-tie, but he'd had the sense to pick up another pot and some food. When he sat up, yawning and rubbing his hands through his scruffy hair, Katara had filled the smaller pot with water and set it aside, with the small teapot freshly rinsed and ready, so Iroh could make his tea when he woke up. The larger pot was on the fire and was starting to smell quite nice. 

Zuko gave her a puzzled look. "What are you doing?"

Katara blinked. "I'm... making breakfast?" If you'd asked her before today if it was possible for Zuko to look cute, she'd have laughed until she felt sick. But now, with his hair ruffled up and sort of flopping over his face, and his face all bewildered... well. Maybe a little cute, in a puppyish way. 

"Why?" He covered a yawn with one hand, still blinking at her. 

Katara frowned, still not quite understanding the question. "Because... it's breakfast time?"

The roly-poly bundle of blankets that was Iroh rolled over and sat up, blankets falling aside as he stretched his arms over his head. "Ahhh... that smells good!" he said cheerfully. "What a delightful way to start the morning!" He looked at the fire, and saw the pot of clean water and freshly-rinsed teapot sitting ready, and beamed. "And preparations for tea as well! What a thoughtful young lady!" 

"She's cooking," Zuko said, looking from his uncle to Katara and back again. 

"Is he always this stupid when he wakes up?" Katara asked tartly, stirring the pot again. "Honestly, don't people in the Fire Nation eat breakfast?"

"When they can get it." Iroh came over to sit beside her. "I think what Zuko is trying to ask - he is not at his most communicative first thing in the morning - is why you are cooking breakfast for _us_."

Katara looked down at the pot full of millet porridge. "I always make breakfast," she said, a little startled to realise that she hadn't actually thought about it. It was morning, so she'd made breakfast for the whole camp, just like she always did. "And dinner. All the cooking, actually. I don't know how they're going to manage without me." She loved them all, missed them and longed to find them again, but she couldn't deny a tiny twinge of satisfaction at the thought that maybe after getting by on their own for a while, Sokka and Toph might be a bit more appreciative of her efforts. (Aang at least said thank you occasionally, but the others...)

"Well, we are very grateful," Iroh said firmly, moving the small pot over to the fire and sitting down across from Katara. "Zuko cannot cook at all, and I fear that I am little better. That looks delicious, though. What is that in it?"

"Dried fruit. I found some in the big pack, and it makes the porridge sweet." She looked at Zuko, who had crawled out of his blankets and gone over to the ostrich-horses. "Are you going to give them water? The porridge will be done in a few minutes."

Zuko nodded. "Won't take long." He yawned again, but if he was still sleepy it didn't show in the way he handled the animals, gripping each bridle with firm assurance and tugging them around to walk down to the stream. 

Across the fire from Katara, Iroh was humming softly as he heated the water with his hand over the pot. "This is much better than our last escape," he said cheerfully when he saw Katara looking at him. "We have supplies, money, and a charming young lady preparing breakfast for us."

Katara smiled at him a little tentatively. The old man had never been like Zuko. Yes, he'd told her it was her own fault when she got caught by Zuko and the pirates, but he hadn't been wrong. "I hope you like it."

"I am sure I will." He smiled back at her. "I hope you enjoy your ginseng tea! Just the thing to prepare you for a long day." 

"It sounds wonderful." The crunching of sticks under huge feet heralded the return of Zuko and the ostrich-horse. Katara glanced over, the disloyal thought occurring to her that if they'd ridden ostrich-horses instead of Appa, Sokka probably wouldn't bother taking them to get a drink before having his own breakfast. Or feeding them, either - Zuko was putting a sort of bag over each ostrich-horse's nose, and Katara could hear munching. Zuko came over to the fire, looking much more awake and with traces of dampness on his face and hair showing that he'd woken himself up by washing while the ostrich-horses drank. Another thing Sokka wouldn't do without being told. 

She filled the wooden bowls, setting the remains aside. If nobody wanted seconds, she would let it thicken and make it into balls they could eat later. She passed the first one to Iroh, since he was the oldest, and he smiled. "Thank you, Miss Katara."

"Just Katara is fine." Miss Katara just sounded odd to her, although she did appreciate that he was trying to be polite. She passed the next bowl to Zuko. "Here." 

"Thank you. Uh. Katara." He looked at it a little warily, then took a bite. His face brightened. "This is good!" he said as soon as he'd swallowed.

"You don't need to sound so surprised!" Katara took a bite - it was good, thankfully. Millet was something she'd never had before coming to the Earth Kingdom, but she _really_ liked it. She'd been glad to see it in the supplies. 

"If you'd been eating Uncle's cooking for weeks, it'd surprise you too." To her surprise, Zuko actually grinned at his uncle, clearly teasing. "It took him weeks to stop burning the rice on the bottom. Do you know what burned rice tastes like?"

"Of course." Katara found herself giggling a little. "But in my defence, you try _not_ getting distracted from the rice when your brother runs screaming through the camp in his underwear with a swarm of sparrow-wasps after him." Not that that was the only time it had happened, but that was the funny one. 

"Oh dear. I hope he was not hurt badly." Iroh, at least, tried to hide the grin. Zuko wasn't bothering. 

"Aang got them with a whirlwind and took them far enough away that they got confused and gave up." Katara shook her head. "Don't even _ask_ about the time Sokka drank cactus juice and hallucinated for at least twelve hours."

"Why on earth would he drink cactus juice?" Zuko asked - and again, he swallowed before speaking! It seemed it _was_ possible to teach a teenaged boy manners. 

"We were in the desert. It's... complicated." Katara sighed, taking a spoonful of her own breakfast.

They both asked for seconds - and they _asked_ , instead of demanding. To Katara's complete surprise, Zuko even volunteered to wash the dishes. Maybe he _had_ changed? It was hard to imagine the snotty, sneering prince she'd met months ago actually volunteering to perform manual labour, let alone doing a good job.

Well. Good enough. He was still a boy, one couldn't expect miracles.

* * *

They only had two ostrich-horses. There had only _been_ two ostrich-horses. 

Zuko still needed to do some work on thinking things through, obviously. He'd simply assumed that he and Uncle would be sharing one, as they had before. Instead, when Katara eyed the creatures nervously and admitted to never having ridden anything smaller than the flying bison, Uncle had assured her that this would be no difficulty, since she would be riding behind Zuko and could just hold onto him. 

When Zuko hadn't quite been able to choke off his startled squawk, Iroh had patted his large belly and pointed out perfectly reasonably that since he was far heavier than either of the teenagers, clearly he should ride alone and they should ride together, to keep from overtiring one of the ostrich-horses.

When they were packed up, Katara approached one of the ostrich-horses warily. "Do they bite?"

"Yes." Zuko spoke with some feeling, remembering the pecks he'd gotten from the first one he'd stolen. "These two are pretty quiet, but be careful." He eyed the saddle, with the blanket tied onto the back for Katara to sit on. "Uh... maybe it would be easier if I got up first, Uncle, then you helped Katara up behind me?" 

"That might be best." Iroh nodded. "There is nothing to it, Katara, I assure you. Would you prefer to ride side-saddle or astride? Neither is especially comfortable, I am afraid, for a novice." 

"I'm not sure. Which way is worse?" Katara was asking as Zuko swung himself up into the saddle.

"Astride will probably be worse - but it's also much less precarious," Iroh said thoughtfully. "Believe me, falling off an ostrich-horse from a sidesaddle position is very easy, and not pleasant."

Katara nodded, lifting her chin. "Astride it is, then." 

Inexperienced she might be, but she wasn't clumsy. When Zuko reached down to offer her a hand, Iroh only had to give her his cupped hands to set her foot in and the next moment found her on the flat saddle behind Zuko.

It didn't feel like riding with Uncle. At all. Katara was small and slender, not square and squashy, and when she settled behind him, her thighs were pressed against his and her front against his back. After a moment, her arms slid around his waist, small hands taking a tight grip on the folds of his shirt. "Okay." she said, breath warm on the back of his neck. "I think I'm on." 

"Good," Zuko said, staring steadfastly between the ostrich-horse's ears and _not looking at Uncle at all_. His face was blazing red, he knew that, but damned if he'd admit to being embarrassed. Or that this was quite definitely the most physical contact he'd ever had with a girl. Ever. 

It didn't get any better. Once they were in motion, at first Katara jostled against him awkwardly, constantly reminding him of her presence. When she got the hang of rocking with the beast's movement, there was less jostling, but she was _rocking_ and that made not thinking about other things even more difficult. Thank Agni and all the spirits that Uncle was right there, he thought fervently. Nothing prevented certain physical reactions like dwelling on Uncle noticing it and commenting. 

"This isn't so bad," Katara said softly, after a while, when they'd risked returning to a road. Uncle didn't know exactly where Chameleon Bay was, without a map, but he knew how to find the river that led there. "It's bouncier than riding Appa, but it's really not bad at all."

"Wait until you've been doing it for a few days before you say that," Zuko said with feeling. "It gets worse."

"Oh." She sighed, another warm gust of breath on his neck. "Thank you for the warning, I guess." 

They rode in silence for a little while and Zuko tried to think of something to say. They couldn't just sit in silence all day long, could they? "Are you, uh, thirsty? I have a waterskin."

"Not yet." She shifted her arms around him, so that her hands were crossed over his stomach instead of nervously clutching his clothes. "It's... awkward, isn't it?" 

"Yeah." He sighed, relieved that she thought so too. "Do you... believe me? About changing?" 

"I believe that even if you haven't changed at all, you're still a big improvement on Azula." She snorted. "Mind you, an angry komodo-rhino would be a big improvement on Azula."

"A really big improvement, believe me." Zuko couldn't help grinning a little at the thought of Azula's expression if she'd heard someone compare her to a rhino. "I... look, you may have noticed that talking isn't exactly my... strongest area. I don't know how to explain it to you so it makes sense."

She nodded - he felt her chin bump against his shoulder. Or was it her nose? Something, anyway. "I did notice that," she said dryly. "I guess I can believe that you've worked through your anger a bit. But it's a big leap from that to actually supporting the Avatar against the Fire Lord. Why would you do that?"

"I told you. Because it needs to be done. Because I need to stop obsessing over my own honour and think of the Fire Nation."

"I remember you saying that. I just... don't understand why. You were risking your own life in the North Pole just a couple of months ago to _capture_ Aang for the Fire Lord, and now you want to help us against him? And how does the Fire Nation's honour come into it?" 

Zuko sighed. "Did you know that as much as thirty percent of the Fire Nation army has been composed of women for the last hundred and fifty years?" he asked, trying to present a reasoned argument for once. He'd been _trained_ in oratory, he should be able to explain himself to one girl.

"It has?" Katara frowned. "I've never seen any."

"They don't fight on the front lines. My grandfather decreed that female soldiers would serve in the homeland and the colonies. He said that our enemies would..." He cleared his throat, trying to find the right words. "That being barbarians, they might... uh... subject female soldiers to indignities that..." That the Fire Lord wanted his own troops to use, or so he suspected now. Women would not do that, _could_ not... so why not keep them at home, enforcing the Fire Nation's so-civilized laws, while the soldiers learned that those laws only applied within the Fire Nation? 

"I know what you mean." Katara's voice was quiet. "Believe me. I know about the indignities soldiers subject women to." 

His blood actually seemed to run cold, a chill going down his spine. Katara was so young, surely... "You do?"

She must have felt him tense up, because she answered quickly. "Not personally! Although if you hadn't been there, when the pirates..."

"I know. That's why I said I'd save you, I meant - "

"I know. And I was glad you were there. I mean, I still hated you and everything, but you've never... I mean, even when we were fighting at the North Pole, you didn't - "

"I would never! That kind of... of vile, dishonourable behaviour is..." Zuko shook his head. "Even if we were still enemies - and we're not, whether you believe it or not - your virtue would be as safe with me as with your own brother."

"That's why I'm here," she said softly. "I _could_ have just sneaked away this morning, you know, instead of making breakfast. But I know you were right, that I'm safer with you than alone right now."

"Well. Good." Zuko took a deep breath. "Anyway. Women don't serve on the front lines for that reason. I was always taught that... that rape was a terrible crime, with severe penalties. That while barbarians may indulge in such practices, we of the Fire Nation know better." 

"I see." 

Maybe she did, but Zuko explained anyway. "Then, when we were travelling through the Earth Kingdom, I was afraid our eyes would give us away. Nobody outside the Fire Nation has yellow eyes. I thought I'd stand out as much as you would in the Fire Nation." 

"But you didn't?" she said gently.

"No, we didn't. I couldn't understand why nobody noticed. Then _I_ saw some people with yellow or light brown eyes. A couple of kids and a guy a few years older than me." He looked down at his hands. "Then my uncle explained that... that it happens. That it's _common_. And given how long the war's been going, even someone as old as Uncle wouldn't draw attention anymore." 

She was quiet for a minute. "That came as a shock to you, didn't it?"

Zuko nodded. "It never happened on my ship. Uncle warned me that sailors sometimes take... liberties, and that I should make sure they knew that the penalties would be strictly enforced. I was only thirteen then and I didn't... I thought he meant they wouldn't take my authority seriously. I didn't really think about what he meant by 'liberties'."

"He was right, you know. They do." Katara's voice was bitter. "Do you remember my village? Did you manage to make a headcount, while you were threatening us?"

"Not exactly. I saw about twenty women and children, I guess, but - "

"Twenty-four. Ten women, including three grandmothers, and fourteen kids - me, Sokka, and twelve younger ones between two and eight." The bitterness was still there, more intense than ever, and Zuko found himself wincing without understanding why. "The warriors who left with my dad? There was twenty-nine of them. And that's all that's left of the Southern Water Tribe."

Zuko stared ahead for a moment, at his uncle's broad back. "That's _all_? I thought it was just one village!" 

"Just one village is all there's been for the last fifty years. Every time the Fire Nation attacks, it's the same." Her fists clenched against his stomach. "They fight the men, and take their pick of the women away. That's why there's so many more men than women now. Why there's so few of us left. Wounded men can recover, but none of the women ever come back. After the last time, when I was eight, two families with daughters just left. They said they'd rather give up being Water Tribe than just wait for _that_." 

Zuko's stomach clenched, and he felt sick. "That's why you were so scared," he said numbly. "When our ship... you thought..."

"I've always known," she said bleakly. "Ever since my moon cycle started, I knew that one day a Fire Nation ship would take me away. For being a waterbender or being a woman." 

Zuko swallowed hard against rising bile. "I'm sorry. I didn't... I didn't hurt anyone. I wasn't _going_ to. I just..."

"I know. Believe it or not, that was actually the politest any Fire Nation soldiers have ever been." Katara shrugged, and he was upset enough to barely register the way certain things shifted against his back. "And then we ran into you again, and you... I thought it was because you were so young. Not that you're not old enough to - you know," she added hastily, before outrage could do more than flash. "But you're not like the others. You still looked at us like people, not _things_." 

"That's why," he said, taking another deep breath. "I didn't know about the Water Tribe, but I did know what they'd been doing in the Earth Kingdom. And I know what Zhao did. Destroying the Moon Spirit, enraging the Sea Spirit - how could he do something so stupid? The Fire Nation has three cities that aren't on or near the coast. _Three_! We live on islands! All our trade goes by sea! And yet Zhao did that, and he _must_ have had my father's permission. Even he wasn't so stupid as to do something like that without the Fire Lord's knowledge." 

"Your uncle tried to stop him," Katara said quietly. "That's part of the reason I was willing to go with you. He may be Fire Nation, but he did try to stop Zhao."

"After that, Azula found us. She came to ask us to come home. Ask me to come home. And I _know_ she always lies, I do, but I wanted it so badly. And then her captain slipped and called us 'the prisoners'." Zuko looked out at the horizon. It was easier to tell her these things when she was sitting behind him, when he didn't have to see the condemnation or pity on her face. "And she couldn't have done that without my father's permission, either. I tried not to think about it. I tried not to think about _anything_ for a while. But I couldn't _keep_ from knowing it. That my father had sanctioned the murder of the Moon Spirit, despite what it would do to our own people. That Fire Nation soldiers are feared and hated for good reasons. That all the things I'd been so proud of, being a Prince of the Fire Nation, all of that..." He sighed. Eloquence had clearly deserted him. "I am ashamed," he said very quietly. "Of what my father has done. Of what my nation has done. Can you understand that?"

"I guess so," Katara said thoughtfully. After a few minutes, she made a surprisingly cute little 'hmph' noise. "But don't think that I'm just going to take your word for it. Rescuing me was a good start, but you still have something to prove."

"I know. I will." 

They didn't talk much after that, but it was a sort of comfortable silence. Katara might be used to flying around on a giant beast, but Zuko was pleased to note over the course of the day that she wasn't inclined to complain about the discomforts of ground travel. Pleased and somewhat embarrassed when he realised that she complained much less and helped much more than he had for quite some time. 

And by 'helped' he meant that she knew significantly more about making a comfortable camp and edible meals than either Zuko or Iroh had ever managed.

* * *

Katara felt very odd as she handed around bowls of rice and thick meat soup. Making camp with two men who, until a few days ago (how long had she been in Azula's clutches? she had no idea) she would have numbered among her worst enemies felt... wrong.

On the other hand, she'd never had to do so little. Iroh had built up the fire for her and brewed tea to sustain them all while she cooked. Zuko had collected firewood - not only enough for a small cooking fire, but some to take with them next day, which was a piece of good planning she wouldn't have expected from him. And the two of them together had managed to put up a small tent with only a little swearing. (And it was sort of cute how much Zuko had blushed when he realised he'd cursed in front of her.)

"I could only find one tent," Zuko said, accepting the bowl she handed him. "But that doesn't matter. Uncle and I are getting used to sleeping outside." 

Katara paused, spoon hovering over the soup pot. "You want _me_ to sleep in the tent? By myself?" 

"Of course," Iroh said, sniffing his own dinner appreciatively. "Last night was one thing, as dark as it was when we stopped, but certainly we would not expect a young lady to share a camp with two men not of her own family without securing her privacy!"

Katara stared at them both. "Really?"

"Of course!" Zuko looked a little annoyed. "What, did you think we were going to sleep in the tent and leave you outside on the ground?"

"No, of course not." Katara hastily filled her own bowl, feeling ridiculously embarrassed. "I didn't think about it. I was busy cooking." Actually, she'd assumed that His Princeliness would get the tent - which was unfair, she knew that now that she was thought about it. Zuko had made less fuss about the hardships of travel than even Sokka did, some days! 

"Oh. Well, it's for you." Zuko's hackles lowered almost visibly and he took a mouthful of soup. 

"I see." Katara smiled tentatively at him. "Thank you." 

He swallowed, looking away from her with obvious embarrassment. "It was Uncle's idea."

No matter whose idea it had been, Katara appreciated it. Privacy was something every girl needed now and then - well, possibly not Toph. She didn't wash and didn't seem to have her moon cycle yet, so it didn't matter to her. But it would never have occurred to Aang or Sokka that she might want privacy. And thinking that felt terribly disloyal. How could she think that _anything_ about Prince Grouchypants and his uncle was better than her own brother and Aang?

 

She distracted herself, after they'd eaten, by reading the dispatches they'd given her. She had to get Iroh to explain a lot of the terms and abbreviations to her, and then go through them again. She thought they'd be useful to her father, and to Sokka... if they found them in time. Which of course they would. 

 

She hadn't noticed that Zuko had slipped away until he came back, his hair damp. He'd sort of combed it with his fingers, and it stood up like a crest. She saw Iroh glance at it and then away, his lips twitching, and nobly stifled her own giggle. She couldn't resist the question, though. "Did you just go and wash?"

"No, I was attacked by another waterbender." Zuko rolled his eyes. "Of course I did. Is that surprising?"

"Yes!" It came out too forceful, and Katara's face warmed. "I mean - "

"You mean what, that you're surprised I _bathe_?" Zuko actually looked as if he'd received a mortal insult. "I bathe every day! Or at least wash!"

"Every single day?" 

"Yes!" Insult shaded suddenly into embarrassment. "Why did you think I don't? Do I smell or something?"

"No! No, it's not that!" Katara waved her hands hastily. "But you're a boy, and all the boys I ever knew won't wash at _all_ unless they get told to!"

Iroh snickered quietly, and Zuko looked horrified. "At all? Doesn't that _itch_?"

"You'd think it would." Katara shook her head. "I mean, obviously you can't bathe every day at the South Pole - it's too cold, and you have to heat the water and everything. But I always washed with a cloth, at least," she added, remembering his 'filthy peasant' comments and belatedly realizing there might be a tiny bit of potential truth to that, when it came from someone who bathed every single day. "Sokka seems to think his skin will come off if he does it too often." 

Zuko's face creased into a ludicrously disgusted expression. "Ugh. He must smell terrible."

"Most of the time, yes." Katara wrinkled her nose. "Aang's not quite as bad, but teaching him waterbending means that he gets rinsed off pretty regularly." 

"Standards of personal cleanliness do vary greatly, I have noticed," Iroh said peaceably. "The Fire Nation is warm all year around - very warm by your standards, Katara. Everyone sweats much more than you could imagine and swimming in the sea is a pleasant activity, not fatal within moments! So we bathe and swim far more often than anyone else seems to. Of course in the South Pole, washing with a cloth and a small amount of water would be much more practical and less chilly. And easier to avoid altogether, if one happened to be a boy who does not mind how he smells."

"Bathing and swimming every day sounds wonderful," Katara said, resting her chin on her knees. "I _love_ warm water - there was a bath in our house in Ba Sing Se, and I must have spent an hour in there every day. I had no idea how nice a really hot bath could be before that." She wished she had one now - she was stiff and sore after riding behind Zuko all day. Hot water would be really nice right now. 

Even cool water was nice, she decided early the next morning. She hadn't been willing to go so far from camp in the dark, not being able to create her own flame, but she crept out at dawn and took a very quick bath, ready to throw a water whip at the very first sign of any Fire Nation peekers. 

Being clean made her feel much better - though she did feel guilty about the squirrel-cat she'd water-whipped out of its tree. And when she slipped back to the camp, they were both still asleep. Well. Iroh was snoring and Zuko was a tuft of dark hair sticking out from under a blanket, so she assumed they were asleep.

They thanked her for breakfast _again_. And Zuko took down her tent without even being asked. The whole journey was beginning to feel like a strange dream. Surely she couldn't really be travelling with Zuko and his uncle instead of Sokka and Aang, couldn't really be finding at every turn how nice it was to travel with people old enough to be responsible and not just assume she was going to take care of them.

Certainly she couldn't be blushing furiously as Iroh boosted her up behind Zuko. The flat saddle-plate had been thoughtfully padded with a folded blanket and Katara had certainly had less comfortable seats, even with the lingering stiffness from yesterday. But to stay on she had to wrap herself around Zuko as if they were a pair of mating polar-bear dogs! Her legs pressed against his, her front against his back, her arms locked around him - she'd thought being swept up in Jet's arm as they ascended to the treehouses had been startlingly intimate, but it was nothing compared to this. Especially when the ostrich-horse started moving and they rocked together in a way that made Katara feel as if her whole head was catching fire. 

Noticing that the back of his neck had gone pink made her feel a bit better. At least it embarrassed him too. "I kind of hope that Aang and the others don't find us before we get there," she said, relief loosening her tongue and sending her straight back into a flustered quiver.

"Why not?" he asked, and she wondered if she was imagining the tension in his voice. 

"If Sokka saw this, I think he'd separate your head from your body," she said, embarrassed but finding that it was almost... fun... to embarrass him as well. She couldn't figure out why, but it was. "He has this thing about... uhm... letting boys anywhere near me."

The faint flush in the back of his neck became a very bright one. "It's not... I mean, we're just... he might _try_ ," he spluttered. "I flattened him at the South Pole, and I could do it again!" 

"I'm sure you could. But it's not..." Katara cleared her throat, still blushing herself. "I don't know how it works in the Fire Nation, but at home, if my Gran Gran or my dad saw me sitting this close to a boy, they'd start dropping hints about wedding furs." 

His entire body stiffened up and his neck was still burning. "It's not... I wouldn't... that's ridiculous!" 

She'd have felt insulted by that if he hadn't been all but vibrating with embarrassment. As it was, she giggled a little. "I know! I know, really! It's the only way to stay on! But... it's sort of embarrassing. A little."

Zuko relaxed noticeably when she admitted to being embarrassed. "Well. Yes. A little. It would be... In the Fire Nation this would be quite, uh... I mean, people would assume we were dating at least. If we weren't riding. Riding doesn't count." 

"Of course not." And she wasn't going to admit that riding pressed up against someone so warm and muscular, possible enemy or not, felt sort of nice. In an embarrassing way.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, much love to my wonderful beta Bea!

It took a long time for Zuko's embarrassment to ease completely. It helped that she'd admitted it embarrassed her too - at least she wouldn't think he was stupid for being unsettled by it. At the same time, he felt a little guilty - she _was_ embarrassed by it, and that meant he really shouldn't be enjoying the way she was snuggled up to him. He tried not to think about it, but she was _there_ , pressed against his back, and when she rested her head on his shoulder he got a happy, unsettled feeling in his stomach. It was silly, but it did feel nice.

Uncle suggested bathroom breaks several times - and thank Agni he did, because Zuko certainly wasn't bringing that up with Katara snuggled up to him like that, and Katara didn't seem inclined to either. Which was perfectly understandable. But having her snuggle up against him all over again, after they'd just been... exposing things, and _touching_ things in his case, he didn't really know what process girls used (and he wasn't thinking about it, definitely not at all)... well, it didn't help him to be any less embarrassed. After they'd stopped for a lunch of dried meat and rice balls and were travelling again, Katara broke the long silence. "Sokka's going to be even more suspicious of you than I am. He's always telling me I'm too trusting. And even though you did rescue me, it's... You've spent so long chasing us. And you're Fire Nation."

"I am. And I always will be. I'm doing this because I _care_ about the Fire Nation, not because I'm a traitor, no matter what my father will say." Zuko felt some of the old defensive anger rising, and was startled. He'd thought that had passed. But then, he'd tried not to talk about his father or even think about him since the fever, perhaps that had something to do with it. "You told me that the Avatar doesn't hate us, that he only wants peace. What about your brother?"

"He wants the war to end. Besides that..." Katara sighed. "You know why I was afraid. Sokka's grown up knowing that he's probably going to die trying to keep someone from taking me... or killing me. A Fire Nation soldier murdered our mother in our own house," she added, so quietly that he almost missed it.

Zuko flinched. What she'd said yesterday was bad enough. With this to hold against the Fire Nation as well, he wondered how she could be willing to even consider giving him a chance, how she could possibly be so forgiving as to not murder him on the spot. "You lost your mother to the Fire Nation. That's something we have in common," he blurted out, turning his head to look back at her. He could just see the side of her face, if he strained. "All of us," he added, glancing forward at his uncle. "Losing family, anyway."

He felt her tense, her flattened hands pressing against his stomach. "What do you mean?"

"My cousin Lu Ten, Uncle Iroh's only son, died in the war. He... Father said it made Uncle weak, that not wanting to fight or hurt anyone anymore was weakness. I'm only now starting to understand that it wasn't. And when I was ten, my mother..." It was hard to talk about. He'd never talked about it, not to anyone. But he wanted her to understand. "I don't know what happened to her. One day, I woke up and my grandfather was dead, he'd named my father his heir instead of Uncle, and my mother was gone. Nobody would ever tell me what happened to her. When I tried to ask my father, he told me never to mention her name again."

"Oh." She was silent and still for a moment, and then she moved again, her cheek pressing against his shoulder-blade and her hands coming up to press on his chest, arms tightening around him. Agni, was she... hugging him? She was. Zuko swallowed hard, his eyes stinging ridiculously. "I'm so sorry. I didn't... I can't imagine what that would be like."

Tentatively, he took one hand off the reins to come up and cover hers. It was small and soft under his. "It was my father. It had to have been. He was the only one who benefited. The only one who had the power to make her disappear like that. I... I don't know why I didn't hate him for that." His voice cracked and he was immediately furious with himself. Showing weakness like this to someone who had been an enemy so recently, he knew better...

"Because he was all you had left," Katara said quietly. "It's... Two years ago, my dad left. He took all the warriors and left. He was trying to draw the patrols north, he said, to do what he could to keep the Fire Navy well away from us." She sounded miserable, too. "And I know why he did it, and I know why he had to. I do. But I'm so angry with him for leaving us, I almost hate him for it, but he's my _dad_ and I love him and... I know it's not the same. It's pretty much the exact opposite. But I know how it feels to only have one parent left and then feel like they let you down. I do."

Zuko had to swallow hard and clear his throat before he could trust his voice. "I guess we have that in common, too." It _wasn't_ the same, but having someone come even close to understanding, to not blame him but to say that his father had let him down...

"I guess we do." She gave him another gentle squeeze, and it felt like... Zuko didn't have words for it. But it was like the moment of clarity when he'd woken up from his fever, like the hug he'd shared with Uncle on that first day at the Jasmine Dragon. As if all the anger and unhappiness that had driven him for so long had melted away into warmth and peace.

It was a few minutes later that Katara spoke again." Uh... can I ask you something?"

"Okay."

"How on _earth_ did you get into the Water Tribe city at the North Pole?" she asked, and he could hear the smile in her voice. "Chief Arnook turned the city inside out and he couldn't figure it out. Nobody could. I thought Master Pakku was going to have a stroke when he realised that a _Prince of the Fire Nation_ had just walked into the city without anyone even noticing!"

He found himself laughing a little. It was a relief to get away from the personal and the painful, but her arms were still around him and he still had that warm, peaceful feeling. "I didn't walk. I swam."

"You did not!" she protested. "I tried! I nearly froze!"

"But you're not a firebender."

"You can't bend fire under water, can you? You'd cook yourself!"

"Uncle calls it the breath of fire." He drew one of her hands up and breathed warmth over it. "Not everyone can do it, but if you know how, you can heat yourself from the inside - like calling up the heat of fire without the actual fire."

She giggled a little, fingers twitching in his hands. "That feels weird." She didn't pull her hand away from his, though. "Even so, those tunnels are so long..."

"I was pretty desperate," Zuko admitted. "I didn't have much to lose... or I thought I didn't. Uncle begged me not to go," he added, looking ahead again. "But back then, I didn't... I wanted to redeem myself so badly that nothing else seemed to matter."

"You got obsessed and you did some stupid things." Katara chuckled ruefully. "Okay, it's not nearly as bad as what you did, but if you ever wondered why I was out practicing with that stupid scroll in the middle of the night, it's because I got so jealous of how good at waterbending Aang is that I swiped the scroll and sneaked off to practice on my own. Oh, I know it's silly to be jealous of the Avatar for being good at bending, but I worked so hard and it was so easy for him!"

"I know that feeling," Zuko said, and he found himself smiling again. Had to be the first time he'd ever smiled when talking about this subject. "Azula's a firebending prodigy. She's _always_ been better than I am. And no matter what I did, I could never catch up." For once, the admission didn't sting. Maybe it was because she'd admitted to not being the best first.

"And I'll bet she rubbed it every chance she got. She's like that, I figured _that_ out fast enough. She's just mean because she likes it." Katara hesitated. "I used to think you were like that," she admitted. "When you were chasing us. But I was wrong. You were doing it because you thought you had to. So... I'm sorry about that."

She'd apologized to him. And sounded like she meant it. Had anyone but Uncle ever done that? "I'm sorry I called you a filthy peasant," he blurted out, and then blushed. Oh, why had he reminded her of _that_? "And everything else. I was... I'm not very good at... I was trying to be intimidating, because I'm young and people tend not to take me seriously unless I shout a lot and... uh... I'm sorry."

She laughed softly and he tensed up until she gave him a little squeeze around the middle. "I'm sorry, but... wow, that sounds really familiar. At least you had sailors and stuff to back you up. Do you have _any_ idea how often people ignore us or talk down to us because we're only kids?"

" _Yes_." Zuko groaned. "I've been hunting for the Avatar since I was thirteen. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get men two or three or four times your age to take you seriously as their captain when your voice still cracks all the time?"

"No, but Sokka has kind of an idea." Katara snickered. "It still does and he's nearly sixteen. It makes him so mad."

They talked for a while, but Katara got quieter and quieter as the afternoon progressed. He felt her head sag against his back and wondered if she was falling asleep, but her grip on him didn't weaken, so he just kept quiet.

"We should stop here, I think," Uncle said, when the sun was setting in a blaze of red and gold. He had stopped his ostrich-horse and was looking up the slope to their left. "There is a clearing up there, by the stream that crosses the road, where we can make camp, and grass for grazing. Exhausting the ostrich-horses today will not serve us tomorrow."

"All right." Zuko followed him up the stream, thankful for the ostrich-horse's agility. The clearing was there, and an outcropping of rock that would shield their fire from view from the road. "Katara? How are you holding up?"

"You were right," she said, her voice tight and unhappy. "It gets a lot worse after a couple of days. I think I'll need help getting down."

"Of course." Zuko tossed his reins to Uncle, who was already off his ostrich-horse, and slid off. "I'll help you down."

She obviously struggled to get her leg over the saddle. Zuko lifted her down, but when he tried to set her on her feet she crumpled and wound up all but smacking her face into his chest as he tried to catch her. "Owwwww..." she whimpered. "My legs _hurt_..."

"That is usual enough. I will heat the water-skins, so you can warm the sore muscles, but there is little else we can do here." Iroh looked sympathetic. "Zuko, help her over to the rocks there. I will spread out a blanket..."

"The stream," she said through gritted teeth. "I can use the water to heal the bruising, at least."

"You are a true healer?" Iroh sounded... kind of fascinated, actually. "I have always wanted to see a waterbender healer at work!" He paused, and then actually looked embarrassed. "Though of course, given the location of the bruising, perhaps not this time."

"Not this time." Katara managed a breathless laugh. "Maybe another day." She looked up at Zuko, clearly embarrassed. "Can you, uh, help me over there? And maybe upstream a little?"

"Of course." Naturally she'd want privacy, given that the bruising was... where it was. Zuko tried not to think about that.

He tried supporting her with an arm around her shoulders, but her breath hissed between clenched teeth at every wobbling step. After a few steps, he stopped them. "This isn't working." Carrying her on his back would just require him to put his hands right on her sore legs. He wasn't sure he could pull off the more dramatic way, but... "Okay, just stay still for a second."

It wasn't as hard as he'd expected. One arm across her back, one across the backs of her knees, a scoop and a little twist, and there she was, cradled in his arms and gazing up at him with wide eyes. "Oh!" she said, clearly startled.

She felt nice in his arms. Warm and soft, and the way she looked up at him made him feel... tall. Older. A lot more impressive than he knew he was. "Okay," he said, clearing his throat. "How about down here?" He carried her to the bank of the stream, about twenty feet away from the campsite. There were trees and bushes that would shield her from sight, but it wouldn't be far for her to walk afterwards.

"This is perfect." She sounded a little breathless - trying not to show that she was in pain, probably. He could understand that. "If you could just, uh, put me down there on that rock..."

The rock was a low one, and bending over seemed awkward. Zuko slid onto one knee instead, in what she wouldn't know was the start of the Phoenix Rises form, lowering her carefully onto the rock. "There. Uh. Is there anything else I can do to... help?"

She leaned forward, and winced. "Uhm... If you don't mind," she said hesitantly, "could you help me get my boots off?"

"Your... oh! Of course." Zuko took one small black and grey boot in his hands. Wow, she had little feet... not _weirdly_ little, like the stories he'd heard about girls in the Earth Kingdom who'd had their feet broken so they stayed tiny, just... small normal feet. "How does it - "

"There's a button on the outside, under the fur."

He found it, unfastening it and tugging the boot off. Yep, normal foot, with a few small callouses and five short toes. The other one matched it, when he got the other boot off, setting them aside carefully. "Okay. Is that all?"

"Yes. Thank you." She smiled at him shyly.

She kept thanking him. It was... nice. "Okay. I'll, uh, leave you to it. Call me if you need help getting back."

* * *

Getting out of her trousers was painful, but not too difficult. She left the loincloth on, unable to face unwrapping and rewrapping it and certainly not willing to actually strip half-naked so close to two near-strangers, but she thought she could heal her chafed and bruised thighs through that one layer of bandaging.

She looped the skirts of her dress over her shoulder, knotted to keep them up, and lowered herself into the cold water with a soft hiss. Oooh, that stung... but in a good way.

"Uncle!" she heard Zuko yelp, beyond the bushes.

"I mean no offence," Iroh said, and she could hear him if she strained her ears. "I merely wished to point out that there was a time not long ago when the mere idea of kneeling to take off a certain young lady's shoes for her would have sent you into a towering fury."

Katara knew she shouldn't eavesdrop... but she'd wondered about that herself. She'd expected at least a small protest, knowing how important Zuko's pride was to him, but he'd just _done_ it, on his knees in front of her, holding her feet in gentle hands. So she listened, holding her breath for as long as she could.

"That isn't... it's different!" Zuko sounded mortified. "She's in pain! And it's not... I'm trying to change, you know that!"

"I know you are," Iroh said gently, with so much love in his voice that Katara's eyes stung. She hadn't really understood before. Now, knowing that Iroh's son had died, that Zuko was all he had left... now she knew why Iroh had followed him for so long, and cared so much. She'd do exactly the same for Sokka, and he was a big jerk sometimes too. "And once again, you have proved that you have succeeded. I am proud of you, nephew."

She couldn't make out exactly what Zuko said in the embarrassed mumble that followed, but she knew she probably shouldn't have listened at all. She lowered her hands into the water, drawing energy up from within herself. Healing was something she liked doing, feeling the energy pour into living flesh, repairing it...

She couldn't get rid of the aching stiffness completely, but the chafing and actual bruising were gone when she lifted herself out of the water, bending the water out of her loincloth with a weary wave of her hands. She reached for her trousers... and after a couple of minutes, dropped them again. She just couldn't make herself bend over and balance on one leg, and once she dropped the skirts of the dress it wasn't like she wasn't covered just fine.

Picking up boots and trousers, she hobbled along the stream, letting out an involuntary yelp when her foot came down on a sharp rock.

"Katara? Are you all right?" Iroh called immediately.

"I'm fine! I just stepped on a rock!"

Zuko came around a tree about three seconds later, frowning. "I told you to call me if you needed help."

"I'm fine! It's just getting dark, and I didn't put my shoes back on and eep!"

He'd scooped her up in his arms again. She really should protest, but her foot hurt and her legs hurt and she knew perfectly well that that wasn't why she wasn't arguing. It was because it felt nice, being picked up and cradled in strong arms. It gave her a swoopy feeling in her stomach and a flutter in her chest, and when he shifted his grip and his big warm hand curled around her bare leg just above her knee her face felt like it was going to catch fire.

This was worse than Jet. Honestly, she was a sensible person most of the time! Why did she get silly fluttery feelings at the worst possible times, over the worst possible boys!? Of course it didn't mean anything - a girl couldn't be expected to not even notice the first time a handsome boy took her in his arms, whether she really liked him or not. But it was still mortifying.

For some reason, it didn't help at all that he was blushing so hard that she could see it even by firelight, when he set her down gently on a blanket by the fire. "Here. Uh... Uncle warmed up some water for you. To put on your legs. I'll just, uh.... I'll just go feed the ostrich-horses." He all but bolted, which meant that he was as embarrassed as she was, which meant he'd noticed something... argh!

By the time he came back, she had the water-skins arranged under her legs, and Iroh was busy making their dinner. He'd waved her off when she'd tried to help - she'd done all the cooking so far, he pointed out, and needed to rest so they could ride hard again tomorrow. It felt nice, being able to lie by the fire, with warm water drawing the aches out of her while someone else cooked.

Zuko sat down on Iroh's other side, not looking at Katara. "Uncle, do you need me to do anything?"

"You can stir the soup while I make tea. White tea, I think, to bring relaxation." Iroh smiled at Katara. "You must sleep as much as you can tonight, wrapped warmly. Tomorrow will not be comfortable, but it need not be so bad."

"Thank you." Katara smiled, leaning back against the pack Iroh had tucked behind her. "And thank you for cooking. I can't remember the last time someone cooked for me."

"Everyone likes to be taken care of a little, sometimes," Iroh said, returning her smile. "You have been cooking delightful meals for us. Let us return the favour."

The soup wasn't exactly delicious, but it was perfectly adequate, and the noodles and pieces of dried meat made it filling. Katara's eyes were heavy by the time she finished the bowl, and she let herself doze in front of the fire.

She pretended not to wake up when strong arms slid under her, moving her over to her bedroll and tucking a blanket over her gently. Iroh was right. There was nothing wrong with wanting to be taken care of a little sometimes.


	5. Chapter 5

 

"This is it," Iroh said quietly. "See where the trees end just ahead? That is the cliff above the beach. If they are here, that is where they'll be. There's a path somewhere, but I'm afraid I don't remember exactly where." 

Katara slid down off the ostrich-horse. She'd ridden sidesaddle today, and though she wobbled a bit, she stayed on her feet. "I should go first. They won't... I'll have to explain, before they see you." She looked up at Zuko, her expression anxious. "Will you wait here?" 

Iroh could tell that Zuko didn't care for that idea, but he wasn't sure if Zuko was afraid that Katara would take the chance to leave them behind, or if he was simply reluctant to see the girl go. That there was a certain amount of physical attraction between them was as obvious as it was inevitable. A girl whose only contact with boys in years had been her own brother and a child of twelve, and a boy whose only encounters with girls had been one awkward, embarrassing date, and the appealing but entirely inaccessible June, put in close physical proximity on an ostrich-horse for two days... well, those urges were natural enough. The two of them were so embarrassed by this unwanted new awareness of each other that he wasn't too worried. 

Zuko sighed. "We'll wait," he agreed, sliding off the ostrich-horse. "But if you're gone for too long, we'll come looking." 

"All right. Give me at least an hour, though." She smiled a flashing smile and slipped away, green skirts fluttering around her legs. 

They tied the ostrich-horses and settled down to wait. Iroh marked the position of the sun and sat down under a tree. Zuko paced and fretted until Iroh made him sit down to meditate, reminding him that he would _have_ to be calm if the warriors were there, that he would have to control himself, perhaps accept being made a prisoner for a while. 

An hour passed, and there was no sign. Iroh waited for roughly another twenty minutes, then allowed Zuko to lead the way to see for themselves what had happened. 

They climbed down the narrow path to a stretch of churned sand, the broken sticks and scraps of leather and other detritus of a camp broken in haste... and a girl sitting huddled on the sand, weeping her heart out at being left behind. 

She hadn't thought they would really leave, Iroh had known that. She hadn't let herself even think it, the idea that she might have lost her entire family in a few short days.

Zuko took a few steps towards her, then glanced back at his uncle helplessly. Crying girls really weren't something Zuko knew how to manage. 

Iroh went over to her, kneeling beside her in the sand. "Katara," he said gently. "I am sorry."

She kept crying - soft, weary sobs, with her head down on her knees and her arms wrapped tightly around them. 

Tentatively, Iroh put an arm around her shoulders. "You are not alone, Katara. I know that we are a poor substitute for your friends and family, but we are here and we want to help you."

"But they're gone." Her words were so distorted by sobs that it was hard to understand her, but she didn't pull away. "They're gone and I'll never catch up!" 

"That is not true." Iroh patted her shoulder gently. "We will find them. Perhaps this is not the best time to remind you, but nobody is better at tracking the Avatar than Zuko... even on an ostrich-horse." 

Katara let out something between a laugh and a hiccup. "But they're on boats now." 

"Even so. We have found him before. We will find him again and that will give us more time to convince you of our good intentions." Iroh hugged her gently. "Come, Katara. The sun will soon set. Let us go back up and make camp. We will eat, and have some tea, and sleep. Tomorrow morning, when the light is good, we will come back down and search for any secret signs they may have left for you. There is still hope." 

She wiped her eyes on her full sleeves, sniffling. "I... Thank you," she said softly. "You're right. And I'm glad you're here." 

"As am I," Iroh said, glancing back at Zuko. He had hoped for so long, while Zuko buried his gentle heart and honourable spirit deeper and deeper beneath his anger and longing for his father's approval. And now, with the rescue of this girl, his hopes had finally come to pass. "Come, my dear. Some tea and a good meal will make everything seem a little brighter."

"He always says that," Zuko said ruefully. He stepped in front of Katara, smiling uncertainly and holding out his hand. 

"You're lucky." She sniffled again, then reached up to take Zuko's hand, letting him pull her to her feet. "My Gran Gran prefers 'Come on, the chores won't do themselves'." 

"Which is true... but there's no rule that says that tea can't come first." Iroh stood, brushing sand off himself. "Oof. That climb will not be enjoyable, but it will be worse in the dark. Let us go while the light is with us." 

* * *

Katara cooked dinner, refusing offers of help. She needed something to do, she said, and they both seemed to understand that, leaving her in peace while she cut vegetables and boiled rice. It felt strange, asking to be left alone to cook and having it actually happen.

She needed time to think. She should have known they'd be gone. Iroh had tried to warn her. She just... hadn't believed that her father would leave her behind again. Which was stupid and unfair to him, she reminded herself. Azula had announced that she was a prisoner far and wide. For all she knew, they'd all gone off to _rescue_ her... and were going to run across an angry Azula instead.

So. She had no way to find them. Certainly had no way to follow Appa at any speed even if she did. She couldn't begin to guess where they were. Of course, there might be a message down there somewhere, something only she would understand. Sokka was good at figuring things out, surely he could come up with some kind of code - if it occurred to him that she might make her way here. Surely it would, wouldn't it?

She ate mechanically, barely noticing the food, and was grateful that neither boy nor old man pressed her to talk. Iroh insisted that she drink two cups of soothing tea and Zuko silently offered the warmed water-skins again, but other than that, they left her alone. 

Zuko shook her awake shortly after dawn, making no comment about her reddened eyes or the muffled sobs that had come from her bedroll during the night. "Katara," he said softly. "It's light. Uncle thought you'd want to go down to look for signs right away." 

She sat up, rubbing a hand over her eyes. "I do. Thank you." 

He offered her yet another cup of tea, not quite looking at her. "It's nothing. We'll come down with you." 

They did. Zuko and Katara started examining the remains of the campsite, but it was Iroh who found the message, hidden under the edge of the outcropping that supported the path. "Katara! Come here and see. These scratches look fresh."

The message was scratched into the stone, then rubbed over with charcoal to make it more visible, and Katara's eyes filled with tears at the sight. "Sokka," she said with certainty, reaching out to touch it.

The symbols wouldn't convey much to anyone else. A bent line, an arrow pointing down, and a squared Earth Kingdom symbol, with a circle around them. Another arrow pointing from there to a crooked boat and a sun, coloured black with charcoal. Another arrow, pointing to something with six legs and apparently severe spinal trouble. 

"What on earth is that supposed to mean?" Zuko asked, kneeling beside her and frowning. "Is that meant to be a boat?"

"Sokka draws about as well as you make tea," Katara said, sniffing and drying her eyes on her sleeve. "I understand it."

"Can you tell us what it means?" Iroh asked, looking over her shoulder.

Katara traced the signs with her fingertip. "Boomerang, Airbender arrow, and Earth Kingdom symbol - Sokka, Aang, and Toph. They're still together. They came here to where the boats were, then went on the mission they were planning before that. I _think_ that thing is supposed to be a chameleon, which would mean that they're planning to come back here afterwards and that I should wait." 

"That seems clear enough." Iroh nodded. "If we wait, they will return?" 

"Eventually." Katara touched the blackened sun again, then got to her feet. "Come on. Let's go have breakfast."

She'd dithered all last night, while she was cooking and lying awake after she went to bed. By the time she'd cooked more millet, she'd made up her mind. She moved to sit across the fire from Zuko and Iroh after handing the bowls around. "Zuko has explained some of why he wants to change sides," she said, trying to sound calm and mature. "General Iroh, do you agree with him?"

"I do," Iroh said, just as calmly. "Has Zuko told you about how he got the scar on his face?" 

Katara blinked. "No, he hasn't. Is that important? To this conversation, I mean."

"It is, I think. Zuko has personal reasons, as well as philosophical, for opposing the Fire Lord." Iroh glanced at his nephew. "Zuko, are you willing to tell Katara what happened?"

"Yes." Zuko's face was set, but he nodded and met Katara's eyes squarely. "I... I was exiled, when I was thirteen, for protesting against the deliberate sacrifice of our own men for advantage. That's when my father gave me this." He touched his scar, frowning. "For years, I thought it was my fault. That I needed to restore my honour. But I _wasn't wrong_. He was. And if he would do that to our own soldiers, let them be called 'fresh meat' while his generals laugh about how they'll be good bait... then I owe it to the loyal sons and daughters of the Fire Nation to protect them, since my father won't. To end this war, and let them go home."

Katara was staring at him in horror. "Your _father_ did that?"

"My brother has never brooked defiance... and Zuko not only disagreed with him, but publicly showed that a boy of thirteen better understood the responsibility of a leader than the Fire Lord himself." Iroh smiled sadly. "And better than an old prince whose heart had gone out of him. I did not protest either. Only Zuko was brave enough to speak up."

"Only I was _stupid_ enough," Zuko muttered ruefully.

"That too." Iroh chuckled. "Understand me, Katara. Zuko will not act against the interests of the Fire Nation, and neither will I. We are loyal still. But the Fire Lord is not the Fire Nation, and the war is a bleeding wound in the Fire Nation, draining the life from it even as it destroys everyone else. The war must end. Can we agree on that?"

"Yes." Katara took a bite of her porridge. A lot about Zuko made more sense after the last few days, the things he'd said about honour and going home... and the contrast between his constant fury before, and his awkward kindness now. Wanting to end the war out of genuine loyalty to their people made sense, too. She was certainly more willing to believe that than a sudden altruistic desire to help Aang. "All right. I know where they're going, and they won't be back for months. We can't wait. So we need to follow them."

"You know where they've gone?" Zuko spluttered. "But you said - "

"I don't know where they are now. But I know where they'll be in just under three months," Katara explained, putting down her bowl. "Do you remember how at the North Pole, Zhao killed the moon and all the waterbenders lost their power?"

Iroh shuddered. "He almost doomed us all in that moment." 

Katara nodded. "Well, blocking out the sun does the same thing to firebenders. It's only temporary, but - "

"Wait." Zuko frowned. "How could you possibly block out the _sun_? Being underground doesn't do it, _night_ doesn't do it - "

"But an eclipse will. And there's going to be a full eclipse in less than three months. The Day of Black Sun." She really, really hoped she was right about them. If she wasn't, if she'd just revealed their best chance to the enemy...

"What's an eclipse?" Zuko asked, sounding puzzled. 

"When the moon passes in front of the sun," Iroh said, rubbing his beard thoughtfully. "I remember when I was young, hearing something about the 'Darkest Day', but all knowledge of such things is forbidden now - at least within the Fire Nation. My father wished no-one to know that the power of the moon could directly counteract that of the sun, that it and the benders who drew strength from it were the equals of Agni and his firebenders. But there was a partial eclipse when I was a young man, and I noticed that my bending was far weaker for the few minutes it lasted."

Zuko looked down at his hands, clearly as nervous at the idea of having his bending snatched away as any bender would be. "So there'll be a day when firebending won't work?"

"Not a whole day. A few minutes," Katara admitted. "But if Aang faces the Fire Lord and his guards during those minutes..."

"He'll have the advantage. Something to make up for the fact that he's only partly trained." Zuko nodded slowly, and then his head shot up and he stared at her. "The Fire Nation. They're going to be in the _Fire Nation_ , in the capital... and you want to go there too."

"They'll need me." Katara lifted her chin, meeting his eyes defiantly. "So yes. If you want to join the Avatar, that's where we'll find him."

"You do recall that Zuko and I are wanted criminals?" Iroh said mildly. "Even if we could get there - "

"There's traffic between the colonies and the Fire Nation itself. I know there is." Katara folded her hands in her lap. "I was meeting with the Council of Five generals in Ba Sing Se. Cutting lines of supply to the Fire Nation was a big part of their plan, before it fell." 

"That's true. But without proper documentation - "

"Which you must have found a way to get," Katara countered swiftly. "I tried to get into Ba Sing Se too, you know. You needed passports - they wouldn't even let Aang in without one. And I know you didn't cross the Serpent's Pass, which was the only other way. If you could get Earth Kingdom passports, you can get Fire Nation ones."

Iroh ran a hand over his beard again, and then he smiled slightly. "Well. I am impressed, Katara. You are quite right. I can probably get my hands on three false sets of papers, certainly with the amount of gold we have at our disposal." 

"That doesn't matter," Zuko said flatly. "You can't buy us new faces. Maybe you and Katara could wear disguises, but _I_ can't!" He set down his half-finished breakfast, getting to his feet with jerky movements and shoving his hair back to expose the full extent of his scar. "This will _always_ mark me!"

Katara looked up at him, at the shame and misery on the mobile half of his face, and she didn't only make the offer because it was practical. "I'm a healer. I might be able to - "

"It's a scar! Scars don't heal!" 

Katara unfastened the neck of her dress and drew out the small phial Master Pakku had given her, the one Ty Lee had assumed was a talisman when Katara was searched. "This is water from the Spirit Oasis at the North Pole," she said quietly. "It has special properties. I've been saving it for something important." 

"You have?" There was such yearning on Zuko's face that Katara's throat tightened. "You... you think you could take my scar away?"

"I can try. Now, if you want to - "

"No," Iroh said firmly. "Not now."

Zuko turned on him, fists clenching. "Why not? Why _not_ now? If there's a chance - "

"Then we must do what we can to help that chance along." Iroh kept eating, quite calmly. "A waterbender's power waxes and wanes with the moon. Katara's power - and healing ability - will be at its very strongest under the light of a full moon, when she communes most directly with the moon spirit. That would be the best time." 

Katara nodded, but Zuko's expression was so stricken that she got up too, going around the fire to stand in front of him and making him look at her. "Zuko, I will try, I promise I will. But I only have a little of the spirit water, and if waiting until the full moon will make me stronger, then we should." She lifted her hand towards his scar, and he flinched.... then, slowly, he closed his eyes, turning his face towards her hand. Katara's heart skittered oddly in her chest, but she touched the ridged, hardened tissue very gently. "I'll work on it with ordinary water until then," she said softly. "If I can soften the scar tissue a little and try to encourage the skin around the edges to be healthy and ready to grow, that might help too." 

He'd shivered when she touched him. Now he opened his eyes, looking down at her with the softest expression she'd ever seen on that harsh face. "That... All right," he said softly. "Thank you, Katara."

"You're welcome." She still had misgivings. She had been wrong before - about Jet, for example - but she had to try. And when he looked at her like that, it was hard to believe he could be lying.

* * * 

Zuko had never felt anything like a waterbender's healing. Katara had made him lie down with his head in her lap, which had left him flustered and blushing no matter how hard he tried to hide it, and then he closed his eyes and cool water and soft fingers settled on the side of his face. The scar that he'd never let anyone touch since the doctors at the very beginning... 

And it felt good. The water warmed and he could feel the soft shiver of flowing energy even through the thickest part of the scar, where he'd thought he had no feeling left at all. It was like and unlike his own bending, energy flowing gently back and forth, outside his control but still present, drawing strength up through veins and flesh and soothing discomfort and numbness away. He sighed quietly, and heard her let out a little sigh as well. "It doesn't hurt?" 

"No." He could feel the tightness around his eye softening a little, and it took an effort to keep it closed. "It helps."

"Good." Her other hand held his hair back, and he could feel her little finger on his forehead. She'd touched him more in the last two days than anyone had since he was little. "What have you been putting on this?"

He frowned, then tried to smooth his face out again so she could work. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing, then." She sighed. "You should have been at least putting oil or salve on it, to keep it from stiffening up so badly. _Boys_ ," she added, with a deep disdain that should have bothered him but somehow didn't. "Sokka's just the same. 'Oh, it'll heal up fine, I'll just ignore it until it goes red and swells up and Katara has to drain _pus_ out of it."

Zuko found himself laughing. "Uncle did hold me down and change the bandages a few times. He sat on me once. After that I stopped putting up a fight." 

"I wish that worked for me." Katara giggled, hand still brushing gently back and forth over his face. "Once when we were little, I tied Sokka's feet to the tent-pole so he would stay in bed."

Zuko considered what he knew of Katara's brother, the idiot who'd attacked an entire Fire Nation ship all by himself, on foot. "He pulled the tent down, didn't he?"

"He nearly smothered before Gran Gran could pull him out." Katara made a 'pfff' noise. "And then he blamed _me_." 

"Of course." Zuko knew he sounded sleepy. He wasn't sleepy, exactly, just... very relaxed. Peaceful. The back and forth of the water on his face and the energy rippling through his flesh was like a slow heartbeat, the most soothing feeling he ever remembered having. 

He only slowly became aware that the water was gone, and her hand was resting on dry skin. "That's all I can do for now," she said, and when he opened his eyes she smiled down at him, upside down. "It's softer than it was - I think your eye opens a tiny bit wider, too." 

Zuko couldn't tell about the eye, but when he frowned he could feel the greater range of movement. The skin he could still feel had stopped itching, too. "It feels better." He realised his head was still in her lap and he sat up, stifling the fleeting regret. "Thank you." 

"You're welcome." Katara got up, straightening her skirts and smiled brightly at him. "All right. Let's discuss what else we can do to disguise ourselves." 

"I could wear an eyepatch," Uncle suggested, from where he was sipping a last cup of tea before they set out. "I would make a very handsome pirate, I think."

Katara looked him up and down. "What you need to do," she said firmly, "is shave off your beard."

Iroh actually dropped his cup, ignoring the spilled tea as his hands flew to his beard. "No!"

"All of it." Katara was implacable. 

"A man is not a man without his beard!"

Zuko, who couldn't grow more than the wispiest of goatees yet, rolled his eyes. "Uncle, has anyone ever seen you without your beard?"

"Not since I was twenty!"

"Then nobody will remember what you looked like without one. Katara's right, it should go."

"I could change the shape," Iroh said hopefully. "Cut it shorter, perhaps. Or braid it!"

Katara shook her head, her face serious but mischief dancing in her blue eyes. "I'm afraid that won't do. You can always grow it back afterwards."

"But..." Iroh looked from one to the other of them, then sighed, his shoulders slumping. "You are both cruel to an old man." 

"We all have to make changes," Katara said, patting his shoulder kindly.

"That is true." Iroh sighed. "Very well. We should be on our way. It is a long way to Yu Dao." Suddenly his face brightened. "And if we are to be disguised, we must find a place to shop! We will need new clothes and perhaps a pack-ostrich-horse and - "

"Uncle," Zuko said very firmly, "if you buy another tsungi horn I will jam it down on your head like a hat and let _that_ be your disguise!"

Katara looked bewildered. "What's a tsungi horn?"

"Something we _don't need_!" Zuko sighed, rubbing his temple. So much for that nice warm relaxation he'd been feeling. "I'll keep an eye on him, otherwise he'll spend half our money on souvenirs and fancy hats or something."

Iroh smiled sweetly. "But you cannot shop with us, nephew! Your face is still too distinctive and we are not far from Ba Sing Se. I will go and choose what we need."

Zuko must have looked as aghast as he felt, because Katara laughed and patted his arm. "Don't worry. I'll keep an eye on him. Sokka and Aang are almost as bad, really."

"No, they're not." Zuko shook his head. "Nobody could _possibly_ love shopping as much as Uncle does." 

"Really?" Katara's eyebrows went up. "Sokka once spent half an hour dithering over a new shoulder bag."

"Uncle never dithers over anything. He just buys all of it!" Zuko glared at his uncle, who was looking very amused. "And now he finally has money again!"

* * *

Katara sat still, while the comb passed through her hair, slow and soothing. "Are you sure you know how to do this?"

Iroh chuckled. "I do. I admit, I'm a little out of practice." He ran expert fingers through her hair, separating out a section on the top. "But I used to arrange my wife's hair, a very long time ago. She had maids to do it of course, but it became a little habit of ours, that I would put her hair up while we talked in the morning."

Zuko had been sitting off to one side, cleaning his swords and pretending he wasn't watching Iroh and Katara doing each other's hair. Now he looked up. "I didn't know that."

"Married people should always find a time to talk," Iroh said, twisting Katara's hair around itself. "Just the two of them. It promotes harmony and mutual understanding. You wouldn't remember her," he added sadly. "She died when you were a very little boy. It was an arranged marriage, of course, but Chuntao and I were very fond of each other." 

"I'm glad you were happy," Katara said softly. She lifted her hand to touch her necklace. "The Northern Water Tribe practices arranged marriage, but the Southern doesn't. My Gran Gran ran away from the North when she was about Zuko's age because of that."

"So you get to pick out whoever you want?" Zuko asked, resting his elbows on his knees.

Katara sighed, looking down at her hands - then back up, after an admonitory tug from Iroh. "That's the idea. Except there isn't really anyone to pick," she said sadly. "There are however many of the warriors who left with my father that are still alive, who are all much older than me. Master Pakku said he'd take some people to the Southern Water Tribe to help and there might be some unmarried men with them, but after seeing how they treat women in the North, I don't think I want any of them. And.... that's all." 

She'd thought about that a lot, in the last couple of years. She was fifteen now, her birthday having passed unremarked in the shock of losing Appa. Fifteen was old enough for betrothal, even if she couldn't get married until she was sixteen. Mother had been sixteen when she got married. Katara _wanted_ to be married, she wanted a home of her own, and babies... but she wanted them with someone she loved, the way Mom and Dad had loved each other. But there just wasn't anyone. The warriors were all so much older that she just couldn't think of them that way. And how could she love a boy from the Northern Water Tribe, who'd think women should just heal and stay at home where they belonged?

Zuko cleared his throat. "I... got the impression that you and the Avatar were, uh.... well, he's not your brother, or too old..."

Katara felt her face heat up. "Aang's only twelve!" All right, she'd almost kissed him in the secret tunnel, and he _was_ a powerful bender like Aunt Wu had predicted, but he was more than two years younger than she was. If they were involved, they couldn't even be betrothed until she was seventeen or eighteen, not formally, and he certainly wouldn't be ready to have children for even longer than that. He was nice, and she'd wondered a couple of times if he maybe liked her, but... 

"Oh." Zuko cleared his throat again, very intent on the sword. "Well, I just heard rumours, that's all." 

Iroh tucked a comb into Katara's hair. "Well, that is good. Since you will have to be married to Zuko - "

"WHAT?" Katara and Zuko shrieked as one.

"Our cover-story," Iroh explained patiently. "We must have one. Zuko and I should continue to be uncle and nephew, I think... the fewer lies we must remember to tell, the better. But you, Katara, cannot pass as our relative. You are too obviously Water Tribe."

It was a very small comfort to Katara that Zuko was blushing as hard as she was - and much more obviously, as pale as he was. "But _Uncle_ \- "

"Zuko, Katara cannot pass as a relative by blood, and you know as well as I do what assumptions would be made about a pretty girl travelling alone with two men not of her family," Iroh said sternly, his hands leaving Katara's hair for a moment. "Is that what you want?"

"No, of course not! But... " Zuko trailed off, still blushing.

Katara knew, too. There was a world of difference between a girl travelling with a clearly protective older brother and two children and one travelling with a grown man and a boy on the verge of _being_ a grown man who weren't related to her at all - and even with Sokka and Aang to protect her, there had been some comments and sly pinches that she'd rather not think about. 

"Since I doubt many people would believe that a girl young enough to be my granddaughter was in fact my wife - if I were passing for a very rich man, perhaps, but not as a poor refugee - it must be you, nephew." Iroh put a last comb into Katara's hair and gave it a pat. "There. Very pretty, and it makes you look older than the other style. Yes, I think it will do." He moved around to sit beside her, hands folded over her stomach. "We must have a story that is plausible. So. I owned a tea-shop in Ba Sing Se. Since I have no children, I sent for my nephew Li to act as my assistant and, in time, take over the business. When he met a young lady.... no, better." He grinned impishly. "When he arrived, why, it turned out that he had taken the opportunity to elope with a young lady whose family had not approved of his suit!"

Zuko's blush, which had showed signs of abating, flared again. "Eloped?!" 

"To explain why we're both so young," Katara said, her own cheeks warm. "I... suppose that makes sense."

"Yes, indeed. A poor but honest young man who fell in love with the daughter of a merchant - there are many merchants of Water Tribe stock in the southern Earth Kingdom, if I recall correctly - but was rejected because he had no trade that would allow him to provide suitably for her comfort." Iroh was clearly amused by his nephew's embarrassment. "Then, my offer comes! A new life in the city... suddenly young Li has prospects! But still the lady's parents do not relent. A tea-shop waiter? Even if he may own the business one day, for now he is not a good choice. They refuse - but the lady herself does not. So they marry secretly and flee to Ba Sing Se and Li's kindly old uncle. For a short time we are a happy family, and then... the city falls, and again we flee." Iroh nodded. "A very nice story! The kind that romantic songs are written about." 

"The kind that everyone will know you _took_ from one of those stupid songs!" Zuko muttered, then he gave Katara an apologetic, embarrassed look. "It's... I wouldn't take advantage of, of anything," he said hastily. "But he might be right about... I mean, not about the stupid romantic story, but..." 

"I know you wouldn't take advantage." Katara lifted her hands to feel her hair cautiously. It was all pinned up in rolls, and she wished she knew what it looked like. "But... even travelling with my brother, there have been one or two times... well, when I was glad Aang was the Avatar. I think he's right too." 

"Good. That is settled, then." Iroh beamed.

"Not the story! I just met her in Ba Sing Se, why does - "

"Because there are no Water Tribe merchants in Ba Sing Se, that's why. There was only one Water Tribe maiden in Ba Sing Se, and we do not want to bring her to mind, do we?"

"Well, no, but... it sounds stupid," Zuko mumbled. "Nobody would believe that."

"Why not?" Katara felt the pretty combs Iroh had insisted on buying her. They actually held her hair quite well. 

Zuko gave her a startled look. "What do you mean, why? Do you really think anyone would believe that you ran away from your family for _me_?" She didn't answer, honestly puzzled, and he waved an angry hand at his face. "Look at me!"

"Oh! Because of the scar, you mean?" Katara frowned. "But why would that... I mean, it's not that bad."

" _Not that bad_?" Zuko's voice was strangled, as close to a squeak as that husky voice could get. 

"I've seen worse." Zuko stared at her, and Katara spread her hands. "I have! Bato, my dad's best friend, has one now that covers his whole left arm right up to his shoulder. That's a burn scar, too. Well, it wasn't totally healed when I saw it, but it'd be a scar now." 

Zuko looked away from her. "A battle scar?"

"Yes." Katara shrugged. "Zuko, there's been a war for a long time. Lots of people have scars. Yours is more obvious than some, but I hope that whoever I'm pretending to be isn't shallow enough to care about _that_!" 

"Of course not," Iroh said, giving her a warm smile. "I am certain she is a young lady of character, who saw beyond the surface scar - if it is still there when we must tell this story, as it may not be - to the brave and good-hearted young man behind it."

"Of course she did," Katara said firmly. Zuko, who looked as stunned as if he'd been hit over the head, opened his mouth, and she waved a finger at him. "And stop being insulting! I'm not one of those - those stupid rich girls from Ba Sing Se who think nothing matters but how you look!" She scowled. "I finally convinced Toph that it was okay to do girly things, to wear makeup sometimes or at least _brush her hair,_ and some of those girls saw us in the street and they were so mean that it made her cry. Toph never cries!"

Zuko looked down at his sword for a minute, swallowing a couple of times. "What did you do?" he asked quietly. "When the girls were mean, I mean."

Katara made a little noise intended to convey vindictive satisfaction. "Toph opened up a hole in the bridge under them, and I waterbent them so far downstream it would have taken them an _hour_ to walk back. Teach them to compare a little blind girl to a poodle-monkey!" 

"Good." Zuko cleared his throat, then held out one of his broad-bladed swords to her. "Here."

Katara stared at it. "What?"

"We don't have a proper mirror," Zuko explained, still holding it out. "So, uh, if you want to see your hair, you can use this."

Katara took it and found that he was right - she could see a quite decent reflection in the broad part of the blade. She turned her head from side to side a little, startled. Iroh was right, she did look older. The style wasn't complicated - her hair had been twisted from behind her ears on each side to make a sort of roll, then coiled together into a large bun at the back, with the top section pulled back straight and wrapped around the knot to help the combs hold it in place. She thought she could learn to do it herself, which would be handy. 

But it was a matron's style, not an unmarried girl's, and without loops or loose hair hanging around her face, she really did look older. The demure green gown, with its embroidery and high collar, helped too. She certainly could pass for sixteen, she thought, and old enough to be married. 

Iroh certainly looked different with his beard gone and his hair tied back in a simple braid, the way a successful businessman might wear it. He had a little hat, too, which Katara had agreed to because it covered his bald spot. He had agreed to very sober brown robes with almost no decoration for himself, though he'd insisted on buying Katara a couple of very pretty dresses - which made her think that he'd been quietly working out their cover story while they were shopping, since Katara's clothes were clearly nicer than his or Zuko's.

Zuko, too, wore plain brown - a long split-skirted vest over trousers and a beige shirt, simple clothes that would stand up to the rigors of travel. And if it was a shame that he wasn't wearing the sleeveless shirt any more, well, Katara certainly wasn't going to mention it.

She handed the sword back, smiling at him. "Thank you. I like the new style, uh... should I start calling you Uncle too, if Zuko and I are supposed to be married?" 

Iroh beamed. "Yes, indeed! That is an excellent idea. We should all try to get into the habit of using appropriate names and titles. I will be Uncle, to both of you... Fang, I think, for a given name. That is almost as common as Li, at least in Ba Sing Se!" He rubbed his bare chin, frowning. "Zuko, of course, will be Li. And Katara... Would 'Kara' be acceptable?" 

"It sounds a little strange... 'Korra' or 'Kiara' are more how we would say it," Katara said a little doubtfully. "But I guess nobody here will know the difference." She'd noticed that Earth Kingdom names tended to be a little shorter than the ones she was used to - one or two syllables with short vowel sounds instead of two or three with long ones. 

"And it is close enough to your own name that if Li or I misspeak, it may not draw attention." Iroh nodded. "Very well. Tomorrow Kara, Li, and their Uncle Fang will set out for Yu Dao, where Uncle Fang knows a man who may be able to get us Fire Nation identification." 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Zuko couldn't remember the last time he'd even thought of the poem. But now, on the quiet road, with Katara's head on his shoulder, the words came easily.

 

 

"At last, he broke the silence, and upraised

His gentle eyes, and spoke with kindly voice : 

"As long as it is night, you must not think 

To trust yourself to these inclement hills ; 

Stay here, I pray, till then : it is not safe 

To wander now. Stay, till the wakeful cock 

Proclaims the dawn, and in the gathering light 

The eastward hills grow red : the rising sun 

Shall bring new joy and lighten all your path."

 

"Agni's beard," Iroh said weakly. "Nephew, you astound me."

Zuko stopped reciting, and wondered whether blushing so often would permanently alter the colour of his face. Maybe it would simply become permanent. "Uncle. I... I didn't notice you were listening."

Iroh had been napping the last time Zuko had checked, leaning back against the bags tied onto the back of his saddle with his hands folded peacefully over his belly, his reins safely looped through a ring on Zuko's saddle. Since he definitely wasn't listening, or so Zuko had thought, he'd given in to Katara's coaxing for a 'real Fire Nation story' and recited some of his mother's favourite epic poem. 

"Neither did I." Katara gave Zuko one of the companionable little squeezes around the waist that were playing increasing havoc with his ability to think coherently. "It's such a sad story, Uncle, White Aster's father is missing in the mountains and she goes looking for him and finds a sage - "

"Yes, I am familiar with the poem." Iroh gave Zuko an uncomfortably thoughtful look. "But I did not know that my nephew was."

Zuko cleared his throat, feeling ridiculously sheepish. "It was Mother's favourite," he muttered. "She must have read it to me a hundred times at least."

"I see. And what brought it to mind at this precise time?" Iroh asked, still with that unsettling expression.

"I did." Katara, not knowing Iroh quite as well as Zuko did, didn't seem to notice the look on his face. "Riding all day with nothing to do gets boring, so we were talking and I sang him a story-song my Gran Gran taught me about why the Southern Water Tribe lives on the water instead of the land. Then he said he didn't know any songs but he would tell me a poem instead." She sounded happier than she had since they left Chameleon Bay and despite his embarrassment, Zuko couldn't help feeling a little proud of himself. _He_ had been the one to cheer her up, not Uncle, despite not really knowing what he was doing. 

"I see." Iroh nodded. Then he smiled a genial smile that filled Zuko with dread. "But my nephew has misled you! He knows a great many songs! But he does not think his singing voice is good enough and so refuses to perform for others."

A small finger prodded his back. "Liar! I sang for you, didn't I?"

"That's different! You can hold a tune!" Not that traditional Water Tribe story songs had much in the way of a melody, being more of a chant than a song as such, but he'd enjoyed listening to Katara's singing anyway. She had a very pretty voice, actually. 

"So can you, nephew." Iroh grinned, clearly pleased by his latest attempt at embarrassing Zuko in a musical fashion, something he'd been doing since his exile began. "True, your range is not large, but you can carry a tune. And if you do not care to sing, I can get a liquin or a tsungi horn and - "

"No!"

"Can he play the liquin _and_ the tsungi horn?" Katara asked, and he could hear that she was grinning. "I _would_ like to hear that."

"No, he can't!" Zuko snapped, blushing. "Uncle does, but I don't, and I don't sing, either!" 

"Very well, then. Since my nephew refuses to uphold the family's musical honour, I shall do so!" Iroh cleared his throat. "Are you familiar with 'Four Seasons, Four Loves'?"

"No," Katara said, sadly unaware of the trap she was falling into. "Is it a song?"

By the time Iroh had sung the entire song, then gone back to the beginning to start teaching Katara the words - insisting that if she would sing for Zuko she should sing for him as well, Zuko was seriously considering throwing himself off the ostrich-horse in an attempt to create a diversion. Fortunately, he didn't need to. They rounded a corner to see a cluster of people trudging along the road on foot, every line of their bodies, even from behind, speaking of hopelessness and despair. 

"Oh, no," Katara said softly. "Those poor people." They'd seen other refugees, labouring under their possessions. - but these were clearly people from the Lower Ring, ragged and thin already, carrying almost nothing. 

"Recent refugees, with nowhere left to go." Zuko's hands tightened on the reins. "I was one of them, when Ba Sing Se was still a refuge. Now..." 

The group seemed to be a family one, with three children and a baby being carried, two younger women, one older one, and two men - one stooped and grey, the other missing an arm. Easy prey; not for Fire Nation soldiers, most likely, since those were mostly busy securing the ports and Ba Sing Se itself, but if they ran into bandits, or Earth Kingdom bullies like the ones he'd fought as Li...

They passed the small group, who had hurried off the road when they heard the ostrich-horses and who stood watching numbly as the more fortunate passed them. 

"Stop," Katara said, tugging on Zuko's sleeve. "Li, stop." The name still sounded strange, in her soft voice, but... not in a bad way.

He did, a little puzzled. "What do you - "

She slithered down from the saddle behind him, opening one of the packs and rummaging inside it. "We can't just go past! Look at them - they have almost nothing!"

Iroh stopped too, looking down at them - and Zuko realised that he'd dismounted without thinking about it, standing almost protectively behind Katara. "You cannot help everyone on the road, Kara," he said gently. 

"I can help _them_. Look at them. They already look hungry. And they have children, and a baby!" Katara's voice caught, as if she was about to cry, but her hands were steady as she opened their half-finished bundle of dry rice and dropped several silver and copper coins into it, then wrapped it again. She took the rice, a handful of carrots and some dried meat, making a larger bundle out of it. "We can buy more," she added defensively. 

"Of course." Zuko thrust his reins into his uncle's hands. "Let's go." 

They approached the small group, huddled together now, the one-armed man standing in front of the others and looking nervous. A child started to question and was hushed by an anxious mother. But Katara smiled at him, kneeling in the loose dirt by the side of the road. "Hello," she said gently. "I'm Kara. What's your name?"

"Li," the boy said shyly, ducking out from his mother's restraining arm and moving closer. 

"Really? That's my husband's name, too!" Katara smiled up at Zuko. 

She'd never called him that before. Pretense or not, it did something strange to Zuko's stomach to hear the word and to see her smile at him that way. He cleared his throat, looking up to meet the one-armed man's eyes. "You're refugees from Ba Sing Se," he said quietly. "So are we. My... my wife wanted to give you that." The word felt odd in his mouth, and he found himself wanting to say it again.

"What is it?" the one-armed man asked, relaxing a little. "We don't - "

"It's not much. Just some rice and dried meat." Katara rose gracefully to her feet, turning her sweet smile on the man. "But we know it's hard to get food, now, and you have children and a baby. Please." She held out the bundle to him. "For them." 

The man swallowed hard and then nodded, accepting the bundle. "Thank you," he said softly. 

"Thank you," one of the younger women said, the one carrying a baby. Her eyes were full of tears.

"I wish I could do more." Katara sniffed, her blue eyes very wet too. "But... the Avatar got away. He's still out there. So there's still hope."

The one-armed man nodded. "Maybe," he said, not looking convinced. 

Zuko nodded, taking Katara's arm. "Good luck," he said quietly. 

"And you."

Katara let him take her back to the ostrich-horse, wiping her eyes quickly while he mounted again, then taking his hand and swinging up behind him. But she didn't speak, not until they were out of sight of the refugees. Then she laid her cheek against his back, arms tightening around his waist. "Things like that shouldn't happen," she said fiercely, her voice choked.

"No. They shouldn't." He wished he could hug her, comfort her somehow. "We'll try to stop them from happening, when we find the Avatar."

"Aang," she said, still holding onto him tightly. "His name is Aang."

"Aang." He laid his hand over hers, resting against his chest. "I never learned about things like this when I learned military history," he said quietly. "A lot about the glorious victories of the Fire Nation. Not so much about refugees and hungry children. There are a lot of people who actually believe that the Earth Kingdom would be better off under Fire Nation rule." He sighed. "I was one of them." It was true. He'd believed what he was told, always, instead of thinking for himself. If she despised him for it, he deserved it.

She sniffled, her cheek brushing against his shoulder blade. "And I used to think everyone from the Fire Nation was bad," she said quietly. "Aang kept telling me it wasn't true, but I couldn't believe him. Not after losing my mother and so many other people. So we were both wrong."

That strange, unsettled feeling coiled inside Zuko again. He wasn't sure he liked it. Wasn't sure he liked Katara being _nice_ to him, holding onto him for comfort, saying she'd been wrong about him.

Telling him his scar wasn't that bad as if she really meant it. Looking at him as if he were a man instead of a repulsive monster, telling him he was _insulting_ her by thinking it would disgust her. He'd never been able to imagine a woman not being repelled by his face, not since he was thirteen, and now she not only existed, she was right here, holding onto him for comfort, running gentle fingers over his face when she tried to heal what couldn't be healed, smiling at him and calling him 'my husband'... 

He knew that thinking anything of that was beyond foolish. It was just a stupid ruse. They might have a tentative truce, but that was all, and imagining anything else wasn't just stupid, it was actively insane.

That didn't stop him.

* * * 

Katara missed riding Appa less than she'd thought she would.

She missed Appa, of course. And Momo, and Aang, and Sokka, and Toph. She didn't care for how slow ground travel was, compared to sailing or flying. The ostrich-horses were stupid beasts that smelled funny and needed far more attention than Appa. 

But...

She'd been travelling for days without hearing a single fart joke or burping contest. Nobody had demanded that she wash their dirty socks or complained about her cooking. When she _did_ wash clothes, or cook, or offer to mend a torn sleeve, Zuko and Iroh said 'thank you'!. And Iroh made tea for them all, and cooked sometimes, and Zuko gathered wood and put up their one small tent for her so she could have privacy and insisted on lifting anything heavy for her - even on lifting her, that one time. 

And she spent her days settled against a pleasantly muscular back, with broad shoulders to rest her head on and a soft husky voice that talked about poetry and Earth Kingdom food and travel and the sea. She'd never been this close to a boy, not like this, and it had been embarrassing at first - but now the memory of Appa's roomy saddle seemed sort of cold and lonely. 

She shivered, then realised it wasn't because of the thought of being away from Zuko (which was ridiculous, of course). "There's rain coming," she said, turning her face into the cool breeze that tasted of water. 

"Are you sure? It's grey, but - "

"Waterbender, remember?" She sniffed the air. "The weather here's nothing like at home, but I know how water smells. There's rain coming."

"Then we should make camp now," Iroh said, since he was currently both awake and riding close enough to hear them talking. "If there is enough rain for you to smell before it can be seen, it follows that there is probably a lot of it, don't you think?"

"I don't know," Katara admitted. "This is the first time I've done it. Usually we travel above the clouds, so it doesn't really matter. I just felt all the water in the breeze, that's all." 

"Then better safe than sorry," Iroh said firmly. "Let us find a good place to camp and secure our possessions against the rain." 

"I wish we had Toph with us," Katara said, a little surprised to find that she didn't mean it as wholeheartedly as she would have expected. "Her earth-tents - well, rock-tents, really - are waterproof, and she can drain the ground, too."

Zuko stiffened. "We only have one tent," he said with the stiffness of embarrassment. "We'll.... uh..."

"Have to share." Katara shrugged, trying to pretend she wasn't blushing a little bit. "There's plenty of room."

"Plenty of - " Zuko swallowed the rest of the squawk, and continued more calmly. "It's barely big enough for one person."

Katara snorted. "It's bigger than the tent Sokka and Aang and I shared all the way from the South Pole. We can even get the packs in there, too." 

The back of Zuko's neck had gone brilliant pink. Katara was starting to think that it was really cute how it did that. "But..."

"You get used to it," Katara said, and knowing he was embarrassed made it easier and... somehow more unsettling. "Really. Everyone huddles up for warmth in winter in the South Pole. And I couldn't tell you how many times I've woken up with Sokka's feet in my face or Toph head-butting my ribs." 

It was different and they both knew it. Sharing body-heat with family, or piling up with kids like Toph was something entirely different to sleeping right next to someone who was... well... old enough and young enough and unrelated-to-you enough for it to be... different. But it was the nature of travelling together, so they'd just have to cope. 

The rain came about an hour before sunset, almost as soon as they'd set up camp. They'd found a spot by a looming cliff that should offer some shelter, on a slope that would guide water away from the tent, and Zuko had gone at once to find wood for cooking. They carried some with them, of course, but while there were trees around it was always a good idea to look for more.

The rain came with a roar and a flood of energy flowing into Katara. Usually they flew above the clouds, when the weather was bad. She hadn't been in a real rain-storm since the big storm in winter, and then she'd been focused on Aang and his need for comfort. She'd forgotten how it felt to be surrounded by water, to have it filling earth and sky all around her. She hadn't realised how much she missed it, how much of what she missed about home was _this_ feeling. 

"Katara!" Iroh grabbed her arm, pulling her into the shelter of the tent. "You will get soaked!" 

Katara laughed, shaking her head. "I'm a waterbender, remember? I like being soaked!" On impulse, she kissed his round cheek and slid out of the tent. "I'll go find Zuko before the rain puts him out." 

"I think he went west," Iroh called after her, and even a few feet away his voice was half drowned by the thunder of the rain. 

Katara didn't have any trouble finding Zuko. There was only one place in the great downpour where the cool flow of rain became hot, pushing steam. When she found him the steam was rising off his head and shoulders, and he looked as furious and miserable as she'd ever seen him. Which made sense - Aang had talked about opposing elements more than once. Water and chill must be as unnatural for him as they were natural for her. "Zuko!" 

He looked up, blinking. "Katara, what are you doing out here? You're soaking wet!"

Katara smiled up at him, taking some of the wood he had balanced awkwardly in his arms. "Yes, but I like it. Come on, let's get back. The tent is up, and I'm sure Uncle is making tea."

"When _isn't_ Uncle making tea?" he muttered crossly. 

Katara raised her hand, fanning her fingers over her head, and the rain obediently formed a shield over their heads instead of half-drowning them. "You hate the rain, don't you?"

"Of course I do! It's cold and wet, it makes everything else wet, it makes rust and mold and gets into _everything_ , it ruins your food and makes your blankets smell funny..." He scowled, trudging uphill towards the tent. "Tonight is going to be _miserable_ , you'll see."

Iroh had made a tiny fire in the doorway of the tent, the teapot in its little stand sitting over it. "Oh, good, you are back!" he called cheerfully. "I do not think we can cook tonight, but some hot tea will warm us all up." 

"I don't want tea! I want to be _dry_ and - " Zuko stopped, mouth open, as Katara rolled her eyes and tweaked very nearly all the water out of his hair and clothes with one smooth pass, then nudged him in under the shelter of the tarp. "Warm," he said belatedly. "Oh. Waterbender. Uh... thank you."

Katara snorted. "How do you think I dry things when I do laundry? Just stay in there. I'll deal with the ostrich-horses tonight." 

"But - " Zuko looked guilty.

"Really. My element, not yours," she added, wanting him to know she understood. "It's as nice for me as it is uncomfortable for you, I promise."

"Well... okay." Zuko gave her his small, tentative smile. "Thank you." 

When the time came to sleep, Iroh piled the packs on one side and spread out the three bed-rolls, with Zuko's in the middle. "There. With any luck, the way it is pouring, it will have rained itself out by tomorrow morning. For tonight, we are dry and warm, and for that we must be thankful."

Zuko was staring at Katara's blankets, laid out barely an inch from his. "But... Uncle, I..."

"Li," Iroh said, amused but stern. "You are Kara's husband, remember? You will not be able to maintain this pretence on a boat travelling all the way to the Fire Nation if you cannot even sleep beside her without showing that you are embarrassed." 

The usual bright pink blush crept up Zuko's cheeks. The blush was even more appealing from the front than from the back, Katara thought. She'd miss it if he stopped doing it. "Oh. I... suppose you're right. Yes." He glanced at Katara. "I'm sorry if it's... uncomfortable, but..."

"It's fine." Katara knew she was blushing too. The thought of lying beside Zuko, close enough to touch, was... unsettling, in an uncomfortably pleasant way. She knew too well how his arms felt holding her, how it felt to nestle against his warm back, and certain adolescent impulses would have liked to learn _more_ about how he felt. She tried to stifle those. 

But when she woke up in the night, she was curled against Zuko's side, her head against his shoulder and her arm looped across his chest and stomach. And as embarrassed as she was, she didn't move away before going back to sleep.

* * *

Zuko woke up to find Katara snuggled up to him. Her soft cheek was pressed against his shoulder, her arm draped over him, and the end of her braid was tickling his palm.

For some moments, he was so totally paralyzed by embarrassment that he couldn't even look around to where Uncle was quite certainly smirking at the sight. Only when he woke up enough to realise that if he could hear Uncle snoring loudly, he couldn't simultaneously be awake and smirking, was he able to move.

He didn't, though. It was... nice. He shouldn't think about Katara this way, of course he shouldn't, but she'd cuddled up to _him_ , not the other way around, and of course Uncle was right and they should get better at pretending to be married anyway.

For the first time in his life, Zuko seriously considered marriage. He had always known that when he was older, a suitable match would be arranged for him. He had simply taken that for granted - until he was burned and exiled. Then marriage had seemed a distant, unimportant thing, just one of the trappings of royalty that he would regain with his honour. (Of course, after his face had been scarred, the idea of any bride but one arranged for him was simply ridiculous. No sane woman would want to look at a face like his every day, let alone share her bed with the man wearing it.)

His parents had had separate bedrooms for as long as he could remember. He remembered being taken into Ursa's bed a few times, when he was very small and sick or frightened, where she would hold him and sing to him until he fell asleep. He'd never seen his father's room. But Uncle had spoken of his wife fondly, and Zuko had seen enough married people on his travels to know that the cold distance between his parents wasn't all there was to it. He'd never considered that knowledge as it applied to himself, though.

Now he had a soft, warm weight pressed against his arm and shoulder, and he imagined waking up to _this_ every day. To soft arms and a sweet smile, just for him. Imagined going to sleep cradling someone else, someone he loved, who loved him... children, little ones, creeping into their mother's _and_ father's arms for comfort, sleeping between... 

He closed his eyes, forcing his mind to blankness. No. No, he could not imagine that. It was never going to happen - and if it did, it wouldn't be with her. The little one snuggling up to him wouldn't have blue eyes and tiny loops in her hair, not ever. He had to focus on the mission.

But his chest had a stupid ache in it while he squirmed carefully out from under her arm and crept out of the tent. 

The rain had stopped in the night. He saw to the ostrich-horses, damp despite the bit of tarp stretched over them between two trees. He forced fire into a few chunks of wet wood, and by the time they were dry enough to burn properly, there was a cloud of steam rising above him and the dirt in his makeshift fireplace was no longer soggy mud. 

"Oh, a fire!" Katara had slipped out of the tent and was stretching her arms above her head. She was adorable, with her hair mussed and her blue eyes a little sleepy, and Zuko looked away quickly. "Thank you! That's going to make breakfast a lot easier. I think we should eat something solid this morning since we couldn't cook last night. Rice and dried fish?" 

"That sounds fine," Zuko muttered, not looking at her. Looking at her made the stupid ache come back. Agni, he was a fool. 

"Are you okay?" When he glanced at her, she was looking sympathetic. "Is the water still bugging you?"

"The mud." Grateful for the excuse, he let some of his frustration show. "I hate travelling in mud. And it'll slow us down." 

Katara sighed. "I don't like mud, either," she admitted. "But don't worry. Once it's dry, I'll do some laundry for all of us and get rid of it all." 

"Thank you," he forced out. It would really help if she would stop acting as if the stupid cover story was real - and if she hadn't been doing it before Uncle invented the wretched thing! She kept cooking for them, washing out clothes, working her healing on Zuko's face and Iroh's aching back... and he knew it didn't mean anything to her. She was just doing what she was used to, taking care of them the way she had her brother and the wretched Avatar. She didn't know how long it had been since anyone but Uncle had done anything for him if they didn't have to.

He growled at Iroh when his uncle got up, and in desperation retreated into what he knew would seem like sulky silence. Better to seem sulky than accidentally betray his sudden, painful _awareness_. He'd desired her before this - he'd never touched a woman so much in his life, how could he not? - but that was a simple thing he could tell himself meant nothing. Wanting to be married to her, even for a moment, thinking of children - that was something else entirely. 

He maintained his silence even when they were travelling, keeping any necessary responses monosyllabic. Well, he tried. That resolution crumbled when Katara leaned her cheek against his back. "Are you nervous about the healing?" she asked quietly. "When the moon is full?"

"No!" It came out too fast, too defensive and he tensed, then let out a sigh. Well, that was sort of a distraction. And a good excuse for the way he'd been behaving. "Maybe."

"Anyone would be." She gave him a little squeeze around the waist. "I'm nervous. I've never tried anything like that before. What if I can't do it? What if I let you down?" 

She sounded upset, and without thinking he covered her hand with his where it rested on his stomach. "I know you can't guarantee anything," he said softly. "But I'm grateful that you're willing to try. That you'd use up your spirit water for me, even though I've been your enemy."

"It feels like the right thing to do," she said quietly. "It's too complicated to explain, but... the moon spirit knows a lot about duty and honour. I think she'd want me to use it for you." 

He wondered what stories the Water Tribe had about the moon, and almost asked. She sounded sad, though, so he pushed the thought away for another time. "Then I'm grateful to her as well as to you. Katara, I know it might not work. But I won't blame you if it doesn't. I know you'll do your best."

"I will. I just don't want to... to have gotten your hopes up for nothing." She straightened up and made a little huffing noise, her breath brushing his neck. "We shouldn't worry about it. Gran Gran says that worrying over something that you can't hurry just makes the time seem longer. Can I ask you about something else?"

"Sure." What else could he say?

"Those scrolls you gave me... how long are they likely to be useful? I mean, did she know you took them right away, or...?" 

"I don't know how long it would take her to find out they were gone." Zuko grinned at _that_ delightful thought. "I raided the secret drawer in her desk, stole all her ready money and the scrolls she thought were worth hiding, and left a note thanking her for her contribution. I don't know how often she looks in there, but when she did, her head must have almost exploded."

Katara giggled quietly. "I wish I could have seen that."

"Me too." Zuko shrugged. "As for how long the dispatches will be useful... I don't know. If she found the empty drawer right away and reported the loss immediately, they'll be out of date in another week at most. But she might not have. Our father won't exactly react well to Azula having me in her sticky little clutches and letting me get away so I could sneak onto her ship and steal her hostage, her gold, and details of the next three planned offensives."

"They are sticky, aren't they? I think she over-moisturizes."

Zuko blinked. "Is that why her hands feel weird? I always thought it was just... Azula making my skin crawl."

"No, it's residue from whatever lotion she's using. If you use too much, it leaves this tacky feeling on the skin." Katara shrugged. He couldn't see it, but he could feel it. Quite distinctly. "So she might not have reported it right away?"

"Not until she finds a good scapegoat. Azula never admits to failure - I don't think she'd report any of this until she found someone to blame for it." Zuko frowned. "You want to hand them over to Earth Kingdom troops or something, don't you?"

"Yes. They're no good to me now and they'll be long out of date before we find Sokka and the others."

Zuko hunched his shoulders, all thoughts of romance driven from his mind. This felt... wrong. There was a difference, damn it. There was a difference between using the things himself, knowing that he only wanted what was best for his nation, and handing over classified military information to the enemy. 

"There are two major attacks on the Earth Kingdom planned for the next two months," Katara said quietly. "If they're prepared, they can defend themselves."

"I know. I know that, I just..." Song and her mother, he reminded himself. Jin. The boy Lee, in his little village, hating all the Fire Nation. The friendly customers in Pao's shop, former refugees with kind, encouraging words for a boy they thought one of their own.

Katara's mother, murdered in her own home, her body left for her children to find.

He sighed. She'd said he'd have to prove himself, hadn't she? "All right. How do you want to do it?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem Zuko recites is a piece of a probably poorly-translated Japanese poem 'White Aster' that I found on the internet. The 'sage' or monk White Aster meets turns out to be her disgraced brother returned from exile, so I thought it fit.


	7. Chapter 7

They reached a town with a substantial population of both soldiers and refugees a few days later. Food was scarce and expensive, and within an hour Zuko had to take what was left of Katara's money away from her to keep her from giving it all away. "Kara, you still can't help everyone," he said gently, when her eyes filled with tears. "The only way to help these people, really help them, is to get where we're going. You know that."

"I know." She sniffled a little but let him take the purse from her hand. She wanted to argue with him, but he was right and she knew it. Even if she gave away every copper they had, it wouldn't be enough - the way to help was to end the war, to let the people of the Earth Kingdom rebuild. "I just... there are so many."

"I know. Let's go find Uncle." He put a protective arm around her as they wove down the crowded street, and if he noticed when she gave a small, thin child one of the apples they'd paid so much for, he pretended not to. After all, Katara thought, glancing up at him a little defensively, she could do what she liked with her own apple. 

Uncle was standing guard over their ostrich-horses - this was no place to leave possessions unattended, even for a moment - and drinking bad wine with several other men doing the same thing. When they came into earshot, he was just waving his cup. "Oh, it is such a romantic story! Indeed, I will tell you, for it should be shared!"

Zuko froze in mid-step. "Oh, no."

"Young Li is my sister's youngest. His father, I fear, is not a provident man." Iroh shook his head and waved his wine cup meaningfully. "He managed a decent apprenticeship for his oldest, but the others, well... anyway, Li was working as a waiter in a teashop. A humble profession, but respectable!" 

"Ack." Katara said, and she and Zuko scrambled to hide behind a pile of crates, Katara peeking through and Zuko turning his back and scowling. Listening to the story was embarrassing enough. If they walked up in the middle of it, he'd probably make them kiss at the end or something by way of illustration!

"Why not join the army?" one of the men asked, an Earth Kingdom soldier in a worn but clean uniform.

"They would not have him," Iroh said smoothly. "You have not seen my nephew?"

"No, why - "

"Got a big burn on his face," another, gravellier voice said. Katara couldn't see who it belonged to. "Over one eye. Got to have two good eyes to join up, right?" 

"Exactly." Iroh nodded. "Anyway, he was a poor but honest teashop waiter. Then, one afternoon, he happened to fall into conversation with a young lady waiting for her friends." He sighed, smiling beatifically. "Kara was the daughter of a merchant, but she did not scorn to talk to a respectable young man making his own living. She came to the shop more and more often, but Li never dared to show his heart. How could so beautiful a girl, from a respectable merchant family, ever care for a poor waiter with a scarred face?" 

"Oh, Agni," Zuko muttered, covering his eyes with one hand. Below the hand, his cheeks were growing pinker and pinker. 

"But Kara is a young woman of character! When she looked at Li, she saw a young man who was brave and kind, hard-working and honourable, not only a scar. She learned to love that young man, and when at last he could no longer conceal his love, he found it returned." 

Zuko flinched, and Katara patted his shoulder gently. "At least it's a _nice_ story," she whispered. "It could be worse, he could be going around saying you got me pregnant or something." Zuko jerked his hand away from his eyes to stare at her. He was already blushing, and Katara joined him as the words that had seemed so innocent in her head turned into mental images that were anything but. 

"Of course they could not marry," Iroh continued, unaware of the intense embarrassment going on a short distance away. "He had no prospects, no money... how could he go to her parents and ask for her hand? Ah, but then his uncle Fang wrote to him! I had no children of my own and a thriving business in Ba Sing Se. I invited him to come to me, to be my heir." Iroh took another gulp of wine. "This changed matters, as you can imagine. He had prospects, a future, a home in Ba Sing Se..." 

"Back when we thought that meant safety," the soldier said bitterly. 

"Yes." Iroh's voice was sad. "So he went to her father to ask for her hand. But he was refused. Kara's father did not approve of his family, or of him, and thought his daughter could do better." He smiled slightly. "But he forgot that although the family lives in the Earth Kingdom, Kara's mother was from the Southern Water Tribe, where women choose their own husbands. So Kara left her father's house with money given to her by her mother, and the two married in secret and travelled to Ba Sing Se as husband and wife."

"Shouldn' have run off," said an old man in a disapproving slur, clearly tipsy on the wine. "Wouldn' let one of my dau... daw... wouldn' let one of my girls run off with some waiter."

Zuko's head was in his hands. "He makes me sound like such an idiot!" 

"Hush," said a big, burly man with a beard Toph could get lost in and more scars than Zuko and Iroh put together. "It's romantic."

"He makes you sound sweet," Katara said softly. It... sounded nice, actually. She could imagine it, or something like it... going into the teashop and not running away like an idiot, but waiting to see what they were doing and finding out that it was nothing but trying to start over. Maybe talking to Zuko (and teasing him a little by making him fetch things for her, just to see him scowl), and finding out that he wasn't the scary paper cutout of a Fire Nation Soldier that she'd been so afraid of.

"It is so romantic! And, like all great romances, beset with tragedy," Iroh said with a deep sigh. "No sooner were they settled in Ba Sing Se, beginning to make plans for improvements to the shop and starting their own family, than the Fire Nation attacked. Once again they flee with only what they can carry - and an old man to take care of, besides!" He emptied his cup and smiled. "But we have not given up hope! I have an old business partner I mean to look up and our prospects will soon be secure again. And until then, my niece and nephew are happy simply to be together. Indeed, it comforts my old heart every day to see them together and know that someday, though I have no true child of my own, I will not be deprived of the joys of grandchildren." 

"That's a beautiful story," the soldier said, clearly moved. "I hope things work out for you and your family, Fang, I really do." 

"Thank you, my friend." Iroh beamed. "I am hoping for a girl... oh, I am sure they will want a boy - every man wants a son - but I wish for a grand-niece, perhaps with her mother's pretty blue eyes - " 

That seemed to be the last straw for Zuko. He launched himself to his feet, stomping around the crates and bearing down on his uncle as Katara hurried to catch up with him. 

"Ah, Li!" Iroh said expansively. "The gentlemen and I were just having a cup of wine and a pleasant chat!"

"Oh, I know what you were chatting about!" Zuko snapped, his cheeks still slashed with red. "Damn it, Uncle, you don't have to tell every single person we meet that... that stupid story." 

Several of Iroh's listeners chuckled at Zuko's obvious embarrassment, which only made him blush harder. "Oh, don't be embarrassed," said the big man with the beard, clapping Zuko on the shoulder. "You got the girl, didn't you? That makes you the hero!"

Zuko glanced back at Katara, blushing harder than ever, and she found that she was blushing too. What had seemed like an only mildly embarrassing cover-story when they were alone was a lot more unsettling when a whole group of strangers were smiling at her and congratulating Zuko for... for _getting_ her. And Uncle talking about babies! Of course she wanted babies, had longed for years to be old enough, but it was mortifying to have complete strangers looking at her stomach and wondering if she and _Zuko_ had... had already...

"I should not tease them," Iroh said fondly. "Gentlemen, I must take my leave. I wish you all good fortune, and an end to the war at last." 

"And to you," the soldier said gravely. "Good luck, Fang."

They rode out of town in silence. Katara was trying very hard not to think about what Iroh had said, about a little girl with blue eyes. It was a ridiculous thought. Ludicrous. But... Katara _had_ thought, just for a second, that golden eyes might be very pretty too. Hypothetically.

Zuko was rigid with embarrassment - or outrage, or something else, she couldn't really tell. And Iroh had that strange, measuring look in his eyes again, the way he had when Zuko had been reciting poetry to her. He might pretend to be a silly, tea-obsessed old man a lot of the time, he might even _be_ a silly, tea-obsessed old man a lot of the time - but he was still the Dragon of the West. She wondered what he was planning.

They made camp well outside town - and once it was dark, the Blue Spirit slipped away. Both Zuko and Iroh told Katara to sleep, but she didn't even pretend to try. Instead she sat up, as the fire died down to coals and Iroh dozed (or pretended to). 

It had to be the middle of the night when he came back, slipping through moonlight and shadow so cleverly that he was almost on top of the camp before Katara saw him, despite the bright moon and the fact that she'd been looking for him for hours. "You were supposed to sleep," he said quietly, pulling off his mask and looking down at her. 

Pulling off the Blue Spirit's mask, rather. Zuko's was still there - the heavy scar on one side freezing his face in a permanent scowl, the other side cold and impassive. She'd seen that mask lift more and more often when they travelled together, but it always came back. Maybe if she could restore the mobility to one side of his face, the other would relax too...

"I couldn't sleep," she said, realizing she'd been staring and looking away hastily. "I was worried." 

"About what?" She could almost see his hackles raising - he'd been touchy all afternoon and apparently that hadn't worn off yet. "Whether or not I'd actually go through with it?"

Katara blinked, then stood up to glare at him indignantly. "No, of course not! I was worried about _you_ , idiot! You just sauntered into an encampment of Earth Kingdom soldiers wearing a _mask_ and carrying _Fire Nation military documents_ and if they'd caught you they'd probably _torture_ you or something!" 

"Oh." The impassive mask dissolved into the adorable dorky face he made when he realised he'd made a stupid mistake. "I thought..." He cleared his throat, fiddling awkwardly with his mask. "You said I'd have to prove myself. Before you trusted me. So I thought this was a test or, or something."

"I trust you." The words came quickly and easily, no thought required at all. Sokka would tell her she was being stupid, she knew that. Too trusting. But if Sokka could rely on his instincts, so could she. Zuko wasn't Jet. He wouldn't try to trick her or lie to her, she believed that. That just wasn't how he was. He'd go toe to toe with her in a bending battle to get his way, but he wouldn't lie. "I just... I was afraid you'd get hurt, or caught." 

"Oh." The way he said it the second time made a tingle go down her spine, for some reason. "I was fine, Katara. I've broken into better-secured places, believe me. This was easy." 

"Oh. Good." It came out a tiny bit breathless. "I'm glad you're okay." 

"Nephew, you are back!" Iroh had woken up, and was smiling up at them. Katara could happily have frozen him solid. They'd been... talking, and having a sort of maybe kind of a moment, and he'd interrupted just when Zuko was looking at her in a way that made her heart pound a little faster. "Well, that is a weight off all of our minds, I am sure. And it is time we veered back towards the coast, I think, don't you?"

Zuko frowned. "Why?"

Iroh silently indicated the moon, its silver disk only a little misshapen. "To reach the sea, nephew. Remember?"

Two days later, it was full moon at last.

* * *

Zuko couldn't calm down. He'd been jittery all day. Tonight was the _night_. The night he found out if Katara really could restore his face. The night when the mark of the dishonoured prince, of his father's rejection, might finally be lifted.

"Zuko, at least try to eat something," Iroh said gently. "Strengthen your body, to give Katara all the assistance you can." 

Zuko forced down two bites of something he couldn't have identified a minute later, then pushed the bowl away. "I can't. I think I'll be sick." 

"Very well." Iroh put a teacup into his hand. "Then drink this and meditate on the flame. Katara will call you when it is time." 

Zuko drank his tea, staring into the fire, but he didn't meditate. Instead, his mind wandered. He remembered the pain of the burn at first, the way his father had sneered when Zuko screamed. He remembered Uncle forcing him to let the burn be tended, nursing him through the fever that had gripped him in the first days of his exile. He remembered the anger rising and rising inside him until he wanted to scream, to burn everything around him.

He thought of Azula, of her sneering smile and the contempt in her eyes as she offered him a return home, knowing he was desperate enough to believe her. He thought of Uncle again, choosing him over and over, following him into exile and disgrace with a love and patience that Zuko had been too selfish to understand, and he realised that the last weeks, with Katara and with Uncle, had been among the happiest he'd ever known. 

Katara... That thought led him down a foolishly well-worn path. Looking into the fire, he remembered his first kiss. His thirteenth birthday had been ruined by Azula, as usual - she'd teased him unmercifully all morning, then at the state dinner that served as a 'celebration' she'd contrived to make him spill some of his very first glass of wine all over himself. But almost all the sting had gone out of that humiliation when Azula's friend Mai had crept out to join him on the balcony afterwards and given him the only real gift he'd had besides Uncle's beautiful antique Dao swords. It had been an old hero-tale from before the war that she handed him, but the real gift had been the quick, shy kiss that had left him stunned and her running away blushing furiously. He'd been sure he was in love with her after that, friend of Azula's or not, but less than two months later he'd been an exile. 

Jin had been different. He hadn't even known her, had no chance to find out if he liked her or not, but she'd been nice. She hadn't laughed at him when he made a fool of himself or said the wrong thing. If she'd known that he was a firebender, after he stupidly showed off for her, then she'd never told anyone. And she'd kissed him and just for one second he'd been happy. 

And then Katara... she'd never kissed him, and probably never would. But he wanted to kiss her so badly that he ached with it. It wasn't just physical desire - though that was constant and often painfully intense - it was just... her. He'd never been able to talk like that to anyone, ever... she didn't laugh at him or despise him, no matter what he told her. He'd told her he liked poetry, told her he'd believed in the war, told her about his mother's turtle-ducks and his mother and somehow she still didn't sneer or make fun at all. She'd talked about her mother, about trying to take care of her father and brother when she was still little, feeling she should take her mother's place. She'd told him about penguin-sledding, and that she loved embroidery but was bored by constant mending, and that she liked music. She'd slept beside him, and when he'd woken in the morning she'd been snuggled against his side in an unconscious embrace. He remembered what he'd pictured then, the tiny girl with blue eyes and little loops in her hair, and his chest ached again. 

He'd thought he was in love with Mai when he was thirteen. Now he wondered if he could ever love anyone but Katara.

"Zuko. It's time." Uncle's hand on his shoulder came as a surprise. When he looked away from the fire, he saw that the moon had risen while he thought.

He got up, feeling simultaneously terrified and oddly calm. "All right." 

Uncle had guided them to the coast for the full moon. Now he walked down to the small inlet where Katara waited, communing with the spirits of the moon and the sea. 

He'd subconsciously expected her to be beside the water, not in it, which he realised was foolish as soon as he saw her. She was beautiful - not that she wasn't always, but this was different. Now she stood in water up to her knees, her wet hair streaming unbound down her back, wearing only loincloth and sarashi. She'd been looking up at the moon, but when his feet crunched on gravel and sand she turned to look at him and smiled, holding out her hand to him. She was a goddess then, but still herself, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen or ever would... 

The false calm of fear and the increasing sense of ritual that was all that kept him from embarrassing himself, either by snatching her up in his arms or at least giving her an undisguisable physical reaction. As it was, he bent to remove his shoes, then stripped down to his loose trousers. Then he waded out into the water to join her. 

They stood facing each other for a silent moment, then Katara's lips curved in a sweet smile and she lifted one hand in a graceful gesture that brought water circling around him, streams curling around his body and his limbs like vines around a tree. He gasped once, at the shock of cool water on bare skin, and then he stood silent, waiting. The soft surge of energy that he associated with her healing brushed through him, but faint and insubstantial. Preparation, he realised. 

She had positioned him so that the moon was shining on his face, and she touched his scar with cool fingers and then looked over her shoulder, up at the moon. "Please, Yue," she said softly. "For his uncle, and for him." 

Then she opened the vial, drawing forth a small globule of water that seemed to draw radiance from the moon itself, glowing with just the same pale glow as it lifted towards his face. Usually when Katara's healing water touched his skin, he felt a faint thrill of flowing energy, cool and soothing. What he felt now was to that thrill as an inferno to a candle-flame. He couldn't even feel physical sensation, only _shock_ , and his eyes went wide. For a moment, Katara's face was overlaid with another, a girl with elaborately looped white hair and a look of heartbreaking sadness on her face. He wanted to ask her why she looked so sad, but he couldn't speak, couldn't move... 

Something cold and hard as ice closed around his ankles, and the water wrapped around him seemed to constrict. _No_.

The pale girl, with eyes the same delicate blue as Katara's, gazed up at Zuko's face. _Please._

_No!_

_For me._

Zuko could feel rage and frustration that weren't his own suddenly boiling in his veins. That which held him wanted vengeance, it wanted to hurt and rend and tear, it wanted pain equalling its own - 

_Me_ , Zuko tried to tell it. _Not her. Not Katara. If you want to punish someone, punish me._ If trying to heal him hurt her, cost her so much as a scratch...

The anger surged and then rolled over on itself like a wave and vanished. Zuko realised that his eyes were closed, and opened them, looking up into Katara's face. He was lying in the water, his head on her shoulder and her anxious face inches from his. "What did he mean, 'half and choke on it'?"

Katara blinked. "Who?"

"The sea doesn't like me. I was in the North Pole..." But it was all fading and he shook his head. "Did it work?"

Katara shook her head, and he had time to feel every hope shatter like shards of glass in his chest while her lips parted to answer the question. "Not completely," she said sadly. "I just didn't have enough water. It's about half gone."

Zuko stared at her. "It's about... what?" He'd hoped for the scar to be erased and dreaded the loss of hope if it wasn't. Somehow it had never occurred to him that there might be a _partial_ restoration.

"Come on. We should go get warm." She helped him up, putting her arm around him to guide him to the shore, and he was devoutly grateful that he'd been immersed in chilly water long enough to prevent his appreciation of having her half-naked body pressed against his from being extremely apparent.

He didn't touch his face. He couldn't bear to. He would know all at once, not fumble around trying to guess. 

Only when they were back at the camp, sitting by the fire, did he accept a freshly polished sword from his uncle and turn it to look at his slightly blurred reflection in the wide blade. Now he understood what Katara had meant by 'half'. A large pink scar still spread out from the middle of his cheek over cheekbone and ear, but he had two eyebrows again and his eyes matched. It was as if the scar had been split diagonally, and the upper, inner part wiped away.

"I'm sorry I couldn't do more," Katara said unhappily. She was dressed again, and her now-dry hair spread around her shoulders in a dark cloud. "I tried, I really did - "

"It's all right." Zuko lifted a hand to touch his face carefully. "Half, and choke on it," he said quietly.

"You said that before." She frowned, sipping the tea Iroh had pressed on both of them. "What do you mean?"

"I saw something while you were healing me. It's... fuzzy, now. But there was a girl, with eyes like yours and white hair, and the water was fighting her, trying not to heal me, and in the end he said 'half, and choke on it'. That's all I really remember."

Katara nodded slowly. "That sounds like Yue. I asked her to help me." She smiled sadly. "I liked her."

She told the story, then, while they sat around the fire. About a gentle princess who had fallen in love with brave, kind-hearted Sokka even though her betrothal had been arranged with someone else. About Zuko stealing Aang, and then the far worse thing that Zhao had done, and Yue's sacrifice for duty. Iroh had known some of the story, and Zuko a little, but this was the first time they'd heard it all. 

"But you did help us, whatever your reason," Katara said to Iroh, wiping away tears. "So I thought... maybe if I asked for you, as well as for him, Yue would return the favour."

"I asked, too," Iroh said softly. "I knew her for only a few minutes, but she was a gentle and honourable lady. I thought, perhaps..."

"I guess the sea-spirit was still angry... and he must have known you were there that night," Katara said quietly, glancing at Zuko. "So he wouldn't let me heal the scar completely, even though Yue wanted to."

"I don't blame him." Zuko touched his scarred ear thoughtfully. He'd wanted to look like himself again, of course he had, but... he didn't resent the sea-spirit's choice. If someone murdered Katara, replaced her with some other girl, then came to him and asked for a favour... leaving him a reminder wasn't unfair. "But we got what we needed, didn't we? I don't look like the posters anymore." 

"Yes," Katara said doubtfully. "But I wanted to fix it for you, to - "

"You did." Zuko reached out to clasp her shoulder gently, and found himself smiling. "Katara, you did. You gave me back my eye. I don't look like a glaring gargoyle any more. There's still a scar there, but... you changed the mark my father left on me. That's enough." It was. It really was. The thick plate of scar-tissue over his eye that had frozen half his face was gone, and with it much of the burden of the scarred, disgraced prince. His face moved on both sides again, the slashing scar that remained only pulling a little. As Katara had said herself, the war had been going on for a long time. Lots of people had scars. And even when his was at its worst, it hadn't mattered to her, not the way he'd thought it would... 

Katara still looked unhappy. "I wanted to do more." 

"I know. But you and Princess Yue gave me what I needed." He couldn't bear the disappointed look on her face when it felt like a terrible weight had been lifted off his shoulders. "And you said that Kara wouldn't mind the scar, didn't you?"

"Of course she wouldn't." Her soft hand came up to cover his and she smiled at him. "You don't love someone because their face is symmetrical. You love them because they're... them."

If Uncle hadn't been there, Zuko would have kissed her then and there. As it was, he withdrew his hand reluctantly. "I needed to know that more than I needed the scar healed," he said softly. "Thank you, Katara." 

* * *

Iroh was concerned. 

He had made mistakes, many of them, he knew that. He had tried to do what was best for Zuko, but he was but a fallible mortal and errors had been made on both sides. And now... 

Now he was quite sure he had made another. 

He had expected a certain amount of physical attraction between the two teenagers, simply because they were teenagers and in proximity to each other. He had also expected that, after a little while, shock and gratitude would wear off and they would return to bickering - as children were wont to do - and that he would have to play peacemaker between them for a while until they learned to get along. 

But the bickering had not come, because they were _not children_. 

Katara had been acting as a mother to a brother a year older than herself since she was eight years old, she had said it herself. She worried still about who would feed her companions, remind them to wash their clothes and their bodies, comfort Aang when he was unhappy and make sure Sokka ate something besides meat. Young her body might be, but years of responsibility and months of hardship had left her a young woman, not a child. 

If only she would mother Zuko! That might avert the yearning Iroh saw more and more often in his nephew's eyes. But she never did. She was as drawn to Zuko as he was to her, curse it. And it wasn't the innocent flirtation more natural to their age, but something deeper, tempered by the terrible grief and suffering they had both endured, the longing both had for a partner to love and support them in their struggle, for the peace and stability of a loving family. And he had put the idea into their heads himself, fool that he was. He still couldn't think of another story that would have sufficed, but every mention of marriage and children only made it more apparent that they both wished it was no lie. 

It would not do. Zuko must be Fire Lord some day - he had set his feet on that path the moment he rescued Katara and chose to seek out the Avatar, refusing to run away from his responsibilities. The Fire Lord could not marry a peasant girl from the Southern Water Tribe, however talented a bender she was, however sweet and beautiful and wise. And Iroh knew his nephew too well to think that he would make any less honourable offer to a woman he loved. Nor, in fairness, did he think Katara would _accept_ any less honourable offer! Iroh knew her well enough already to be sure that she was as honourable and principled as she was kind-hearted. 

They were perfectly suited to each other, which made it even worse. Katara had enough of a temper not to be frightened of Zuko or allow him to bully her, but she was gentle and reasonable enough to balance Zuko's impatience and swift rages. She had the skill at handling people that Zuko lacked, but not the personal ambition that would make a treacherous schemer out of a wise counsellor. She could bring the ease to Zuko's heart that Iroh had longed for years to achieve... but she couldn't. It was not possible.

So on the morning after Zuko's partial healing, Iroh rose early to prepare breakfast. "Since we need no longer need to hide your face, nephew, I think it will be possible to travel more quickly," he said cheerfully, when they were all eating. "In as little as a month, we may be in the Fire Nation! So I think it is time to discuss what we will do when we get there. Katara, if you still have any doubts - " 

"Oh, no, of course not!" She smiled sunnily at him. "Sokka and the others won't believe it at first, of course, but I'll explain."

"Good." Iroh nodded. "So. I have certain contacts within the Fire Nation who I believe I can still trust. I can get us there, and even into the capital. But then what?"

Katara blinked. "Uh... Aang fights the Fire Lord?" 

"Indeed. And then?"

Zuko lowered his spoon, frowning. "You become Fire Lord?"

Iroh shook his head. "I cannot," he said firmly. "Zuko, your father spent many years undermining me in the court... and besides, I am an old man with no heir, whose claim to the throne was dismissed by the last Fire Lord. I could not hold the throne, and I do not wish to." 

"But..." Zuko frowned, then his eyes went very wide - both of them, and Iroh's heart ached happily to see his nephew's handsome face restored to something like itself again. " _Me_?"

"Would you suggest Azula?"

"No, of course not, but... I'm sure Father's named her his heir by now, and - "

"But she would be a very bad Fire Lord, Zuko," Iroh said gently. "And you know it." 

"Of course she would! She doesn't give a damn about her own friends and family, let alone the ordinary people! But... but I was _banished_ , I was removed from the succession, I must have been - "

"You were banished, but under certain conditions. Your return with the Avatar, even if you are fighting beside him instead of delivering him in chains, will add a certain legitimacy to your claims - and you know there are those who will support you purely because you are male and Azula is not." Zuko looked inclined to protest again and Iroh let his voice sharpen. "Zuko, without a Fire Lord, the Fire Nation will collapse and no doubt be destroyed by the vengeful soldiers of the Earth Kingdom and the Water Tribe. You, with the Avatar's support, are the only hope of averting that destruction when Ozai is removed. The Avatar has made overtures to you before and he desires peace. So if you love your people, Zuko, you will become Fire Lord and make peace at last. Then you will begin rebuilding our Nation and our family. That is your duty, as hard as it will be." 

He knew he had made his point, as first Zuko and then Katara turned suddenly stricken eyes to him, then looked down at their bowls, careful not to even glance at each other. He had done what he must, he knew. But when he saw the stifled pain in both young faces, he felt like a monster.

"Yes, Uncle," Zuko said very quietly. "I guess we won't be opening that new teashop after all."

"No," Iroh said, and hoped the sadness in his voice would be attributed to the loss of his teashop, not his nephew's happiness. "And I had thought of such a nice name for it."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am doing my best to keep travel times realistic and geography consistent, but the lack of detailed maps of the Avatar World makes this extremely difficult. Having no idea of the average speed of a moderately laden ostrich-horse doesn't help either. If I make any egregious errors, please forgive me and blame the excessively stylized maps!
> 
> As always, thanks to my lovely beta Bea.

 

Katara had never felt so stupid in her whole life. 

She had let herself develop... feelings... for Zuko. Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation! She'd always known. It wasn't as if he hadn't called her 'peasant' for months. She'd just been foolish enough to forget, while they travelled together and talked, about stories and poetry, about travelling and music and even politics.

When he'd come to her for healing, that night, she'd poured her heart and soul into it, begging Yue and all the spirits for their help. It hadn't been to disguise him. It hadn't been so she could find Aang and Sokka and Toph again. It had been for him, because she knew now how much he hated the scar, because she wanted to take that burden from him. 

It wasn't until Iroh had gently pointed out what the Avatar's success would mean for Zuko that she realised just how stupid she'd been. Worse than with Jet. Jet had actually been _trying_ to fool her - and if he'd been what he seemed at first to be, a young man fighting for a 'family' of children under his protection, a rebel against the Fire Nation just like they were... If that had been real, if he'd really cared for her, she would have been happy enough with him.

But Zuko was a Prince of the Fire Nation. He couldn't get involved, however innocently, with a scruffy little peasant girl from the South Pole, not if he had to be Fire Lord. She knew that as well as he did. Even as the Avatar's waterbending teacher and daughter of a chief, not to mention rescuer of the Earth King, she'd barely warranted basic courtesy from the elite generals of the Earth Kingdom. Aang might just want everyone to be friends, but Katara and Sokka had had quite the crash course in political reality since they started travelling with him.

And it hurt. Oh, it hurt so much. Every time Zuko smiled at her, her heart ached. When she rode behind him, arms around him, feeling his shoulder under her cheek, it was all she could do to keep her sobs silent and hope that the tears didn't soak through to his skin. 

They didn't talk much for that first day. On the second, knowing he was at least a little unhappy and utterly miserable herself, Katara made a desperate attempt at conversation. "We're heading for one of the colonies, right?" 

Zuko nodded. "Taishan, in the Hu Xin provinces. I've never been there, but Uncle has. He says we can get a boat from there to Yu Dao. It's quicker than riding all the way."

Katara nodded. "So," she said quietly, turning her head to look out at the dry land they were riding through now. "What are you going to do about the colonies? When we win, I mean, and you're Fire Lord."

"I don't know. I suppose I'll have to... un-colonise them," Zuko said, lifting a hand to rake through his messy hair. "However you do that. Bring people back to the Fire Nation. I can't just abandon them."

"No, of course not." Katara tried to remember everything the generals had told her about traffic between the Earth Kingdom colonies and the Fire Nation. "But what if they don't want to go? And don't they grow a lot of the Fire Nation's food now? A lot of the original invasion plan involved cutting off supply lines."

"Huh." Zuko chuckled wryly. "There was an actual invasion plan? Really?"

"We were going to strike to the very heart of the Fire Nation, depose the Fire Lord and bring down his reign of terror while keeping civilian casualties to a minimum," Katara said, smiling ruefully. "That's why I was in Ba Sing Se. I was helping to coordinate the plans while Aang went to the Eastern Air Temple and Sokka met up with our dad at Chameleon Bay." 

Zuko glanced back over his shoulder at her, smiling crookedly. "Civilian casualties at a minimum?"

"Sokka and I have kind of strong feelings about that. And Aang gets _really_ upset about it." Katara shrugged, returning his smile. "The Earth King's generals weren't all thrilled about that, which is one of the reasons I was keeping an eye on them. We wanted to _end_ the war, not make things even worse with revenge attacks."

"Very... civilised," Zuko said softly, shaking his head. "What were you planning to do about the gates of Azulon?" 

"Ooh, that was going to be good. They're chains, right?" 

"Chains that get set on fire. There are conduits for oil - "

"Do you know what happens to chains when they go from heated to frozen and then get hit really hard with a big rock?"

Zuko blinked. "Yes, actually. There was one time in the polar waters... anyway. Uh. Yeah. That would probably have worked." The Great Gates of Azulon were supposed to be impregnable. No Fire Nation ship was strong enough to go through them, and of course no-one could bend metal. But apparently Grandfather had never considered what might happen if waterbenders and earthbenders worked _together_... 

"Very ingenious." Iroh guided his ostrich-horse a little closer. "And you raise an excellent point. What _should_ be done about the Fire Nation colonies? A swift withdrawal would lead to food shortages within the Fire Nation, I am quite certain, with the influx of citizens and reduction of food imports..." 

"But we can't just leave them there, Uncle. The Earth King would demand their removal as conditional to peace negotiations, I'm sure he would."

"Oh, yes, certainly, but I am sure he will understand that it is not a process that can be completed overnight."

Katara let them talk about logistics for a minute, waiting for the obvious point to arise. When it didn't, she brought it up again herself. "What if the colonists don't want to go?"

They both blinked at her. "That is... a not unreasonable point," Iroh said thoughtfully. "Some of the colonies have been established for more than a hundred years. Generations of families have never even seen the Fire Nation archipelago."

"Do you think the Earth King would let them stay? They'd have to swear fealty to..." Zuko trailed off. "No. No, they wouldn't do that, would they? No citizen of the Fire Nation would just... just change sides, not after the war and everything." 

"And if they did, it probably wouldn't end well for them," Katara pointed out. "There's a lot of hatred of the Fire Nation here. Once..." She sighed, remembering. "There was this village that was occupied by the Fire Nation. There were resistance fighters in the forest who tricked Aang and me into helping fill a reservoir by saying they were afraid the Fire Nation soldiers would start a forest fire. Except that wasn't what they wanted it for - they blew up the dam, planning to destroy the village. Not just the soldiers, but the people whose village was being occupied. Jet said it was a necessary sacrifice."

Zuko stiffened. "Jet?"

"Yeah, he was the leader of the resistance fighters. He was a jerk, then. I met him later in Ba Sing Se, and he wasn't... he'd changed."

"I met him too," Zuko said quietly. "It was... it's complicated." 

Katara wondered what Jet had said to him. How they'd met. But 'it's complicated' was what Zuko said when he didn't want to talk about something. "He died fighting the Dai Li," she said sadly. "I found out a couple of days ago."

Zuko nodded. "I'm sorry to hear it. He was... brave. Misguided, but brave." 

"Yeah." Katara felt guilty for feeling relieved, that bringing up Jet and his death meant she could lean on Zuko and stop stifling how miserable she felt, just for a little while. A few of the tears she wiped away were for Jet, but not all. Not even most. 

* * *

A little to his own surprise, Zuko found that he was enjoying talking about politics. If he had to be Fire Lord - and his uncle had made it clear that it was his duty to save his people, whether they wanted him to or not - he really should make some kind of plan. And after pursuing the Avatar, and matters as they stood with Katara, it was an odd relief to find something in his life that he _could_ plan for and actually had a chance at fixing.

"You keep talking about paying reparations," he said when Katara handed him his dinner one night. "But how? I have no idea what state the Fire Nation's treasury is in - and we'll have rebuilding to do too. What if I can't _afford_ to buy the Earth Kingdom's love?"

Katara giggled, covering her mouth with one hand, and Iroh snickered. "Did you mean that the way it sounded, nephew?"

"You're the one who sang 'The Girls Of Ba Sing Se' halfway across the continent. You tell me." Zuko took a bite of meat and chewed thoughtfully. "And then there's the Water Tribes. Katara, what would appropriate reparations even be, for your people? I can't imagine you have much use for gold out there on the ice."

"Hey, we trade!" Katara grinned. "But honestly, no, not much use for it. Some gold would be nice... but we need food, too. Skins and furs, of course. But what we really need is something the Fire Nation has tons and tons of, literally." Zuko raised his eyebrows at her, enjoying feeling both sides of his face moving, and Katara waved her chopsticks. "Metal! Forged metal! We spend almost all of the year out on the ice itself, and the little land there is stays frozen solid nearly all year. We can't mine. But the Fire Nation has ships and ships, and all those weapons and the equipment... that much forged metal is worth a lot to anyone."

Iroh nodded. "That is true. And that, too, would go some way to disarming suspicion, I think. If you make a point of dismantling the greater part of the navy and using the metal to help to pay compensation - while, naturally, keeping enough of your fleet to protect the Fire Nation itself - that would add much weight to your assertions that you desire peace." 

"I think so," Katara said seriously. "I know it would mean something to my dad and our people, to know that the ships were being broken down."

Zuko nodded thoughtfully, ignoring his uncle's muttering about 'weight' and 'no sense of humour'. "All right, that does make sense. Gold is valuable, but steel and copper and so on are _useful_. And we have plenty of those, for now." 

Katara tapped her chopsticks on the rim of her bowl. "I'm not as sure about the Earth Kingdom. This is where a lot of the metal you have came from, isn't it? Returning some of it would be a nice gesture of goodwill, but I think they might resent compensation that originally belonged to them."

"Right. Gold for the Earth Kingdom, more practical things for the Water Tribes - what about Aang?" Zuko ventured. "The Air Nomads suffered more than anyone. What could I possibly do to start making that up to him?"

Katara sighed. "I don't know. I think... ending the war is what he wants most. But he'll need to rebuild, too." She paused. "I guess help rebuilding? You were saying yesterday you didn't know what to do with all the soldiers who will be out of work. Maybe some of them could start repairing and restoring the Air Temples. And if you have any books or scrolls about the Air Nomads, that would help him with the things he doesn't know, or artifacts of his people..."

"The Fire Sages will have those, if they still exist," Iroh said, rubbing his bare chin. "That is a good idea, Katara. Very symbolic. The other nations will like it."

"So will Aang," Katara said softly. 

"Okay." Zuko shook his head. "It's funny how things work out."

"What do you mean?"

"All of this started because when I was thirteen, I convinced Uncle to take me into a war-council so I could start learning how to be a leader." Zuko glanced at Iroh and smiled ruefully. "Now I'm sitting by a road in the Earth Kingdom, planning to help the Avatar depose my father and end the war... and I'm better prepared to be a ruler now than I ever could have been if I hadn't made my father angry." 

Katara smiled at him, but her eyes were sad and Zuko's throat ached. "You'll be a good Fire Lord, Zuko," she said quietly. "It won't be easy... but you care about your people. You're doing this for them. My dad always says that's what matters for a chief - doing what's right for his people. That goes for Fire Lords too, I guess."

"Yeah." Zuko started eating more seriously, hoping that it covered his sudden lack of desire to talk. A few feet away and as remote as the moon, Katara did the same.

After they'd eaten, Katara slipped away. Zuko knew he shouldn't follow, but he did.

She was sitting on a rock, looking up at the moon. She looked sad, and he was reminded of that other face he'd seen, the Princess Yue. She'd seemed so sad too... which he could understand, after hearing her story. 

"You must miss them," he said quietly, aching to reach out to her. "Aang and the others. Your family."

"I do," she said softly. "I wish I knew they were okay. Aang is... he's kind of fragile, sometimes. He's lost so much... and Sokka and Toph aren't much good at talking about feelings. That's always been kind of my thing." 

"You're good at it." He stood beside her, clasping his hands behind his back. Sitting on the tall rock, her head was almost level with his, much closer than it would be if they were both standing. "I know you're worried about them - and I'm sure they're worried about you. But we'll get you back to them, I promise." 

Katara nodded. "Zuko?" she said quietly. "If... if the spirits came to you and offered you anything you wanted, right now... if the war could be over and you could do anything at all... what would you do?"

Zuko looked up at the moon too. "I'd wish my cousin Lu Ten was still alive," he said softly. "He was my uncle's heir. He was the one who was supposed to be Fire Lord. If he was alive and my uncle had a strong heir, he could take his rightful place again."

"And what would you do?" Her voice wavered just a little. 

"I don't know. Probably Lu Ten would make me a governor or something. I'd like that. I could focus on just rebuilding one province. Making things better there. Some of the things we've been talking about... and I think some of the industries we've built for war could make peacetime better too."

"That sounds nice." She drew her knees up, wrapping her arms around them.

"What about you? What would you wish for?" 

"For the war to be over, of course. Besides that... I'd like my mom back. I miss her, and... and there's a lot I'd like to be able to talk to her about." Katara's voice wobbled again. "After that, I... I don't know what I want. I would have said that I want to go home, but... I don't know any more. I'm not sure I could go back to emptying fish-traps and washing Sokka's socks after all of this."

"You'd make a good diplomat." Just for a minute. Just for a minute, let him pretend, imagine that there was hope. "I think re-establishing diplomatic ties between the countries would be really important." He glanced sideways at her. "You could be an envoy... say, to the Fire Nation," he said very quietly. "You're good at handling people. And you have a lot of good ideas about rebuilding."

"That sounds nice." She looked up at him, her face wistful. "Would I like it, in the Fire Nation?"

"I don't know. I hope you would." Zuko's chest felt tight. "It's not as dry as the Earth Kingdom. We're an archipelago... lots of islands. You'd never have to be far from water if you didn't want to be. And the gardens... you'd like those. I know you like flowers."

"I do like flowers." She looked up at the moon again, and he could see the shimmer of tears in her eyes. "And... and we'd get to see each other sometimes, right?"

"Of course." Almost of its own volition, his hand covered hers, where it rested on her knee. "I'd take you to Ember Island. The beaches there are some of the most beautiful in the world. It's always warm, but if you get too hot, you can't walk for twenty minutes without finding somewhere to swim." 

"I'd like that." Katara wiped her eyes with the back of her free hand, the other turning to curl around his. "I'd... I wish..." Her voice cracked. 

"I know. I know, I want..." Zuko's eyes burned. "Katara, I..." She looked up at him, eyes brimming with fresh tears, and his self-control shattered utterly. With a mumbled curse he snatched her into his arms, holding her tightly against him, and kissed her. 

It was clumsy at first - inexperience on both sides made that inevitable - but her lips were soft and warm and her arms went around his neck, holding him tightly, and Zuko hadn't known it was possible to be this happy while it felt as if your heart was being torn out of your body. She cared. They couldn't be together, not ever, but she _did_ care! 

They kissed until they were breathless, and then she pulled away with a little sob. "We can't. You know we can't."

"I know that." Slowly, reluctantly, he set her back down on her rock, forcing himself to step back. "I'll do my duty, Katara. My people need me, and I can't let them down. I just... wanted you to know. That I wish things were different." 

She lifted her fingers to brush his cheek, as tear-wet as her own. "Me too," she whispered. "It hurts. It hurts so much. But you have your duty, and so do I. And we'll do it, and we'll... try to be friends, at least. I don't want to lose that."

"Neither do I." He leaned into her touch, his throat so tight he could hardly talk. "I just... I'm sorry that you're hurt. But I'm glad that you... I know it's selfish, but..." 

"I know." She sniffled, but smiled shakily at him. "I'm glad that you, too. If... if you don't mind, I'd like some time alone. I was... maybe it's silly, but I wanted to talk to Yue for a while. She... she kind of understands about having to do your duty."

"She would." Zuko looked up at the moon, then turned to face it and bowed deeply. "I'm sorry I couldn't stop Zhao," he said quietly. "And... thank you." 

He left, and heard a very quiet sob behind him. He had to pause for a few minutes before going back to the fire himself.

* * *

For the next few days, Katara rode with Iroh. He hadn't commented on their red eyes or the way they were avoiding each other, and when Zuko piled all the packs onto his ostrich-horse and lifted Katara up behind Iroh, he had chattered to them both about inconsequential things - and tea. Lots of tea.

Katara had appreciated that. She was actually starting to really like tea - Iroh made it so delicious, and interesting too. And she couldn't blame him for pointing out what she and Zuko should have known all along. It wasn't his fault things were how they were.

After the first awful day, she found that she and Zuko could still talk. She started telling him about travelling with Aang - just little things. The story about crossing the Great Divide. Sokka saving the occupied village from Jet. Sokka wearing a dress to fight with the Kyoshi Warriors. The festival in the Fire Nation colony that they'd gone to.

After two days, she actually made Zuko laugh. And not just laugh, but nearly fall out of his saddle. "You were _lost_?"

"We were _so_ lost." Katara rolled her eyes, remembering. "Aang wouldn't go on until he'd ridden an elephant koi, and he couldn't remember where they were, so we were jumping around those islands for over a week." 

Zuko shook his head, still laughing. "I was tearing my hair out thinking he was some kind of genius at evasive manoeuvres - and he was _lost_?" 

"Oh, we've been lost a few times. Do you have any idea how hard it is to follow a map when you're above cloud level?" Katara found herself giggling. "And Aang's so easily distracted... he's just a kid, Avatar or not." 

Zuko smiled at her, and if his eyes were still a little sad, the smile seemed real. "Do you really think he'll be willing to work with me? After I chased you all over the world?"

"He will. Aang believes in second chances." Katara wrinkled her nose. "Sokka, now... Sokka's going to beat you up at least a little."

Zuko snorted. "He can _try_." 

"You should let him. At least a hit or two," Iroh said seriously. "It will demonstrate your penitence."

After two days, Katara went back to riding behind Zuko. Their cover story sort of required it, and there were more people around to notice, and Iroh's ostrich-horse was definitely starting to seem tired. None of which mattered compared to how much she'd missed how it felt to lean against Zuko's back, to lay her head on his shoulder and pretend... 

Then they reached Taishan.

There were two warships in the port, and they hadn't been in town twenty minutes before Zuko put a possessive arm around Katara, keeping her between himself and the ostrich-horse and glaring at any soldier - or marine, or whatever they were called - who looked at her too hard. Iroh went straight to a small building that turned out to be a messenger-hawk station, scribbling a short message and handing over a silver coin. "To the tea merchant Goro in Yu Dao," he said, beaming at the young man taking the money. "To let him know that I am bringing guests this time." 

"Yes, sir. You're going to Yu Dao now?" When Iroh nodded, the young man smiled. "If you're looking to take passage on one of the ore-ships, you're in luck. There's one leaving this afternoon. There's a big push on, so there are extras running right now."

"Excellent news! Tell me, young man, do you know where we might dispose of our mounts? We will have no further need of them." 

The young man nodded. "Go down to the end of this street," he said, pointing, "and then turn left. The big yellow and green sign that says 'stable', that's my uncle's place. He'll give you a good price for healthy birds."

"Thank you. You are very kind." Iroh slid another silver piece across the counter, winking. "I'll give your uncle your regards."

"That was... convenient," Katara said once they were outside, frowning a little. "That he has an uncle who - "

"Oh, it's common enough. A messenger-hawk station is the first place anyone goes for information. A clever operator will take advantage of that." Iroh shrugged, leading the way. "And as long as his relatives are relatively honest, nobody will bother to chastise him. 

They got what Iroh seemed to think was a decent price for the ostrich-horses and camping equipment. He made a point of handing a few coins to Zuko, pinching Katara's cheek gently and telling 'Li' to get something pretty for his bride. Katara was sort of impressed by how thorough he was about the cover story, never letting a hint slip that they were something other than what they appeared to be.

So she worked at it, too, tucking her hand into Zuko's and smiling up at him often, letting herself cling to him nervously whenever soldiers came near them, and calling Iroh 'Uncle' as respectfully as a niece-in-law should. It was bittersweet, to be able to show she cared for him and have to pretend that she was only pretending, but she didn't care. If all she could have with him was a fleeting pretence, she'd savour every moment.

After they'd paid for their passage, Iroh suggested lunch. He pointed out a noodle shop, told Zuko to order for him, and trotted off towards the marketplace. "He's gone to do some shopping without us watching him, hasn't he?" Katara murmured, when Zuko frowned after his Uncle.

"Doesn't he always?" Zuko sighed. "Never mind. This is the only hot meal we'll get for the next two days, so we should make the most of it. What do you want?"

Katara frowned at the board, her hand slipping into his again. "I don't know. I don't know all of the names... what do you think I'd like?" 

Zuko looked at the board, too. "Uh... smoking unagi? That's smoked eel."

"Oh, that sounds good!" And not too spicy - so many Fire Nation foods were tongue-searingly spicy. "There's a table over there. I'll go get it, and you order, okay?" Mindful of their audience, she leaned up to kiss his cheek, the brief caress making her lips tingle. "Don't take too long." 

"I won't." He smiled down at her, brushing a finger over her cheek and sending a shiver down her spine. 

Katara sat down at the table, putting her pack on another chair to show that she was waiting for someone. She hadn't been sitting for more than five minutes when a hand came down on her shoulder. "Hey, sweetheart. Waiting for some company?"

She could smell the reek of Earth Kingdom beer even before she turned around... but what she saw was a Fire Nation uniform, a soldier with his helmet under his arm, grinning at her drunkenly. "Get off!" She smacked his hand away, getting to her feet. "I _am_ waiting for someone, and - "

"And someone is here!" He leaned forward, grinning again. "Come on, sweetheart, don't be unfriendly. You're new around here, right? I'da remembered seeing you." He looked her up and down pointedly, and Katara's skin crawled. "You're wearing green. 's Earth Kingdom colours. You'd look better in red. You want to be friendly to us Fire Nation boys, maybe earn yourself enough for a nice red dress, huh?" 

Katara glared at him. " _Earn_ myself - "

"Oh, it's okay! Nothin' to be ashamed of! Patriotic duty, y'know?" He put his arm around her shoulders, leering. "We been at sea a long time - " 

" _Get off_." Katara had almost forgotten how scary Zuko's voice could be when he was angry. He came over the next table in a fluid rush, grabbing the arm around Katara's shoulders and twisting it until the man howled. Then he shoved him away and kicked him in the sternum, sending him crashing to the ground among the wreckage of two more tables and several meals whose owners had only just ducked away in time. 

"What's going on?" More soldiers had come in, and Katara saw the colonists whose meals had been destroyed scuttling out of the way, heads down. "You! Boy! Do you know what the penalty is for assaulting a soldier of the Fire Nation in time of war?"

"He kicked me!" the drunk howled. "I got broken ribs! Get him, boys!"

Zuko glared at them, gathering Katara against him. A meaningful squeeze reminded her of who she was supposed to be, and she laid her head on his chest, sniffing and doing her best to quiver. "That _oaf_ was molesting my wife!" 

"He... he thought I was a prostitute," Katara faltered, raising her best innocent-polar-puppy eyes to the man talking for the soldiers. "I told him to leave me alone, but he wouldn't, and he... he grabbed me..." 

"My wife is a respectable woman!" Zuko was actually snarling, and his arms had tightened around her when she mentioned being grabbed. "Do _you_ know what the penalties are for a soldier who molests an unwilling woman, time of war or not?"

"Oh, for..." The soldier pulled off his helmet to pinch the bridge of his nose, and Katara was a little surprised to see that he actually had a quite friendly face - round and snub-nosed, with light brown eyes. He prodded the groaning, broth-soaked soldier with a pointed boot. "Drunk again, Nao? I'm sorry, I didn't realise," he added, nodding to Zuko with a rueful expression. "A man must protect his wife, of course. That was pretty impressive, too," he added, expression turning thoughtful. "Ever think about joining up?"

Katara's blood ran cold. What if they press-ganged Zuko? What would they do?

But Zuko just sighed. "I'm not old enough yet," he said, managing to sound sincerely regretful. "But as soon as I'm eighteen, sir..." 

"Married before you're old enough to enlist?" The man chuckled, a quite pleasant sound. "Well, why not? I'm sure you'll make your wife very proud when you are old enough. You two, pick that drunk up off the floor." He dug in a pocket, tossing some coins to the old man behind the counter. "Sorry about the mess. If that doesn't cover the repairs, we're off the Rising Glory. The captain'll see you right." 

"Thank you, sir," the old man said meekly. 

"Are you all right?" Zuko asked, gazing earnestly down at Katara while two of the soldiers dragged Nao off the floor, not particularly gently. The drunk seemed to have realised that he was in trouble, looking scared and staying silent as they hauled him away. 

"I'm fine, Li, really, I just..." She didn't have to feign the shudder. It had happened so fast that the reaction was only just setting in. "It was horrible, but it's over now." 

"Oh, sweetheart." He kissed her forehead, holding her protectively, and Katara's eyes stung. The awkwardly murmured endearment was sweeter than all the poetry in the world. "It's all right. I won't let anyone hurt you." 

Nobody but him, she thought, laying her head on his shoulder. And she didn't mind that. As much as it hurt, she didn't want to stop feeling this way.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies to everyone for failing to post last week - I had an abscess that required a root-canal, and pain and medication had me very off-colour for a while. But I'm back, and should be updating every week again for a while. Next week won't be another chapter of 'Better Part', though, but a long chapter of 'Lost But Gaining Ground' covering some of what the Gaang have been up to while Katara's been away.

"Papers." 

"Sadly, we do not have - "

"Then back on the boat!" the official snapped. "Nobody enters Yu Dao without papers or sponsorship by a citizen in good standing!"

"Of course, of course," Iroh said placatingly. "But we have a citizen in good standing! My good friend Goro, the tea merchant, is expecting my arrival. If you will permit me to send a message, I am sure he will come to vouch for us personally." 

The official frowned, but nodded slowly. "Well... I suppose that would be all right. But you stay right here until he comes!" 

Katara, sitting primly on their piled packs, looked up at Zuko. "How does your Uncle know he can trust this friend in Yu Dao?" she whispered. "What if he... you know..."

"Turns on us? Uncle's sure he won't." Zuko clasped her hand reassuringly. He liked that, liked that when they were in public he could touch her and pretend for a little while that she was his. "He's a member of some kind of secret pai-sho society." 

Katara gave him a sceptical look. "Secret pai-sho society?"

Zuko shrugged. "Uncle won't tell me anything about it because I'm not a member." He lowered his voice even further. "But they got us into Ba Sing Se. They seem to know what they're doing." 

"Okay. If you're sure." She squeezed his hand. 

A second official had showed up, with a significantly fancier hat. "You there! What are you sitting around for?"

"The first gentleman told us that we could not leave the docks without proper documentation or a citizen of Yu Dao to vouch for us," Iroh said cheerfully. "We are waiting for our citizen."

"A likely story!" Fancy Hat glared. "Look at you! Wearing Earth Kingdom green, your faces shaven... and that girl is obviously from the Water Tribe! You are spies, trying to pass yourselves off as Fire Nation citizens!" 

Zuko put a protective arm around Katara's shoulders. "My wife may have Water Tribe blood, but that doesn't mean - "

"I knew it! You are trying to find out about the war effort! Watching the warships, counting soldiers - "

"Fang!" An old man was striding along the dock, beaming. He was as tall and thin as Iroh was short and stout, with huge square side-whiskers. "It has been so long, my old friend! How are you?"

Iroh shook his head sadly. "Fallen on hard times, Goro, I am sorry to say." They clasped hands, and Iroh smiled. "But it is always good to see the face of a friend."

"Indeed it is." Goro looked past Iroh, and his eyebrows went up as his eyes fixed on Zuko's face. "And this young man must be the nephew you have told me so much about."

"Yes, indeed!" Iroh beamed proudly. "This is my nephew, Li, and this lovely young lady is his wife, Kara."

"I am pleased and honoured," Goro said, bowing slightly. Zuko bowed more deeply, and Katara inclined her head. "But we must not stand around! Come with me, come with me... Fang, I have a delightful new cinnamon spiced tea for you to try!" 

Fancy Hat glared. "And who are you? You vouch for these people?"

"Yes, yes! Fang is a very old friend." Goro bowed politely. "I am a humble tea merchant. My name is Goro, of Lotus Street."

"Goro, of Lotus Street." Fancy Hat looked sour. "I... believe I have heard the name."

"Very good! This gentleman is one of my best customers, and an old friend." Goro nodded politely, turning away from him and putting an arm around Iroh's shoulders. "Now come, come! My house is yours, my friend, as always. And you must all be weary from your journey." 

Katara and Zuko gathered up their packs. They tried to follow Fang, but Fancy Hat barred their way. "You may have convinced the merchant to vouch for you," he said in a low voice, "but don't think you're clear of suspicion yet. I'll be watching you." 

"If it makes you happy." Zuko pushed past him, shaking his head. So Goro had heard a lot about him, huh? That was... interesting.

When they reached Goro's house, he showed them to the rooms he had prepared for them... and it seemed a particularly cruel trick of fate, to Zuko, that his uncle had invented a cover story that required Zuko to pretend to be married to a girl he desperately _wanted_ , but could never have. And now share a bedroom with her, without even his uncle's presence to help stifle that longing. 

"You must be hungry and weary," Goro said kindly. "I will send food up to you, of course, and I suggest you rest for a time. Iroh and I will not trouble you with our gossip, or - "

"Or your discussions of pai-sho?" Zuko asked, carefully not looking at Katara. 

Goro gave Iroh a startled look, but Iroh just smiled. "Well, you have never cared for the game, nephew. Have you?"

"No... although maybe I could learn." Zuko shook his head. "No, of course not. Go and talk about... whatever it is. We'll wait until you're done." 

Goro's eyebrows were climbing his forehead as if trying to colonize the space left by a receding hairline. "What does he know?"

"That he must wait outside because he is not a member," Iroh said calmly. "Nothing more." 

Katara raised her hand, looking puzzled. "I don't know what you're talking about at all," she said, when they all looked at her. "I'm not supposed to, am I?"

"No, my dear, you are not." Iroh patted her shoulder. "Rest and restore yourself. We will meet you at the dinner table."

The two old men left, and Zuko scowled. "I told you. Secret pai-sho society." 

"Is that how you always used to find us?" Katara asked, moving to open her pack. "Secret pai-sho messages?"

"No." Zuko frowned harder, feeling suddenly aggrieved. "Uncle never even _mentioned_ it while I was hunting you. Not one single hint. He just kept telling me to calm down and drink tea."

Katara giggled. "I think if anyone ever told your uncle that there was no tea in the spirit world he would live forever."

Zuko snickered, imagining his uncle lecturing Zuko's great-grandsons about Calming Down and Drinking Tea... but the grandsons he pictured were darker-skinned than he knew they would be, and there was a sting under the humour of it. "Probably." He looked at the bed, then away. "I'll sleep on the floor." 

Katara's smile faded, but she nodded. "That's... probably best." She drew her hairbrush out of her pack and went over to sit by the room's one window. "I'm sorry. Maybe if we had a loud fight or something, you could sleep somewhere else...."

"That wouldn't exactly fit the whole 'ran away from your family to be with me forever' cover story. I don't mind." He sat on the edge of the bed, watching her take the combs out of her hair and uncoil her matronly bun. "It won't be for long, anyway."

"Then another ship." Katara wrinkled her nose. "Do metal ships always smell that bad?"

"No. I mean, it's not usually that bad." Zuko had felt oddly homesick, when he smelled oiled metal and a whiff of coal. His ship had felt like a prison while he was on it. Now, it felt more like a home than the palace did. "We're not far from the Fire Nation. Even on a slow ship, we should be there in a week." 

"It feels like climbing into an elephant-shark's mouth," she said softly, beginning to brush out her long hair. "It must be even worse for you."  


"Elephant-shark's mouth sounds about right." The slow strokes of the brush through her hair were soothing, and he let himself watch. Pretend that they weren't pretending, just for a while. "An elephant-shark with a personal grudge against me." 

"But you won't be in its mouth alone. That's something." She looked out the window, tilting her head against the tug of the brush. "Yu Dao is an old colony, right?" 

Zuko blinked at the sudden change of subject. "The oldest... Why?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "You've been worrying about what to do about the colonies, and what you'll do if the colonists don't want to leave. Well, we're in one of the colonies. Why don't we go out tomorrow and see what it's like? Maybe that'll help."

"That's a great idea." Damn the nobles and their prejudices. Katara would make a _wonderful_ Fire Lady... she'd already spent more time thinking about what was best for the people of the Fire Nation and its colonies than Zuko had in his whole life before he met her! And she had good ideas, too, like 'let's find out how the colonists feel about all this' and 'why not pay reparations in something besides money' and 'you know what would keep former soldiers employed? construction projects'. "Will you come with me?"

"Of course." She smiled at him, still brushing her hair. "Getting people talking isn't exactly your best thing. I'll chatter away, and you can listen." 

And she understood that he wasn't good at talking to people and could do it for him. 

Wasn't this just typical of his whole life? He'd wanted his throne back, and now the Avatar was probably going to help him get it... and he'd fallen in love with a woman who was beautiful and smart and kind who'd be a perfect partner for any ruler, and he couldn't have her. 

Lucky to be born, his ass.

* * *

At dinner - which was both delicious and unnervingly fancy, making Katara worry a lot about her table-manners until it occurred to her to just mimic what Zuko did - Goro sipped his tea and dropped an iceberg right on her head. 

"You have been travelling for some time. Perhaps you have not heard about the attack on Princess Azula by the Avatar?"

Katara dropped the tiny dumpling from between her chopsticks and flushed scarlet as it bounced off the table. "I... I'm sorry... no, we hadn't heard about that. What happened?"

"Oh, it was all anyone could talk about for a while." Goro politely ignored the dumpling. "Princess Azula's ship was severely damaged. She had taken one of the Avatar's companions hostage, you see... a young lady of the Water Tribe, somewhat younger than yourself. The Avatar came to take her back."

Katara didn't dare open her mouth for fear of shattering their cover completely, and gave Zuko a pleading look. He nodded, and put down his own chopsticks. "How unfortunate for the princess," he said rather dryly. "What did the Avatar do to her ship?" 

"Details, sadly, are scarce." Goro nibbled a shred of pickle delicately. "Security, you understand. Nevertheless, it seems to be well-known that Princess Azula had prepared a trap, baited with her hostage, that _would_ have worked perfectly had she not been betrayed." 

"Betrayed? Who would dare?" Zuko raised his eyebrows. 

"Rumours vary. Some say it was two of her maids, others that it was two female bodyguards or companions." Goro smoothed his long, wispy beard thoughtfully. "Persons in her confidence, certainly. One of them actually threw a knife at the Princess! And so the trap failed, and the Avatar took back his hostage and the two spies. A sad reversal, after the Princess's great success at Ba Sing Se."

"Oh, yes." Zuko looked down at his plate, a tiny smirk flickering across his face for just a second. "Dreadful." 

Katara poked at her food, her mind whirling. That made no sense at all. Throwing knives? It had to be the two girls who had been working with Azula all along... Miss Bouncy and Gloomy Girl. Azula had mentioned their names, but Katara couldn't remember them now. But they'd been helping Azula! And Katara knew for a _fact_ that they weren't spies for the Avatar. Aang was worse at being stealthy than Sokka! They couldn't have betrayed her... could they?

She worried over it all through dinner and through the wonderfully luxurious hot bath she was allowed to take afterwards. Goro's housekeeper gave her a lovely silk sleeping-robe to wear after her bath, and while Zuko took his turn, she bent the water out of her hair and brushed it out again. (Water-bending made washing long hair so much easier!)

When he came in, Katara nearly yanked out a handful of her own hair. He'd been given one of the sleeping-robes too - and she hadn't noticed how closely they clung when she put hers on. His was open almost to the waist, showing a glimpse of the muscular chest she remembered very clearly from the healing, but had no objection to seeing again. And when he looked at her and then glanced hastily away, blushing, she knew he didn't mind seeing things again, either. 

"That can't be right," she blurted, not really thinking about what she was saying.

"What can't?" He wasn't looking at her, probably on purpose. She was looking, though, at the way the silk draped over the muscled back and lean hips she knew the feel of so very well.

"What he said about Azula's friends turning on her. I don't believe it. I've met them, and they _definitely_ weren't working for the Avatar."

"I thought they were bodyguards or something." Zuko paused, looking up from spreading out his bedroll on the floor. "Wait... you've seen them?"

"Yeah. They were with her when she was chasing us all over the Earth Kingdom. Sokka called them the Dangerous Ladies." Katara put her brush down and started braiding her hair, mostly to give herself something to do. "They're not benders, but they're just as dangerous. One of them throws knives and darts and stuff, and the other one bounces around jabbing on people's pressure-points."

Zuko sat back on his heels, frowning. "Wait... was one of them tall, with really shiny black hair and not much expression? And one with brown hair and grey eyes, kind of a round face, wears pink- "

"That's them!" Katara nodded, feeling silly. "Oh... of course you'd know them, if they were your sister's friends. Unless she met them after you left."

"No, she didn't. That... sounds like Mai and Ty Lee." Zuko ran a hand through his hair. "They've been her best friends since we were all kids. I mean, I haven't seen them in years, but if there's anyone Azula would trust to help her, it would be them." 

"She did seem to." Katara unravelled her braid and started over. "And I know they weren't working with the Avatar. They kind of beat the stuffing out of us a few times."

"It's hard to imagine them turning on Azula." Zuko finished spreading out his blankets, still frowning thoughtfully. Then he sat back on his heels. "But it isn't hard to imagine Azula turning on them," he said, rubbing a hand over the scarred side of his face. "Not after this." 

"What do you mean?" Katara's hands stilled on her hair.

"She knows what happened to me. She's not going to risk it happening to her. She had a hostage and she _lost_ you... but she didn't let anyone find out about it. And when the Avatar attacked her and she lost him too, I'm guessing she put the blame for losing you _and_ him on Mai and Ty Lee. Probably the dispatches I stole, too." 

Katara bit her lip. "She'd just sacrifice her oldest friends like that?"

"I'm her brother, and you've seen her try to kill me." Zuko shrugged. "I don't know any more about what happened than you do. But unless Azula's changed a whole lot since we were kids, she'd cut her own mother's throat to please our father. For all I know, she _did_. She certainly wouldn't hesitate to sacrifice her friends if her own position was in danger."

Katara shuddered, sliding quickly under the blankets. "That's horrible."

"So is she." Zuko slid into his own blankets, extinguishing the lamp with a wave of his hand. "Goodnight, Katara."

Katara lay looking up at the ceiling, letting her eyes adjust to the darkness. "It's sad, too," she said quietly. "If she sacrifices all the people who care about her, she's going to end up all alone."

"I don't think she cares." Zuko's voice was colder than she'd heard it in a long time. "The only thing Azula loves is power. You know what used to make me feel a little better, when Uncle and I were exiled?"

"What?" Katara asked hesitantly.

Zuko laughed humourlessly. "Picturing the look on my father's face when she kills him to take his throne - just like he killed his father. When he finally realises how much like him she is."

Katara shuddered again. "Zuko, that's awful!"

"They are awful. I just wished I could see what they did to each other when they didn't have any other targets left." He sighed, and his voice softened. "I'm sorry. I just...have issues around my family. I shouldn't have told you."

"It's okay. I mean, it's not exactly okay, but... you can tell me things that hurt you. I want you to." Katara rolled on her side, looking at the shape of him outlined under his blankets in the dim light. "Goodnight, Zuko." 

But it took a long time for her to get to sleep.

* * *

Zuko woke to the faint grey light of pre-dawn,and a choked whimper that turned into a sob. 

"Katara?" He scrambled a little woozily to his feet. Katara was curled in a tiny ball, crying quietly. "Katara, what's wrong?" He only hesitated a second, then went over to her, sitting tentatively on the edge of the bed.

"Nothing. It's nothing. I just..." Katara hiccupped, burrowing her head into the pillows. "I had a b-bad dream." 

He hated seeing her cry, and he didn't know how to fix it. He ventured to lay his hand gently on her back, feeling her warmth through the thin silk. "Can I do anything?" 

"It was... I saw Aang, and Sokka, and Toph. They were being eaten by a d-dragon. It... it had bitten off Toph's feet, so she couldn't see, and Sokka's arms, so he couldn't fight, and Aang was i-in its mouth.... and... and Toph was crying, and Sokka... Sokka s-said it was my fault for not b-being there, for wanting to be with you and caring more about you than I had about them, and... and..." Katara dissolved into tears again. "And I couldn't do anything!" 

"Oh, Katara..." Awkwardly, not really sure where to put his hands, he somehow managed to gather her up in his arms, with her head on his shoulder. "Shh..." He stroked her hair, and found himself rocking a little. "I would never hold you back from them... and if I tried, you'd probably tie me in a knot and use me to club the dragon with. Shhh... it was just a dream. They're fine." He knew she would never really choose him over her family. Katara understood the miserable immutability of duty and honour as well as he did. But her dream made it clear that she wanted to, just as much as he did... 

"But what if they're not? What if they need me and I'm not there?"

"Then that's not your fault. We're getting to them as fast as we can. And when we do, I'll help you protect them. I swear it, on my honour, I'll protect them with my life if I have to..."

"But I don't want you to!" She burrowed her face into his neck, clutching at the front of his robe with both hands. "I don't want to lose you, Zuko, I can't... I know we can't, can't be together, I know that, but if anything happened to you, if you were _gone_..."

He held her tightly, pressing his lips to the top of her head. "I know, I know... I feel the same. I'll do my duty, but..." He swallowed hard, choking down words and promises that he couldn't make, that would only hurt them both if he did. "But they're fine. Believe me, if the Avatar had been captured or killed, messenger-hawks would be flying everywhere. And I'll get you to them as soon as I can." 

"I know." She was still clinging to him, as if she was afraid the dragon would snatch him away too. "I just... it felt so real." 

"I know." He shifted around to lean back against the pillows, tugging her down with him so she was cuddled against his side with her head on his shoulder. "There. It's okay. I'm right here." 

Her sobs slowly trailed off into sniffles and shaky sighs. "Zuko?" she murmured after a while. "Will you sing to me?"

He'd always refused, but he couldn't now. "Okay. But don't laugh." 

"I won't."

Zuko cleared his throat, then grinned suddenly. Well, it would take her mind off the nightmare, at least. "It's a long, long way to Ba Sing Se.... but the girls in the city, they look so pretty..."

She giggled, but she didn't ask him to stop. By the time he'd finished the song a second time, she was asleep in his arms.

It was full day when there was a quiet tap on the door, and Iroh peeped in. Zuko met his eyes, ignoring the sad disapproval in his expression, and took his time in sliding out from under the sleeping girl. Just to make his point very clear, he kissed Katara's temple and tucked the blanket around her before walking over to the doorway. "Did you have something to say?"

"One or two things," Iroh said quietly. "In my room, perhaps?"

"If you like." Zuko followed him, focusing on his breathing. He would stay calm. He would not get angry. This... situation... wasn't Iroh's doing.

When the door was closed behind them, Iroh folded his arms. "I assumed you would, like a gentleman, sleep on the floor." 

"I did." Zuko stretched slowly and deliberately, both to be annoying and because he was aching in several places after holding that awkward position for over an hour. "Katara had a nightmare just before dawn. What was I supposed to do, just lie on the floor and ignore her while she cried her eyes out?"

Some of the tension went out of his uncle's stance. "Ah. I see." 

"Yes. You see." Zuko reminded himself again to be calm. "Did you really think I would... take advantage of her? After I gave her my word I wouldn't?"

"I think you are both young," Iroh said gently. "And there is a difference between taking advantage, and yielding to... mutual temptation." 

Zuko flushed, his calm fraying noticeably. "And you think I would do that? Seduce her, knowing that I couldn't... couldn't do the honourable thing afterwards, and marry her?" 

"I think you would like to," Iroh said, and then cleared his throat, looking a little embarrassed himself. "To marry her, I mean! Not seduce her dishonourably! I did not mean to imply that!"

Zuko's fists had clenched, but after his uncle explained he forced them to uncurl again. "But it doesn't matter what I want, does it? I can't."

"No. You can't. But it does matter... to me, at least. I want you to be happy, nephew. I have always wanted that. I am sorry that this happened, more so than I can say."

"I'm not." Zuko swallowed hard. He might have shed tears over Katara, but he was man enough not to do so in front of anyone. "I was always going to have to submit to an arranged marriage, wasn't I?" He looked away from his Uncle, his throat aching. "And I will. I know my duty. But knowing that Katara cared for me - _me_ , not the Fire Lord, not my political value or wealth... it's nice." 

"Oh, Zuko..." Zuko looked back, shocked to see that his Uncle had tears pouring down his face. "I am sorry," he said miserably. "I am so sorry. This is all my fault. I failed you so badly - "

"No. No, you didn't fail me!" Aghast, Zuko reached out, resting his hands on his uncle's shoulders. "This isn't your fault!"

"It is. If I had returned at once, after losing Lu Ten, instead of fleeing in search of comfort for myself while Ozai took the throne... if I had remarried, as I should have, and had heirs of my own..." Iroh sniffled, a heartbreakingly pitiful sound. "If I had challenged Ozai when I returned... if I had thought of my responsibilities before myself even once, then you would not be in this position! I would be able to relieve you of this burden, instead of having to watch you suffer and have nothing I can do..." 

Zuko abandoned dignity and hugged his uncle tightly. "No. No, Uncle. It's not your fault." His eyes were stinging, and his voice was hoarse, but he wasn't so worried about hiding that now. "If you'd done any of that, we wouldn't be here now, to help the Avatar when he needs us. To _stop_ this war, instead of blindly continuing it. I never would have had you to teach me to be a better man. And I never would have met her." He swallowed hard. "I meant it. I'm glad I met her. It's... it's hard. But I wouldn't change it." 

Iroh sobbed, and Zuko felt more tears soaking into the almost dry damp patch that Katara had left. "I am so proud," Iroh managed between sobs. "So proud of you, Zuko, so very proud..."

"Thank you, Uncle." Zuko sniffled, holding on tightly. He'd known for a long time that Iroh loved him like a father... and he wished he'd understood earlier how much he loved his uncle back. That Iroh's pride in him was worth more than any honour his cruel, heartless father could ever have bestowed.

If Goro noticed how many red eyes there were at the breakfast table, he didn't comment. Instead, he assured them that all their travel arrangements would be seen to - there was a boat leaving in three days' time whose passenger list had been full for a month, but he was sure he could manage something! - and asked how they would like to pass the day. 

"I would like to see some of Yu Dao," Katara said, and her downcast eyes and quiet voice might be due to misery and misplaced guilt, but they gave a rather charming impression of demure modesty. "And... I think we should go shopping, shouldn't we, Uncle? We're wearing the wrong colours."

"Yes, indeed." Iroh brightened perceptibly. "And you will look lovely in red, my dear. Goro, you must advise us on the best place to go to outfit my dear niece and nephew suitably for their new home." 

Zuko was torn between being glad that Uncle and Katara would be cheered up by shopping and a sudden dread. "That sounds like a good idea. While you do that, I'll just - "

"Come with us!" Iroh said brightly. "So we can be certain your new clothes fit!"

Zuko gave Katara a pleading look - and then exaggerated it, seeing her smile a little. "I'm sure the two of you can find something that fits me! I'm not choosy, I could just - "

Katara took his hand in both of hers, turning eyes on him that were so wide and melting that he could almost feel his bones turning to jelly. "But who'll explore with me when Uncle is tired and wants to stop for tea and pai-sho?" she said coaxingly. "And carry the things that are too heavy for me?"

He must be in love, if carrying heavy shopping for her sounded almost as good as exploring. And he _had_ agreed that they should explore Yu Dao, hadn't he? "Oh, all right," he said, trying to convince himself that it was only pretending to be Li, Kara's husband, that put that besotted note in his voice. 

At least Katara made shopping much less painful than his uncle did. She had let Iroh go to pick out 'one fancy outfit each, just one' while she held up dull red and grey-black shirts against Zuko, asked him to choose between four pairs of completely inoffensive pants, and selected a dress for herself faster than Iroh could decide on what tea to have in the morning. By the time Iroh came back, arms full of red silk, Katara had found two full changes of clothes for both herself and Zuko, and was trying on sensible sandals that would be far more comfortable in the heat than her boots. "Li, what do you think?" she asked, holding out one pretty foot in a red and brown sandal. "These?"

"Uh... sure. They look..." Zuko cleared his throat. "Comfortable?" Oh, Agni, he sounded like an idiot.

Katara giggled, giving the motherly woman behind the stall a conspiratorial look. "Men," she said fondly. "We've been married less than six months and he's already forgotten how to tell me something is pretty!" 

"Don't they all." The woman shook her head, smiling. "But that's all right. It's when he stops noticing that you should worry!" She gave Zuko an amused look. "And trust me, dear, he's still noticing. Those, then?"

"They are charming," Iroh said, turning to the side so he could see Katara's feet past his armful of fancy clothes. "I have things for Li and myself, Kara, but I want you to come and choose between two dresses that I think will suit you delightfully." 

"Of course. Now, about the sandals - "

Someone grabbed Zuko's shoulder, spinning him around, sending the bundles of clothes in his arms flying. "Aha! Got you!" 

Zuko reacted instinctively, twisting away from the hand and kicking out - but more hands grabbed him, and his arms were yanked behind him and secured with manacles before he'd even realised that the men facing him wore uniforms. Fire Navy uniforms. And standing just behind the leader, smirking, was Fancy Hat. "What are you doing?" he protested, continuing to struggle. "What do you want?"

"Oh, you need not play innocent," Fancy Hat said smugly. "An old man and a boy with a scarred face seeking passage to the Fire Nation? I don't know where you picked up the girl, Prince Zuko, but she was not disguise enough!" 

 


	10. Chapter 10

"Please, you are mistaken! There has been a great misunderstanding!" Somehow, Iroh managed not to break character. He was the very picture of a flustered merchant, clutching his shopping as one of the soldiers took his arm. "We are new arrivals in Yu Dao, but we have references and - "

Zuko was still struggling, but his arms were manacled and being twisted up behind him. "We haven't done anything wrong! What are you talking about?"

Katara snatched up the parcels Zuko had dropped, looking around helplessly before pushing them all at the motherly woman (in green, she realized vaguely) behind the shoe stall. "Please... please watch these." She dropped a handful of coins on top of them, not even knowing how much it was, and turned to see that the soldiers were already moving away.

"Wait!" She ran after them, tugging on the arm of the one twisting Zuko's arms behind his back. "Stop it! Leave my husband alone!"

"I am telling you, you are mistaken!" Iroh was saying earnestly. The soldiers hadn't bothered to manacle _him_ , either because he was following them cooperatively or because his arms were already hampered by his shopping. "Please, I do not know who this 'Zuko' is, but my nephew's name is Li - "

"A young man with a scarred face and his elderly uncle, travelling to the Fire Nation," Fancy Hat said doggedly. "I knew it! Your tricks will not work on me!"

The man whose arm Katara was tugging pushed her away, and another one caught her by the elbow. "Come on, missy," he said, not particularly unkindly. "If this _is_ a misunderstanding, it'll all be sorted out soon enough. And if it isn't, it's best for all of you not to make trouble."

"What do you mean, if it is a misunderstanding?" Fancy Hat glared at him. "We have captured the fugitives!"

"They didn't put up much of a fight," the soldier said reasonably. "And I'm pretty sure the guy on the wanted poster had a bigger scar than that."

"Trickery!" Fancy Hat shouted, stomping ahead of them. "Or a mistake! The likeness is certain!"

Katara _could_ have gotten them out of it, she thought, as they passed a fountain. She was fast, and they weren't expecting a fight from her. But then they would be fugitives all over again, and Goro would be in trouble, and Iroh didn't seem to want them to fight yet. He was the one who'd brought them here, and she should trust his judgement.

So she followed his lead and burst into tears, sobbing pitifully as Kara would have every reason to do, seeing her adored husband snatched from her after all they'd suffered. By the time they reached the docks, the soldier's grip on her arm had turned into a rather nervous support under her elbow, as if he were afraid she'd fall over wailing at any moment.

They were dragged into a sort of large wooden shed, with boxes everywhere. Someone was sent to fetch 'the captain' and Zuko was pushed down onto his knees and held there. Iroh put his purchases down and - ignoring the several hands that went to swords or bending positions - went over to take Katara in his arms, making soothing noises. "There, there, my dear. Shh, don't cry. This is just a misunderstanding. We will send for Goro, to vouch for us, and explain - "

"The merchant cannot help you," Fancy Hat said smugly. "This is now a _military_ matter. And do not think shaving off your beard will save you, _General Iroh_!" He picked up a piece of paper, waving it in Iroh's face. It was a wanted poster, and unfortunately a very good likeness. "Even if I did not have this, there is a captain in the port who knows you both _personally_! He will be here at any moment!"

Katara felt Iroh tense as he patted her back mechanically. "I do not know who that is," he said meekly. "I am only a poor merchant. Perhaps there is some likeness, but - "

"It is a perfect likeness! And while the scar is... is not quite as pictured, the rest of his face is!" Fancy Hat was holding up Zuko's wanted poster now, next to his face. "See? The resemblance to Fire Lord Ozai is unmistakeable!" He preened a little. "I am from the capital, you know. I have seen many fine representations of the Fire Lord."

Katara sobbed again, and under cover of her weeping Iroh whispered into her ear. "Be ready."

She nodded, wiping her eyes on her sleeve and giving Fancy Hat a defiant look. "Li is _not_ a prince!" she said, voice trembling with very authentic fright. The water was out of her sight, and she wasn't sure there was enough around... "He is my husband, and w-we just want to go somewhere where p-people will leave us alone!"

"Kara's family opposed the match," Iroh added gravely. "She is of Water Tribe descent and her father thought she could do better than 'Fire Nation colony trash', as he put it." He shook his head. "But she and Li loved each other, and so she left her family for him."

This clearly struck a chord for at least some of the soldiers, because Katara found herself getting approving looks - which melted rapidly back into stoic immobility when the door opened and a tall, grey-haired man stepped through it. Iroh twitched _hard_ at the sight of him, and Katara was sure he'd recognized him. He looked sort of familiar to Katara, too, although that was probably just those stupid square whiskers that so many Fire Nation men had.

"Captain Jee," Fancy Hat said triumphantly. "You knew the former General Iroh and the disgraced Prince Zuko, did you not? So you can confirm their identity?"

Cool eyes travelled over Iroh, and Katara as well. Then he went to where Zuko was kneeling and took a handful of his hair, jerking his head up so that their eyes met. Something about the fear and resignation in Zukos face, and the calm assessment in the captain's, had Katara shivering like a frightened arctic mouse. They'd been caught, they'd been _caught_...

"The resemblance is uncanny," Captain Jee said after a long, silent moment, still gazing searchingly at Zuko's face. "Quite uncanny. But the prince's scar surrounds his eye, and is much larger." Almost gently, he released his grip on Zuko's hair, turning back to Iroh. "And the general was stouter and not quite so old. Still. It is a wonderful resemblance. I do not blame you for being fooled."

"Fooled?" squeaked Fancy Hat.

"Yes. The scar is wrong, and the prince is younger than this. Look at his face - does he look like a pampered prince of sixteen to you?"

"Well... perhaps not," Fancy Hat said doubtfully. He didn't. Months of deprivation and unhappiness had left lines on Zuko's face that hadn't been there when she first met him, and his porcelain complexion had been weathered to a light tan.

"I served under Prince Zuko for three years," the captain said quietly, and Katara's blood seemed to freeze in her veins. Now she recognized him. He'd been on Zuko's ship, he _had_ to know who Zuko was, who all three of them were! Why was he saying that he didn't? "It's funny. I never would have thought he'd turn traitor." He smiled wryly. "Don't misunderstand me, he was a spoiled little shit most of the time - tantrums every other minute, and Agni help us all if he was crossed. But I'd have sworn his dedication to his nation was real. Strange how wrong you can be about people," he added, and his eyes were holding Zuko's again. "Let them go. It's a strange coincidence, that's all."

"Are you _sure_ , Captain? No doubt the privations of their exile have wrought changes - " Fancy Hat didn't seem to want to let his wonderful capture go.

Jee gripped Zuko's chin and lifted his face again, turning it towards Fancy Hat. "Look at him! Look at that scar! It's nothing like the one I spent three years having to salute, believe me! What do you think happened, he met a magical spirit healer during his exile who decided to fix _half_ of it?"

Katara had forgotten how to breathe. Iroh was gripping her arm so hard it hurt.

"It's a steam burn," Zuko said, his voice a little choked. "I was working in a tea shop, and one of the kettles..."

Jee nodded, releasing him. "Tea shop, huh?" His eyes flicked sideways to Iroh. "I see. Well. I'm sorry for your inconvenience." He inclined his head slightly to Iroh and Katara. "I understand you're travelling back to the homeland. If you'll wait a moment, I'll give you a document to prevent this from happening again."

"Thank you," Zuko said quietly, and Katara's throat tightened at how confused he sounded.

"What names?" Jee asked, as one of his men offered him a travelling writing case. Fancy Hat made a furious noise and stomped out, slamming the door behind him.

"My name is Li." Zuko looked up at Iroh and Katara, and if Iroh hadn't been holding her she would have gone to him then. "This is my uncle, Fang, and my... my wife. Kara."

Jee looked up at that. "Your wife. I see. Unchain him, for Agni's sake." The shed was silent except for the clink of manacles as he prepared his ink and wrote a brief document. Zuko got to his feet, rubbing his wrists, then came over and almost snatched Katara out of Iroh's arms, holding her and burying his face in her hair. She held him back just as tightly, feeling him shaking uncontrollably, and tears trickled down her face as she realized again how close she'd come to losing him.

"Here." Jee was handing Iroh the piece of paper. "If anyone else stops you, show them this."

"Your own name and seal," Iroh said quietly. "How very official."

"Yes." Jee smiled slightly. "Don't make me regret it, old man."

"I will do my best." Iroh began gathering up his parcels again. "Li, Kara, come along. I... I think we have done enough shopping for today."

* * *

Zuko didn't say a word on their way back to Goro's house. He couldn't. If he spoke, it would all come out. So he followed Uncle silently, Katara tucked in under his arm. She was holding on as tight as he was, her hands moving over his back and shoulder now and then as if to reassure herself or him.

When they were inside, shut safely in Katara and Zuko's bedroom, he gathered Katara into his arms again and let out a shuddering breath. " _Why_?" He had a thousand questions, but that was most of them.

"I do not know, nephew." Iroh was rubbing his chin and frowning. "Truly, I would not have expected it."

"He was on your ship, wasn't he?" Katara's voice was muffled, since her face was pressed against his chest, but he had no objections to that. "He must have known who I am, too."

"He knew." Zuko spread his hands over her back, holding her tightly. "He knew about all of us. I don't know why he lied. It's not like he ever liked me."

"He respected you." Iroh smiled slightly when Zuko gave him a disbelieving look. "He may not have liked your temper, Zuko, but after you scaled that tower during a lightning storm to save the helmsman, you earned his respect. After that, he understood that while you might say harsh things when your temper was roused, you did care for your crew."

"You did?" Katara looked up at him admiringly, and Zuko had to kiss her forehead and move away from her before his self-control shattered entirely.

"But he didn't just... he gave us a letter, with his own seal, saying we weren't who we are! If we're caught with that, he'll be executed or worse! Why would he do that, Uncle?"

Iroh sighed. "I don't know, nephew. Perhaps someday we will be able to ask him."

"What if it's a trap? What if there's some kind of code in the letter or something?"

"Nephew, if he wanted to capture us, he had us at his mercy today." Iroh frowned. "I do not believe he is a member of the Order of the White Lotus but I do not know all the members by any means. Goro will be able to find out. That would certainly go far to explain it."

"The White Lotus... you mean your secret pai-sho thing?" Zuko paced, feeling as if he would explode if he tried to stay still. "You think he helped you because he knew you were - "

"No. If he was a member high enough to know of me, he would have told me so during our three years together - he certainly cannot have been so elevated in only a few months." Iroh shook his head. "But any member of the White Lotus, of any nation, would be very likely to try to protect _you_."

Zuko and Katara both stared at him. "Why?"

"Because I told them to," Iroh said simply. "I am a Grand Lotus, one of only ten in the world. And I have been telling my fellow members for a long time now, whenever I had the chance to send word, that my nephew is an honourable young man untainted by the mad ambition that has poisoned our family for the last three generations - and our last and greatest hope for ending the war."

Zuko shook his head slowly. A Grand Lotus, of an organized society that included other nations than their own - what sort of long game had his uncle been playing all this time? "For a long time?" he asked tentatively. "Even before - "

Iroh sat down on one of the room's two chairs, waving Katara to the other. "Since before your revelation? Yes, long before. The war has lasted for a hundred years, Zuko, and I was considering the long term. Attempts are made on my brother's life on a very regular basis. Had one of them succeeded, even while you were in exile, you would have had an excellent chance of taking the throne."

"But surely my father disinherited - "

"Even so." Iroh shrugged. "Remember that Azula is only fourteen, and a girl, with no real military experience. Given a choice between a boy who has successfully commanded a military vessel and who is supported by the Dragon of the West and other influential persons, and a little girl without any experience at all... well. You would not have had much difficulty there, I think."

Zuko frowned. That... seemed unfair to Azula, somehow, even though he knew that she'd be a terrible ruler and a worse war-leader. "What other influential persons?"

"Suffice it to say that the White Lotus Society has its contacts," Iroh said smoothly. "Understand, nephew, I can tell you very little. You are not a member... nor are you, Katara, though I think I can tell you that you have already been nominated for membership."

"I have? When? By who?" Katara looked as thunderstruck as Zuko felt. _She'd_ been nominated?

"Master Pakku of the Northern Water Tribe nominated you. However, your formal recruitment was deferred since you were too young. I believe you were still fourteen then?" Iroh folded his hands over his stomach placidly.

Katara nodded, frowning. "I only turned fifteen two months ago."

"Indeed." Iroh quirked an eyebrow at Zuko. "As for you, while I have vouched for you to the society as a promising leader, your complete inability to lie convincingly does not bode well for membership in a secret society."

Zuko flushed, and Katara giggled. "And he blurts things out when he's angry."

"Constantly," Iroh said with feeling.

"There's nothing wrong with - at least I'm not Azula, who lies all the time!" Zuko snapped, temper rising. He felt raw and confused, still shaken by his capture and unexpected release, and in no mood to be teased.

Katara got up, catching his hand and tugging until he turned to face her. "No, you're not." She ran her fingers over his cheek, the scarred one, and he could feel himself calming under her touch. "Remember, Uncle's been trying to convince everyone that you'll be a _good_ Fire Lord... and I think he's right."

Zuko nodded slowly. "That's... true. Uncle, what did you mean by mad ambition poisoning our family?" He'd barely noticed it at the time, flustered by the amount of faith his uncle had had in him even then. But it struck a chord, now that he thought about it.

Iroh met his eyes steadily. "I mean that I have every reason to believe that Ozai murdered our father out of hunger for his throne," he said quietly. "I mean that Azula was already scheming against you at the age of eleven. The lust for power and glory is a sickness within this family, Zuko, and has been since Sozin. It was the cause of the war, and is the fuel that continues to feed it."

"But you're not like that," Katara said softly.

"I was." Iroh sighed. "The death of my son, and the spiritual journey I undertook after it... that cured me, at least in part. I was finally able to see the terrible destruction I had caused, and that my family had caused. I do not know what it is," he added reflectively. "If it is some kind of inherited sickness, or a curse laid on our family in retribution for Sozin's murder of Avatar Roku and the slaughter of the Air Nomads, or if it is simply something we learn young. But Zuko has never had it. He is the only member of the family, as far as I know, born completely free of that taint. Even Lu Ten showed signs of it, though never to Azula or Ozai's extent."

"But I _am_ ambitious," Zuko protested. "You know that, I wanted to return to the Fire Nation to take back my throne, to capture the Avatar when my father didn't, to - "

"Yes, yes, but that is different." Iroh leaned forward. "You have.... what I would call a more normal ambition, one bounded by honour and principle. You would not murder your father or sister to take that throne. You did not put innocent villages to the torch and the sword, though I know that it was suggested to you and that you knew it would work."

"It would," Katara said quietly. "Aang can't bear to see anyone suffer because of him."

"I know that. But I couldn't just murder people." Zuko felt bizarrely as if he was boasting, by saying that... but it was true. He wasn't just saying it so she would look at him like that, as giddy as it made him when her eyes filled with affection and admiration.

"Ozai and Azula could, and would." Iroh said flatly. "And I would not have hesitated to justify any 'military necessity' when I was searching, if I had had the chances you did. And that is why the Order of the White Lotus will support you, Zuko, even those members who are of the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribe. Because I have reported, as others have, that you understand that there are lines that should not be crossed. That you will not lie for gain or abuse the trust of those who serve you. That at last there is a chance, however slight, of putting a Fire Lord in place who will end the atrocities of the last hundred years." He sighed, and Zuko saw him glance at Katara. "One who is willing to put his responsibilities over the desires of his heart," he added quietly.

They'd never openly acknowledged that, not all three of them together, and for a moment they were all silent. Katara had turned away, and Iroh was watching her with sad eyes. "We've all had to make sacrifices," Zuko said, looking away. Every line of her slender body screamed of tension and grief, even with her face averted.

"Yes. And we may yet have to make more." Iroh sighed, pushing himself up out of the chair. "Katara, you left your shopping at that stall, correct? I will send for it. For now, I think you should both rest."

He left them alone, and after a moment Zuko walked over to the window, staring out blindly. "I wish I could leave you here."

"Don't even think about trying it." Her voice was tight. "I'm not being left behind again, Zuko."

"I know. I just... you nearly got caught today because you were with me. I can't... I can't just let that happen, Katara. If you got hurt because of me, if I..." He had to stop talking, his throat so tight with fear that he couldn't force the words out without his voice cracking.

A small hand rested on his back, between his shoulder blades. "There was an Earth Kingdom general who thought that Aang could defeat the Fire Lord quickly if he could learn to control the Avatar State," she said, her voice strangely remote. "He tried everything he could think of... stimulants, ceremonies, everything. Eventually he succeeded into sending Aang into the Avatar state by making him watch me being slowly buried alive in solid stone."

"WHAT?" Zuko swung around, his fists clenched. Just the thought of it, of someone deliberately hurting her... and the stricken look on her face as she remembered it told him exactly how bad it had been.

"Then there was the time we got stranded in the desert," she continued, still remote. "Sandbenders stole Appa and left us to die. There were the pirates, of course. I brought that one on myself, really. Then Azula captured me and the spirits know what _she_ would have done." Her eyes came up to meet his. "Zuko, I've been in danger all my life," she said gently. "You know what would have happened to me if anyone had found out I was a waterbender. Or if a ship had stopped by in search of... entertainment. It's been even more dangerous since I met Aang. I won't be safe if you leave me behind, any more than I will be if I go with you. And that isn't your fault."

"I know." He cupped her shoulders between his hands, feeling how small and how strong she was.

He felt a sudden strange kinship with Sokka, who he knew far better from Katara's descriptions than from their few meetings. Zuko had never had to protect anyone before. Now, having someone he _loved_ , someone he'd give his life for, and knowing he couldn't keep her safe.... how had Sokka endured this for so long? How had he not gone mad with rage, knowing that Katara would be in danger all her life that he couldn't save her from?

"I can defend myself, you know," she said, smiling up at him. "I kicked your butt at the North Pole."

"You just barely won with the full moon behind you," he corrected, but he returned her smile. "I know I can't leave you here. I wasn't going to try. I just... I want you to be safe."

"And I want you to be safe. And there's only one way for that to happen." She touched his cheek again, a gentle caress that made his heart ache. "It's only a month until the Day of Black Sun. We can last for a month."

Only a month. Only a month until he might be Fire Lord... and have to give Katara up forever. She would leave with her brother and the Avatar, and he would stay behind to rule. He'd see her again, perhaps, at a few state occasions or diplomatic visits. But he would never have her in his arms again.

Katara made a little startled noise as he yanked her into his arms, kissing her with sudden desperation. She'd almost been snatched away from him today, and in a month he would lose her forever. He didn't know how he could live without her, without the one person in the world who cared for him, maybe even loved him, purely for himself. She wasn't family, she didn't care about his rank or his birth, only him...

She kissed him back, arms going around him, and his grasp tightened further. Just for a moment, just for a moment, let him forget the war and lose himself in her, in loving her and feeling her body arch eagerly against his as desire thrilled through them both.

Then he tasted bitter salt and jerked away from her. His eyes were stinging, but it was her tears he'd tasted, pouring down her face in a silent flood. "We can't do this," she whispered. "Zuko, it just makes it hurt more."

"I'm sorry." The words were so pathetically inadequate. Seeing her cry _hurt_ , and it was his fault. "I won't do it again."

She nodded, wiping her eyes with her fingertips. "I want you to," she said sadly. "I do. But that's why we can't."

He nodded, shoving his hands behind his back to stifle the urge to reach out to her. "I'll... I'll go make some tea," he mumbled, and fled before the stinging in his eyes could turn to shameful tears.

* * *

Iroh had planned carefully. They had new identification, proving that 'Fang' had been born in the Fire Nation, that 'Li' was a Fire Nation citizen born in the colonies and that 'Kara' was his Earth Kingdom wife. They had a letter (quite genuine) from Sword-Master Piandao, accepting Li as a student and inviting his old acquaintance Fang to accompany his nephew. That letter was important. A swordsman trained by Piandao had prospects - even a mere colonial could rise as high as the Royal Guard itself, with such a qualification! Even the most suspicious customs official wouldn't question that.

Goro had been as good as his word. The threat to remove his cargo from the ship carrying passengers to the Fire Nation, along with a large portion of the ship's take for this journey, had immediately prompted the captain's creativity. He could not take more _passengers_ , as such, the designated areas being overfull as it was. But Goro had paid for quite a large section of the cargo hold and if he wanted to send guards along with his rare tea, well, that was quite his own business. They could sleep with the tea-bales - very private, much pleasanter than the common passenger area - and could eat with the passengers for the most nominal extra sum.

The 'nominal' sum had been paid, and they were ready to board.

"Good luck, Fang," Goro said quietly, clasping Iroh's hand. He didn't know, and didn't want to, exactly what they were up to, but he knew that Iroh intended to make a push to secure his nephew's inheritance. Goro had taken the time to talk to Zuko, once or twice, and had privately informed Iroh that he would add his endorsement to those circulating among the White Lotus members. Zuko was a principled young man, who seemed to be giving serious thought to the welfare of the colonies and the preservation of the Fire Nation's economy. Since all evidence indicated that Ozai didn't actually know what an 'economy' was or where the money he spent so lavishly on the war actually came from, Goro's statement of support would carry much weight with the often-ignored but vital merchant classes.

"Thank you, my friend," Iroh said, returning the clasp and a smile. "I hope to be able to visit again soon, in happier circumstances."

"Thank you for all your kindness," Katara said softly, smiling up at Goro when he clasped her hand in turn. "Truly, I can't tell you how much it means to me."

Truth, tactfully phrased, and Goro inclined his head in acknowledgement. "I wish you well, my dear. And to you too, Li - I hope your training with Master Piandao goes well."

"So do I." Zuko bowed politely. "And thank you for everything."

Iroh ushered them up the gangplank, and they lost themselves in a sea of dull red before - he hoped - any official had taken particular notice of them.

"Remember," he had told both teenagers that morning, "the ship will be the greatest test. There will be spies aboard, there always are. Your pretence must never waver, not from the moment we board until the moment we leave the ship. You are husband and wife, for this eight days. I know it is cruel, but so it must be."

And it was cruel, he thought, watching the way Zuko's arm curled around Katara's shoulders, the way they turned towards one another like flowers to the sun. For eight days, they could pretend that the desire of both their hearts was theirs, and then it would be taken from them. But perhaps it would be a comfort later, when time had dulled the pain, that they had had this little time. He hoped so. But his throat burned when he saw Zuko bend to kiss Katara's temple, assuring her that she would like the Fire Nation, that they would be happy there.

It was cruel. But what else was there to do?

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

"Mnnn." Katara woke up with a crick in her neck and an aching arm, but if that was the price of waking up in Zuko's arms she'd pay it gladly.

As a married couple, of course, they couldn't have separate beds. Not when anyone could walk past and see them. Iroh had made it very clear that there were spies aboard who would watch a girl who was so obviously of Water Tribe descent that she couldn't claim even colonial citizenship very closely indeed in case she was some sort of spy. Of course the wife of a Fire Nation citizen couldn't actually be refused passage, but...

So they were curled together under their blankets, Zuko's arm draped over her and his breath fanning the back of her neck. She sighed, snuggling back a little, and his arm tightened around her and he nuzzled her neck, kissing it gently. She could feel it when he woke completely. He tensed, clutching her to him for a moment, then sighed and rolled on his back, drawing away. "Good morning," he whispered, hand sliding down her arm under the blanket to twine his fingers with hers.

"Good morning." She squeezed his hand gently, then winced. "Ow."

"What?"

"You're on my hair."

"Oh." He tugged her braid out from under his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." It wasn't... but it was, too. At least, for a little while, she could roll over and kiss him, smile down at him as lovingly as she wanted to. "I should get up and get in line for breakfast." She'd been warned by a kindly sailor after the first unpleasant evening that the passengers were fed from common pots, and that if she wanted more than scorched dregs for breakfast and dinner, she should line up early - at dawn and before sunset, if possible. After two full days at sea, Katara knew exactly how good his advice had been.

"All right." He tugged her down for another kiss first, then sighed and let her go. "I'll wake Uncle and we'll join you out there."

"Oh, let him sleep. We'll keep his breakfast for him." Katara slid out of their blankets and pulled on her skirt and tunic over the underthings she had slept in. She couldn't wear her bindings on the ship - only the Water Tribe wore undergarments like that. So she wore a thin shift and drawers, and couldn't get used to how much her breasts moved around without the support of her sarashi - although she couldn't help noticing that Zuko seemed to look at them kind of a lot. Which she liked, as foolish as that was.

She reached the line in good time, with only a dozen people ahead of her. She took her place, ignoring the sneers. She would just have to put up with those for a while.

She hadn't known that there was a hierarchy among Fire Nation citizens. If you were Water Tribe, you were Water Tribe - in the South, at least - and that was that. A chief or a great warrior might be a bit more important to the tribe, and certainly a master bender was, but you didn't make a big fuss about it. Aang had said that the Air Nomads had been much the same. A few revered elders had higher status and made decisions for the group, but that was all.

In the Earth Kingdom, she'd learned about the importance of wealth and status. Now she was learning, rather unpleasantly, about what Iroh called caste. Those born in the Fire Nation looked down on 'colonials', whose blood was often mixed with that of the Earth Kingdom, who lacked the polish and status of true Fire Nation citizens. And the colonials, in turn, looked down on Kara, who had no Fire Nation blood at all. It would be even worse when they reached the Fire Nation, she suspected.

So she waited in line, ignoring the sneers and the mutters. After a while, Zuko joined her, putting an arm around her shoulders. "Uncle's still snoring," he murmured. "But I thought I'd keep you company."

Protect her, he meant, and Katara snuggled against him gratefully. It was sweet how angry he got when people looked down on her. "I'm fine. It doesn't bother me."

"Yes, it does." He kissed the top of her head. "Anyway, I don't have anything else to do."

They got their bowls of bland jook and found an unoccupied patch of deck. Katara was halfway through her bowl, trying not to wrinkle her nose too obviously, when she heard a soft groan with a familiar note.

"Are you all right?" A young man was hovering over a woman who looked a little older, who was clutching a railing with one hand and her very pregnant stomach with the other.

"I'm fine. I'm fine." The woman looked terrified, and decidedly not fine. "The midwife said that sometimes... sometimes you have contractions before it's time. For practice, or something."

Katara ran an experienced eye over the woman. She looked ready to burst, and the mild contractions that came before the real thing shouldn't prompt _that_ noise. Or that stance, either. "Uh-oh," she said softly.

Zuko followed her gaze, and went paper-white. "Is she going to have a baby here on the _boat_?"

"Oh, I think so." Katara nodded, then smiled at his transparent horror. "There are worse places to have one, you know."

"But... right _here_? _Now_?"

"No, no! It takes a while." Katara hastily gulped the last of her breakfast and handed Zuko the bowl. "Here. I'll go see how she's doing."

The young man - hardly older than Zuko - was looking around helplessly. He went over to the woman nearest them, a stout middle-aged lady with several children. "Excuse me," he said meekly. "But I think my sister might be having her baby, and - "

The woman sniffed disapprovingly. "She shouldn't have been travelling if she was close to her time."

"I'm not supposed to be! The baby isn't meant to come for another three weeks!" the pregnant woman almost wailed.

Three weeks? Katara eyed the woman and suppressed a snort. She looked as if she were about to have a baby hippocow. Three weeks, Katara's ass.

"My brother-in-law was wounded in combat," the young man said defensively. "He's back home in the Fire Nation, and he sent for us. He wanted the baby to be born in the homelands."

"Hmph." The middle-aged woman turned her back on him. "Colonial trash."

Katara had picked her way through the clusters of people sitting or standing around, and touched the pregnant woman's arm. "How often are the contractions coming?" she asked kindly.

"Every few minutes." The poor thing looked as if she was about to cry. "I don't know what to do. It's my first, and there's no midwife, and..."

Katara patted her back soothingly. "Yes, there is. I'm a midwife."

"You?" The middle-aged woman turned and looked at Katara as if she'd crawled up out of a gutter somewhere. "You're far too young!"

Katara rolled her eyes, not having to feign annoyance. "I'm older than I look. And I started assisting my grandmother when I was ten."

"Ten?" the pregnant woman asked, frowning.

Katara held up her hands. "Small hands," she explained. "Sometimes a little hand can get in and, uh, untangle things."

Absolutely everyone within earshot was staring at her in horror. "Untangle things?" the pregnant woman whimpered.

"Twins," Katara explained, remembering that she shouldn't mention delivering seal cubs or polar dog pups. "Or when a baby's not the right way around." The pregnant woman still looked horrified.

Zuko had come up behind her, balancing their empty bowls and Iroh's full one in one hand. "Can I help?" he asked bravely, even though he was clearly nervous.

Katara smiled at him. "This is my husband Li," she said, turning to the pregnant woman again. "And my name is Kara. What's yours?"

Another contraction hit, and the woman gripped Katara's arm with a vice-like grip. "It's... it's Ming," she said, when the contraction eased. "And that's my brother Chao."

"All right, Ming." Katara put an arm around her. "It's going to be all right. We need to get you somewhere quiet - "

"But there isn't anywhere!" Ming's eyes were full of tears. "I don't want to h-have my baby in front of everyone, but - "

"You won't. We have a sort of private corner." Katara looked over her shoulder at Zuko. "Go down and wake Uncle," she said firmly. "Clear our things out of the corner and move a couple of the bales to screen it off." He nodded and hurried off, and Katara turned to Chao. "You. Did you bring things for the baby? Swaddling cloths, clothes - "

"We have all that." Chao nodded. "Should I get it?"

"That, and a couple of clean blankets. Bring them down to the hold, second level, the one on the left towards the stern. Oh, and grab one of the cooks and tell him I'll need some clean tubs of hot water. If he says no, tell him that if he doesn't hand them over the pregnant woman and I will come into the kitchen and he'll have to scrub up blood and womb-water off the floor himself. And it _smells_."

Looking a bit green, Chao nodded and fled.

Ming had to stop for contractions twice on the way down to the hold. She must have been in labour for some time, Katara judged, either too inexperienced to recognize the new pains for what they were or too afraid to admit it. "I'm scared," she said, clutching at Katara's arm for support. "What if there's something wrong with my baby? What if that's why he's coming early? I wish Juro was here!"

"He's your husband?"

Ming nodded, sniffling. "He's a soldier... well, he was. He was wounded badly a couple of months ago... he lost his leg. But he got home all right, and he sent for us."

"I see." Katara nodded, helping her down the next set of stairs. "You know, he's probably really worried about seeing you."

Ming blinked at her. "He is?"

"Since last time he saw you, he's lost his leg, and he probably has a lot of scars." Katara judged it wise to give Ming something, anything else to think about. Early was not good, if she really was three weeks from due... "You saw Li. Men worry a lot more than you'd think about how they look. I'm sure he's afraid that you'll think he's ugly now."

"I couldn't!" Ming protested. "I love him, and he was wounded in honourable combat, for his country - any wife would be proud!"

"Of course. _We_ know that." Katara smiled encouragingly at her. "But make sure you tell him so. He probably won't say so, but I'm sure he's worried what you'll think of him now that he's missing a leg and everything."

"I'd love him if he didn't have _any_ legs!" Ming said firmly, as they shuffled into the hold.

"And I am sure he will be glad to hear it," Iroh said smoothly. He still looked ruffled, but he was dressed and a makeshift enclosure had been created with the tea bales, a blanket hanging over the small opening. "We will wait out here, Kara, in case you need anything."

"Blanket."

"Already laid out. We put some of the straw from the crate of ceramics down," Iroh added helpfully. "It will soften the deck a little."

"Good. Perfect. Ming's brother is going to come down soon with some things. Help him with that, and I'll let you know when I need something."

Ming seemed to relax when she was laid down on the blanket with its meagre padding. "You really are a midwife?"

Katara smiled down at her. "For years. I've only delivered one baby without my grandmother," she admitted honestly, "but that went fine. I know what I'm doing." She flipped up Ming's skirts, and laid her hands on the taut skin of her stomach. "Now, let me take a look, okay?"

Being a water-healer really made this a lot easier. She found the trouble within seconds, and only just remembered to poke and prod for a while before sitting back on her heels. "I'd really like to slap your midwife," she said grimly.

"What? Why? Is something wrong?" Ming clutched at her belly with both hands.

"I know why you're in labour early." Katara moved her hand to the right spot and pressed down. "Do you feel that hard spot there?" Ming nodded nervously. "That's a head."

"The baby's the wrong way around?"

"That one is." Katara pressed on the point just above Ming's pubic bone. "This one's in the right place, though. You're having twins."

Ming's eyes almost fell out of her head. " _Twins_?"

"Your midwife should have known that. It's not like you can't feel when there's two big heads in there." Katara scowled. Even without waterbending, she could have told that much by the time she was twelve! "And twins almost always come early. There's only so much room, you see, and with two of them taking it up..."

"My mother said it meant I would have a boy," Ming said sadly. "That I was so big, I mean. I wanted to..."

"I know. You wanted to give your husband a son." Katara patted her knee kindly. "Look at it this way, now you have two chances at a boy, not just one."

That perked Ming up considerably. Katara got her back up and took most of her clothes off, putting undergarments and over-gown aside and leaving her in the loose gown that would serve as a birthing robe. "All right. Now we're going to walk around for a while."

"Walk? But - "

"I know it hurts." Katara patted her sympathetically. "But if you can walk for at least a little while, it will warm your muscles and that helps, believe me. Having a baby is hard work, and any kind of hard labour is easier if you stretch and warm up first." Gran Gran had always said that if a woman could walk, the birth would go faster. Katara wasn't sure if it was true, but at least it gave Ming something to do.

She helped Ming along for a while, then gratefully accepted Zuko and Chao's offer to take over. With a strong young man on either side of her, helping to support her weight, Ming had much less trouble moving.

"How is it going?" Iroh asked softly.

"She's having twins," Katara said just as softly. "Twins are tricky, and one of them is the wrong way around. I can turn him, I think, but it's much harder than a single birth. And her first, too, which won't help."

Iroh nodded. "Is there anything I can do?"

Katara looked around. The bags and blankets they had. The water was still conspicuously absent. "Chao asked one of the cooks for clean hot water, but I don't see it. Go frighten them for me, please."

Iroh smiled. "That I believe I can do. Wait here."

Shortly after Ming's water broke, sending both boys into twitching paroxysms of horror that made Katara laugh aloud and even Ming thought were funny, Iroh returned. He brought not only two large tubs full of water - carrying one himself and nudging a sulky cook's assistant along with the other - but a harrassed-looking man Katara thought was the first mate, or second in command, or whatever they called it on a Fire Nation ship.

He took one look at Ming and went even paler than he already was. "She's really having a baby? _Here_? We only let her on the ship because she said it wouldn't come for weeks yet! The captain doesn't usually take pregnant women, not having a doctor on board, but - he's going to be furious that she lied to get on board."

"She didn't," Katara said tartly. "She's weeks early. Her midwife wasn't bright enough to notice twins when she felt them, and they do usually come early."

"Oh." Pallor had shaded into a delicate green tinge. "So... so it's definitely going to happen now? Here?"

"Yes." Taking pity on the natural masculine fear of the birthing process, Katara patted his arm. "But don't worry. I'm a midwife, and I'll manage everything. Just keep the hot water coming, and send someone down with a mop and bucket when Uncle asks for one, to clean up."

After that, she was too busy to worry about anything but the job at hand. Ming's labour was a difficult but relatively short one, fortunately. She was young and healthy, the twins were smaller than a single baby would be, and she'd been almost ready for second stage by the time Katara found her. It was only four hours later that Katara caught the first small, bloody body, examining it quickly. "A boy," she said, smiling down at the little purple, wailing thing. "Small but healthy." She wiped him off a bit, tying and cutting the cord, then wrapped him in a soft cloth and laid him beside Ming where she could put her arm around him. "Now. We're halfway done, Ming. You can do it."

With the work of turning to do first, it took nearly half an hour for the second twin to emerge, blue and silent. "I don't hear him crying," Ming said anxiously. "Kara, what's wrong?"

Katara laid the baby on the clean cloth she'd had ready, dipping her hand in the bowl of water beside her. "I think there's something in his throat," she said cheerfully, not wanting Ming to panic - or look. "Just a minute!"

The cord had been pinched off when he was turned, she discovered, drawing water over his skin. But he'd only been without air for a few minutes, and the damage could be reversed. That done, she drew the water off him, lifted him up and patted his bottom for show, and was rewarded with a weak wail. "There you are," she murmured, stroking the sticky head. Soon he joined his brother in his mother's arms, Ming smiling tearfully down at them both. "Two boys," she murmured. "And they're beautiful. Juro will be so happy!"

Katara assured her that the babies were beautiful, and tried not to let her aching envy show. A tiny, squashed, purple baby boy, with eyes already yellow-brown and a dusting of black hair... it hurt to know so exactly what she couldn't have. To know how it felt to hold that child, to see him blink up at her... and have to give him to his mother.

* * *

Zuko hadn't minded giving up their privacy for a little while. Katara had invited Ming and her brother to share their little portion of the hold for a couple of days, so Ming and the babies could rest.

Zuko had been somewhat taken aback by how small and squashed and purple the babies were. He'd asked Katara privately if something was wrong with them, and she'd laughed and said that new babies usually looked that way, and twins even more so. They would become plump and cuddly soon enough.

Zuko had even held one, briefly. Everyone else seemed to want to - Katara and Uncle doted on them, and even Chao seemed quite pleased to have two little nephews. Somehow, in the orgy of baby-sharing, one had been handed to Zuko. He'd sat quietly, not daring to call for help, clutching the small bundle awkwardly in his arms. Babies were such fragile little things, so light he could have lifted this one with two fingers and so small he almost vanished in his arms. It had been a relief to hand the boy back to his mother, when he started to wail, but somehow the feeling lingered.

He would have that, at least. Maybe not with Katara, but there _would_ be babies someday. That was something to look forward to, no matter how bleak life would be without her.

Nevertheless, he found himself avoiding the hold and the babies. The second morning after they were born he was on deck, taking advantage of the fact that people lining up for food at one side of the passenger area meant the other was relatively clear. That gave him a chance to bring his swords up and practice a little - Li was, after all, supposed to be a swordsman.

He'd run through several exercises when he heard a nasty, snide little laugh. He recognized the laugh, though he'd never found out who it belonged to. But it always happened when someone was making unpleasant comments to - or about - Katara.

"I suppose she couldn't do better." The comment was in a false whisper, clearly meant to be heard. "Ugh. I don't know how she can bear looking at that scar every day."

Zuko tensed, but he didn't look around. He'd heard whispers like that before... and outright comments, too, often enough. It didn't sting as much as it once had. His scar wasn't nearly as bad now - but Katara wouldn't care if it was. She'd thought he was _insulting_ her by suggesting it would... and she was right. A woman of character, as Uncle put it, wouldn't care about a scar on his face, any more than Ming cared that her husband had lost his leg.

"Well, if it gets her into the homelands," another voice agreed. "I suppose she just closes her eyes and thinks of the status - not that anyone's ever going to take _her_ for a real citizen, but - "

A ringing smack brought Zuko's head around sharply, and his chest tightened. He'd thought the women were taunting him... but it was Katara who was standing by them, who'd stepped out of the meal line to deliver a ringing slap to a pale, long-faced girl who was staring at her in shock with a hand pressed to her blazing cheek.

"Don't you dare," Katara hissed. "Don't you _dare_. I don't care what you say about me, but don't you _ever_ speak about my husband that way!"

"How dare you?" A middle-aged woman - the faux-whisperer - was drawing herself up to glare at Katara. "Just because you've had to marry a scar-faced - "

" _No_." Katara's voice trembled. Zuko couldn't see her face from where he was standing, but he could hear the little quaver in her voice that meant she was fighting tears. "I didn't have to. I wanted to. Do you have any, _any_ idea what it cost me to marry him?"

The girl, Katara's handprint still clear and red on her cheek, sneered. "Your pride?"

"My _family_!" Katara's voice cracked. " _Look at me_! Do I look Fire Nation to you? I'm not! My family is from the Earth Kingdom, and my mother was Water Tribe!"

Iroh swore under his breath. Zuko barely noticed, his eyes intent on Katara as he sheathed his swords slowly. If anyone approached her, threatened her, anyone at all...

But nobody did. Nobody made a sound as Katara swept on. "I married Li because I _love him_! Because I love him more than I ever thought I could love anyone! My father..." She choked on a sob. "My father disowned me! He said that even w-wanting to marry Li was betraying my family, dishonouring my mother's memory... but he was wrong! My mother married the man she loved, and I know that was what she wanted for me! Even my brother was so angry... I th-thought he would kill Li!"

Every word was like a knife in Zuko's chest as he pushed his way through the gathering crowd toward her. Nobody could doubt that Katara was speaking the truth. He could see that in the faces around them, in the conviction that ached in her voice. And he knew she sounded that way because it felt true. Because she wanted it to be true. Even if her father did disown her, even if Sokka never spoke to her again, she wanted _him_ , she would still be his if she could...

She drew herself up even as another sob shook her. "But I love him. I gave up _everything_ , my home and my family, to be with him, and I don't regret it. Not for one second! Even if we die tomorrow, it would be worth it to be with him even for a little while!" She swiped her sleeve over her eyes. "And if you think scars are so horrible, what do you say to the soldiers when they come back from fighting? Will you sneer at them too?"

"Yes." Zuko couldn't see the source of the quiet voice until the man stepped forward... but the empty sleeve pinned to his side was eloquent. There were small scars scattered over his face on that side too, and Zuko recognized the distinctive spray-pattern of shattering rock. "What would you say?"

"I... I... " the woman faltered. "It is not the same! She isn't even Fire Nation! She is probably a spy, or... "

"I'm not!" Katara's voice cracked miserably. "I just... I just love him, and I..."

Zuko reached her as she broke down sobbing. He caught her arm, turning her to face him, and his throat tightened unbearably when she looked up at him with tears pouring down her face. "Kara," he whispered. "Kara, I'm sorry, I... I never wanted to hurt you, I didn't want..."

"I know. I know, but it doesn't matter. I love you so much, and..." For the first time, she was the one to kiss him, arms going around his neck and fingers twining in his hair.

With such a large audience the kiss had to be brief, but Zuko didn't let go when it was done. He held her tightly, burying his face in the coils of her hair. "I love you," he said fiercely. "I will always love you, always, no matter what happens." The words were out now, and knowing she _loved_ him, loved him as he loved her, lit a tiny spark of fierce joy in him even as his heart bled for the loss that was coming.

"I'll always love you, too." Tiny fists clenched in the front of his shirt. "No matter what."

A broad hand settled on Zuko's back. "I think the two of you should go down to the hold to compose yourselves," Iroh said firmly. "Do not worry about food, Kara. I will stand in line."

Zuko nodded, still holding Katara tightly. "You're right, Uncle. I... I apologize for the scene."

"There is no need," Iroh said gently. "It was not your fault... nor Kara's either. Go and care for your wife, nephew."

Zuko nodded, turning them both towards the stairs. He couldn't bear to let go of her, no matter how awkward it might be on the narrow stairs. Katara clung to him, still sobbing occasionally.

Thankfully the hold was empty. Not that it would have mattered much if it wasn't - as soon as the door closed behind them they were kissing again, and Zuko never knew who started it. All that mattered was her, soft lips under his and slender arms coiled around him and the warmth of her body pressed tightly to his. Somehow they stumbled over to the tea bales and a nearly private corner.

Zuko's self-control didn't fail him entirely. Even when they slid down onto the floor in a tangle of limbs, he kept his hands on her back and shoulders and his mouth above her collarbone. The fragile skin of her neck was irresistible, so warm and soft, and the little sighs and gasps that kisses under her ear wrung from her made his knees weak. When she returned the favour, he groaned and pushed his fingers through the soft hair that was tumbling loose, combs gone Agni knew where.

Katara lifted her head, looking down at him. She was in his lap, now, and her every movement made the ache in his groin more intense. "I love you," she murmured, cupping his face between her hands. "I love you, and it hurts, but I don't want it to stop."

"Neither do I." He let his hands slide along her sides, settling on her hips. "I love you. I will always love you. I wish... I wish I could just be with you. Just... I was _banished_ , I could just leave..."

"No, you couldn't. But I wish you could too." Katara brushed her lips along the edge of his scar. "Do you ever... do you ever think about what we'd do, if you didn't have to be Fire Lord?"

"Every day." He swallowed, his throat tightening again. "Every day. About going home with you - I could get used to the cold. Or back to Ba Sing Se. Just pretending that Uncle's stupid story is true, starting over..." He turned his head to kiss her gently. "I could get used to working in a teashop, if it meant being with you," he whispered. "Living in an apartment or a house, working for my family... being allowed to _have_ a family, with you..."

Katara's eyes were swimming with tears again. "I think about that, too," she whispered back. "What they'd look like. How many there would be... probably more than you'd want, but - "

"Four or five. Six, maybe." Zuko smiled shakily, his eyes stinging. He wanted her so badly... but the discomfort of thwarted physical need was almost a relief, compared to the pain of seeing her cry. "A big family. We'd both like that."

"We would." Katara sniffled, kissing him and curling closer, laying her head on his shoulder. They just held each other for a while, coiled close together, and then she sniffed again. "It's not fair," she whispered. "Why do we have to fix everything? We're not even eighteen yet but _we_ have to be the ones to fix everything, and give up everything we want for the sake of the world. It's *not fair*."

"It's not." He kissed her temple, holding her tightly. "It's not fair at all. _Nothing_ about our lives, about this war, is fair." He sighed, closing his eyes and just feeling her against him. "But if it was, we probably never would have met at all."

"Probably not." She burrowed her face into his neck. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Zuko had to surreptitiously wipe his eyes a couple of times, but neither of them pulled away. It wasn't fair that this was all they had, but at least they had this.

* * *

When Iroh crept down to the hold with bowls of cold rice, Zuko was sitting polishing his swords, his face drawn and his eyes red. Of Katara, there was no sign. "She went up to see how Ming is doing," Zuko said, before Iroh could say a word.

"I see." Iroh sighed, setting Zuko's bowl before him. "Try to eat."

"I'm not hungry." Zuko kept his eyes on the sword balanced across his knees.

"I know. Try anyway." He wouldn't, Iroh knew that. But it had to be said.

He found Katara leaning against the rail, looking out at the sea. For the first time in a long time her hair was loose, save for the small knot typical of Fire Nation styles. She was alone, he noticed, the other passengers leaving her the illusion of privacy. After the scene that morning, that was no surprise - but Iroh noticed with approval that there were fewer sneering glances aimed at her now, and many more sympathetic ones. Everyone liked a love story.

"I don't suppose you're hungry, either," he said, standing beside Katara at the rail.

"No," Katara said drearily. "You should give it to Ming. She has two babies to feed now."

"Yes." Iroh sighed. He could hear the 'and I don't' as clearly as if Katara had said it aloud. He had racked his brain for any way, _any_ way the two could be together... but it could not be done. If Katara had been Yue, a princess of a still-powerful tribe, then perhaps it might have been done. Even if she were Toph, the cherished daughter of a wealthy and important Earth Kingdom family, the thing might be possible. But she was not. She was the last bender of a tiny, impoverished tribe, who could bring neither wealth nor political influence to the Fire Nation, and to marry her would weaken Zuko's claim to the throne.

He gave the bowl to Ming, watching Katara anxiously from a few feet away, and went back to Katara's side. "I am sorry," he said quietly. "I am so very sorry, my dear."

She turned her head to smile bravely at him, eyes as red as Zuko's, and Iroh's heart ached. No girl of fifteen should have to look like that. "I know," she said quietly. "I do know. You didn't want us to get hurt, and you warned us as soon as..." Her lip quivered, and she bit it hard. "It's not your fault. It's just how things are."

He sighed. "If I had handled matters differently when my son died, if I had not allowed my brother to take my place..."

She turned to him and - to his surprise and pleasure - hugged him tightly. "Then I might never have met him," she whispered. "I'm glad I did. I'm glad I love him." She sniffled a little, and her head settled on his shoulder. "And I'm glad I met you, Uncle," she whispered. "I really am."

Iroh's eyes stung. "I wish..." He swallowed hard, holding her close and stroking the loose, waving hair. "I hope you will always call me that."

"I will." Her voice cracked, but it was sure all the same. "I promise."


End file.
